As I keep saying time and time again, teenage parties and gatherings can be dangerous places (particularly when alcohol is thrown into the mix) and as much as I’d love there to be some magical formula I could come up with to make them completely safe, that's simply not possible! I think we tend to believe that it is the large-scale, out-of-control events that are the only ones that are really dangerous – you know, the ones where literally hundreds of gatecrashers turn up at a house party that was advertised on Facebook. These uninvited guests start to cause trouble, the police are called and the parents hosting the event find themselves on TV news the next evening trying to explain how it all went so very wrong …
The smaller so-called 'gatherings' are often regarded as not so problematic – just a few close personal friends (usually no more than about 20!) spending an evening (to some extent supervised by parents or older siblings) at one of their homes – what could possibly go wrong? Well a couple of weeks ago I received an email from a young woman that illustrates clearly that even at these more controlled events, things can go amiss.
Simone (not her real name – she requested anonymity and I have sent this blog entry through to her for her approval before publishing it) began her email to me by saying the following:
"This is a bit of a long shot, but if you think it might be of use in educating other young people/adults and parents and preventing something similar from happening to others I am willing to share it. At my high school I remember hearing a speech by you and personal stories about the worst case scenarios of alcohol consumption and young people (thinking it would never happen to me and it did)."
Her story is terrifying and she truly sounds lucky to still be alive. We've written to each other a couple of times since as I wanted to make sure I got all the facts correct as I believe her story highlights some important messages for both young people and parents alike. I've edited it down a little but here is what happened to Simone:
"At the beginning of the night everyone was in a large group playing drinking games and dancing - I even thought that I would be the one looking after a guy who I saw was skolling a bottle of spirits he had brought. I went outside (a few metres from the backdoor) for a moment to get some air and collapsed. I became unable to move (blackouts- zoning in and out of consciousness and vomiting whilst on my back unable to move my head at all).
A few hours later when everything wasn't black, I saw lights and blurring but I had lost my senses, unable to see shapes/objects, hear, articulate sounds, think properly, feel the texture of the ground I was on, feel my limbs, move, call out, call someone. I knew if I vomited on my back whilst in a blackout I could die but I couldn't move and waited for someone to find me. I was there for over 6 hours and become hypothermic and unable to speak. I accepted my death and waited in the warm comfort of my own vomit to die.
In the morning, after hours, I made it to the back door but realized I had been locked outside when I was unconscious (everyone went to sleep). Eventually two girls unlocked the door and let me in. They were shocked and asked "What are you doing outside?", "What happened?", "Were you out there all night?" They realized I was unable to answer and called medical services to be instructed on what to do. Soon the parents were up asking the same questions. I was then taken to a medical centre."
When I first responded to Simone's email what I really wanted to know was why hadn't anyone gone to find her? These were her close friends, how had they not noticed that she was missing for that length of time? Most importantly, this wasn't a large party (around 20 teens were there) – apparently there were parents there supervising – how was she able to lay unconscious in the back garden unnoticed for that amount of time?
Her response to these questions was really interesting but also concerning for any parent who has teens attending these social gatherings and offers a real insight into just how easy it is for this type of thing to happen:
"It was frightening that no one found me, realized I was gone or even came looking for me … It was getting to a point where it had been a long time since I was last seen. There was no one reason why no-one found me, just a lot of small reasons together. The group of people were people I had known for years at school from good families, parents checked on us on each hour up until midnight, people went to the toilets in pairs and I knew everyone at the party. The scary part is, even in the best circumstances, things can still go wrong. Somehow, I slipped through the cracks in a best-case-scenario of a party and I still don't understand how."
When she looked at the situation a little more closely she came up with the following possible reasons she could have possible "slipped through the cracks".
"I went outside, (I'm guessing) around the same time everyone split into smaller groups. There were three or more smaller groups at this time in the party, all in different locations around the house (one group outside in the front yard, whilst I was in the backyard). In the morning I was told that when someone had brought up my name and whereabouts people answered things like "She is probably in the other group", "I think she's with so-and-so", "I think she went to bed", etc … I wasn't ridiculously drunk the last time I was seen so I was assumed to be fine.
It was also a cold night so people didn't spend too long outside. Also everyone was drinking, including the host, and they got caught up in what they were doing at the time. I was alone because I had gone outside earlier to get away from the music for a brief minute by myself, the second time I left, once again I didn't take anyone with me. No-one had any idea I went outside."
There are so many important messages (for both young people and parents alike) to learn from Simone's story and I am so grateful she took the time to share it with me (and so thankful that she actually survived what sounds like a terrifying ordeal). She really was so lucky ...
Any parent who is considering hosting a party or gathering and thinks that they can just leave a group of 15-16 year-olds (and Simone is a little older than that) to their own devices and expect that nothing can go wrong is just insane! Teenage parties and gatherings need thorough planning and most importantly, quality adult supervision. As Simone said, parents checked up on the teens attending the party she was at each hour and things still went amiss and that was with only 20 of them there! God only knows how those parents who host events of 100 or more think they can monitor them effectively, even with the help of hired security!
I’ll leave it to Simone to summarise the problem from a teenager’s perspective – she does it so articulately …
"I think the reality is, we can easily forget how important it is to know where everyone is at a party. It's too easy to get caught up in the music and the fun and think that everyone is okay, because we/ourselves are okay or that the person was okay when you saw them earlier. People should always know where everyone is or whom they are with. As an individual you need to be responsible for the amount of alcohol you consume but also people drinking and encouraging drinking as a group are automatically responsible for the people in that group too. No one is invincible, and the reality is bad things can happen in a short space of time."
Never a truer word spoken! When you think that we lose one 14-17 year-old every weekend due to alcohol in this country - it is truly a miracle that Simone did not become another tragic statistic on that Saturday night ...
The smaller so-called 'gatherings' are often regarded as not so problematic – just a few close personal friends (usually no more than about 20!) spending an evening (to some extent supervised by parents or older siblings) at one of their homes – what could possibly go wrong? Well a couple of weeks ago I received an email from a young woman that illustrates clearly that even at these more controlled events, things can go amiss.
Simone (not her real name – she requested anonymity and I have sent this blog entry through to her for her approval before publishing it) began her email to me by saying the following:
"This is a bit of a long shot, but if you think it might be of use in educating other young people/adults and parents and preventing something similar from happening to others I am willing to share it. At my high school I remember hearing a speech by you and personal stories about the worst case scenarios of alcohol consumption and young people (thinking it would never happen to me and it did)."
Her story is terrifying and she truly sounds lucky to still be alive. We've written to each other a couple of times since as I wanted to make sure I got all the facts correct as I believe her story highlights some important messages for both young people and parents alike. I've edited it down a little but here is what happened to Simone:
"At the beginning of the night everyone was in a large group playing drinking games and dancing - I even thought that I would be the one looking after a guy who I saw was skolling a bottle of spirits he had brought. I went outside (a few metres from the backdoor) for a moment to get some air and collapsed. I became unable to move (blackouts- zoning in and out of consciousness and vomiting whilst on my back unable to move my head at all).
A few hours later when everything wasn't black, I saw lights and blurring but I had lost my senses, unable to see shapes/objects, hear, articulate sounds, think properly, feel the texture of the ground I was on, feel my limbs, move, call out, call someone. I knew if I vomited on my back whilst in a blackout I could die but I couldn't move and waited for someone to find me. I was there for over 6 hours and become hypothermic and unable to speak. I accepted my death and waited in the warm comfort of my own vomit to die.
In the morning, after hours, I made it to the back door but realized I had been locked outside when I was unconscious (everyone went to sleep). Eventually two girls unlocked the door and let me in. They were shocked and asked "What are you doing outside?", "What happened?", "Were you out there all night?" They realized I was unable to answer and called medical services to be instructed on what to do. Soon the parents were up asking the same questions. I was then taken to a medical centre."
When I first responded to Simone's email what I really wanted to know was why hadn't anyone gone to find her? These were her close friends, how had they not noticed that she was missing for that length of time? Most importantly, this wasn't a large party (around 20 teens were there) – apparently there were parents there supervising – how was she able to lay unconscious in the back garden unnoticed for that amount of time?
Her response to these questions was really interesting but also concerning for any parent who has teens attending these social gatherings and offers a real insight into just how easy it is for this type of thing to happen:
"It was frightening that no one found me, realized I was gone or even came looking for me … It was getting to a point where it had been a long time since I was last seen. There was no one reason why no-one found me, just a lot of small reasons together. The group of people were people I had known for years at school from good families, parents checked on us on each hour up until midnight, people went to the toilets in pairs and I knew everyone at the party. The scary part is, even in the best circumstances, things can still go wrong. Somehow, I slipped through the cracks in a best-case-scenario of a party and I still don't understand how."
When she looked at the situation a little more closely she came up with the following possible reasons she could have possible "slipped through the cracks".
"I went outside, (I'm guessing) around the same time everyone split into smaller groups. There were three or more smaller groups at this time in the party, all in different locations around the house (one group outside in the front yard, whilst I was in the backyard). In the morning I was told that when someone had brought up my name and whereabouts people answered things like "She is probably in the other group", "I think she's with so-and-so", "I think she went to bed", etc … I wasn't ridiculously drunk the last time I was seen so I was assumed to be fine.
It was also a cold night so people didn't spend too long outside. Also everyone was drinking, including the host, and they got caught up in what they were doing at the time. I was alone because I had gone outside earlier to get away from the music for a brief minute by myself, the second time I left, once again I didn't take anyone with me. No-one had any idea I went outside."
There are so many important messages (for both young people and parents alike) to learn from Simone's story and I am so grateful she took the time to share it with me (and so thankful that she actually survived what sounds like a terrifying ordeal). She really was so lucky ...
Any parent who is considering hosting a party or gathering and thinks that they can just leave a group of 15-16 year-olds (and Simone is a little older than that) to their own devices and expect that nothing can go wrong is just insane! Teenage parties and gatherings need thorough planning and most importantly, quality adult supervision. As Simone said, parents checked up on the teens attending the party she was at each hour and things still went amiss and that was with only 20 of them there! God only knows how those parents who host events of 100 or more think they can monitor them effectively, even with the help of hired security!
I’ll leave it to Simone to summarise the problem from a teenager’s perspective – she does it so articulately …
"I think the reality is, we can easily forget how important it is to know where everyone is at a party. It's too easy to get caught up in the music and the fun and think that everyone is okay, because we/ourselves are okay or that the person was okay when you saw them earlier. People should always know where everyone is or whom they are with. As an individual you need to be responsible for the amount of alcohol you consume but also people drinking and encouraging drinking as a group are automatically responsible for the people in that group too. No one is invincible, and the reality is bad things can happen in a short space of time."
Never a truer word spoken! When you think that we lose one 14-17 year-old every weekend due to alcohol in this country - it is truly a miracle that Simone did not become another tragic statistic on that Saturday night ...
No comments:
Post a Comment