To act, or not to act, that is the question.
As always, I am talking about consensual sex, not molestation, assault, or rape.
Close relatives may experience mutual attraction as a result of Genetic Sexual Attraction (GSA), Genetic Attraction, Familial Sexual Attraction, or some other experience or phenomenon. I’m addressing these together because they all involve close relatives. These things can lead to incest (consanguineous sex, or consanguinamory) in the form of sibling sex, parent-adult child sex, cousin sex, etc. It may also lead to marriage or spousal relationships. While all sexual activity related to these can be called consanguineous, reuniuon GSA-initiated consanguinamory is a special subset and it should be noted that opinions of those who have been in such relationships towards non-reunion consanguinamory range from support to indifference to uneasiness to condemnation.
Speaking of GSA, there is a split in the GSA community about whether to act or not (or to stop acting). Many people who have experienced GSA, prior to having the experience, had never considered the possibility of being attracted to a close relative and may have thought the idea disgusting, but they found themselves attracted to a close biological relative anyway. Those in the GSA community against acting or continuing to act have various motivations; a bad personal experience acting on GSA, a priority of obedience to laws (even if unjust), their personal sexual mores, and perhaps for some, intense emotion about something they never had or can no longer have. They may very well think they are sparing others pain by urging them not to act. But others say the pain for them was in delaying the reality that they had been reunited with someone who was now their true love.
I deal with common arguments against the rights to share love, sex, residence, and marriage on this page. But just because one should have the right to share these things with a relative doesn’t mean they should share these things in any given case. That is the point of why I am writing this.
ALL romantic or sexual relationships are emotionally risky. Most do not work out, or most of us would still be in our first one. As with any relationship, you should be the one making that decision for you, not anybody else. Don't let others decide for you. There are trade-offs and emotional risks in any relationship. With a possible consanguinamorous relationship, there are generally pros and cons, and with GSA, there is likely to be pain and struggle no matter what course is taken. Ultimately, each situation can have different factors than others, but there are some general considerations I will address.
If there is mutual attraction, and that is a big if, there are many things that should be considered before becoming more physically intimate. Notice that to one extent or another, these apply to relationships with nonrelatives as well.
First, the cautionary considerations…
1. Is this person right for you, right now? In this stage of your life, are you looking for a spouse? A partner? A roommate? A date? A dance partner? A friend-with-benefits? Is this person a good choice for that? (With a GSA situation, you may not know until you spend more time with them; some other times, you already know they aren’t. If you have been with this close relative all of your life, you should have a fairly good idea either way, which is one of the advantages of consanguinamory.) We’ve all known people, perhaps ourselves, who have been attracted to someone who is all wrong for us, or at least we were wrong for each other in that stage of our lives. Nobody should voluntarily subject themselves to a toxic person, relative or not, and some people aren't toxic, but they just aren't right for you because of personality differences, lifestyle differences, and wanting different things out of life. With parent-adult child GSA, there is sometimes (not always) a good reason why the child was kept away from the adult, or given away by the adult; sometimes in those cases, things have gotten better in the decades since. Whether or not a person is right for you may have to do whether you are just looking for recreation, a release, to express your love, or satisfy a curiosity.
2. Is it cheating? I am against cheating. I also generally support keeping a family together. This means that if one has existing vows to another that preclude entering into this new (or new level of) relationship, especially if there are children being raised in that home, I would urge against it. In a perfect world, everyone would talk it over and the addition would be accommodated, but I know this would be extremely unlikely in a relationship where closed monogamy is expected, or even in open or polyamorous relationships where someone doesn’t want to give up status as the primary.
Genetic Sexual Attraction presents a special situation as overwhelmingly powerful feelings flood a person, often suddenly and without warning. There still isn’t much awareness about GSA. Thus, you can have someone who would not otherwise violate their vows to another/others do that very thing. For example, there can be a woman happily married to a man in monogamous, closed marriage, and she would never have an affair with a coworker or neighbor or the brother with whom she was raised. But one day she finds out she has a slightly older half brother or one her age, and upon meeting, they have a powerful attraction and start to spend a lot of time together and engage in constant communication. Just their mere emotional bonding may be threatening to her husband; all the more so if the relationship becomes sexual. There is the possibility that if the husband remains, his wife may return to monogamy with him. But there is also the possibility that she will leave him for her half brother.
3. Are you willing to deal with the possible fallout? Emotional relationships will always have fallout, but with consanguinamory there can be legal, professional, familial, and social fallout. This blog supports the right of consenting adults to share love, sex, residence, and marriage with any consenting adults, but the present reality is that consanguinamory is illegal in many places, and even if not illegal, not legally protected. It is also looked down upon by some who take it upon themselves to be concerned with the love lives of others. Thus, coming out or being outed may result in prosecution, discrimination, bullying, and jealousy on the part of others. These factors can be minimized through moving to a location where consanguineous sex is not illegal or not prosecuted, and/or where your biological connection is not known. Discretion can be absolutely essential. There are too many power-hungry people in legislatures and law enforcement (and it only takes a few) who want to interfere in the love and sex lives of others, and much hateful prejudice among others who will discriminate against and harass your family if they find out something like this.
4. Is there a possibility of a sexually transmitted infection?
5. If this is heterosexual, has fertility, the possibility of pregnancy, and contraception been discussed?
Now, for some encouragement…
6. There ARE people in lasting, happy, consanguinamorous relationships, some with the support of family and friends; there are people who had positive experiences with youthful experimentation or play.
7. Consanguineous sex, consanguinamory, and consanguineous marriages are not new things, nor are they rare. The fact is, these things have been going on for literally all of human history in various cultures and every level of society. From the rich to the poor, royalty to commoners, educated to ignorant, urban to rural, young to elderly, close family members have done everything from engaging in playful experimentation to forming lasting spousal relationships. Consanguineous sex is normal, natural, common, and can be enjoyable and beneficial.
8. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. If you’re right for each other, don’t deny yourselves, deny each other, or waste the lives of others by entangling them in an effort to avoid your true love. As a wise person who has been there puts it, “I ran from the one person who would have supported and loved me for who I am, not who he wanted me to be, or for what I could do for him and my children and I have paid the price for two decades.” Fortunately, there is a happy ending in that case.
9. It can be a wonderful experience or even a deep and abiding love. If the situation is just a matter of curiosity and exploration, who better to learn with? But if it is more than that, be assured that consanguineous lovers often report that consanguinamory is deep and powerful; that other relationships pale in comparison. It is a special bond that brings happiness, a caring partner, and security. Who cares for you more?
10. In instances of GSA, it can be positive compensation for something that was lost and can never be regained.
If there is love; mutual attraction, trust, and respect; compatibility in availability, goals, personalities, personal styles and habits (notice that these may take some time together to determine); and the above considerations have been made, don’t let anyone stop you.
You may want to go slowly.
Here is how to make it happen.
How to pull off living together.
Refer your family and friends to THIS page and anyone who wants to be an ally should read this.
You may want to check out:
Suppression Brings Ongoing Pain
Avoid Hurtful People
Hate Adds Pain to Genetic Sexual Attraction
You can also contact me through fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com.
(Edited to correct errors and for clarification)
As always, I am talking about consensual sex, not molestation, assault, or rape.
Close relatives may experience mutual attraction as a result of Genetic Sexual Attraction (GSA), Genetic Attraction, Familial Sexual Attraction, or some other experience or phenomenon. I’m addressing these together because they all involve close relatives. These things can lead to incest (consanguineous sex, or consanguinamory) in the form of sibling sex, parent-adult child sex, cousin sex, etc. It may also lead to marriage or spousal relationships. While all sexual activity related to these can be called consanguineous, reuniuon GSA-initiated consanguinamory is a special subset and it should be noted that opinions of those who have been in such relationships towards non-reunion consanguinamory range from support to indifference to uneasiness to condemnation.
Speaking of GSA, there is a split in the GSA community about whether to act or not (or to stop acting). Many people who have experienced GSA, prior to having the experience, had never considered the possibility of being attracted to a close relative and may have thought the idea disgusting, but they found themselves attracted to a close biological relative anyway. Those in the GSA community against acting or continuing to act have various motivations; a bad personal experience acting on GSA, a priority of obedience to laws (even if unjust), their personal sexual mores, and perhaps for some, intense emotion about something they never had or can no longer have. They may very well think they are sparing others pain by urging them not to act. But others say the pain for them was in delaying the reality that they had been reunited with someone who was now their true love.
I deal with common arguments against the rights to share love, sex, residence, and marriage on this page. But just because one should have the right to share these things with a relative doesn’t mean they should share these things in any given case. That is the point of why I am writing this.
ALL romantic or sexual relationships are emotionally risky. Most do not work out, or most of us would still be in our first one. As with any relationship, you should be the one making that decision for you, not anybody else. Don't let others decide for you. There are trade-offs and emotional risks in any relationship. With a possible consanguinamorous relationship, there are generally pros and cons, and with GSA, there is likely to be pain and struggle no matter what course is taken. Ultimately, each situation can have different factors than others, but there are some general considerations I will address.
If there is mutual attraction, and that is a big if, there are many things that should be considered before becoming more physically intimate. Notice that to one extent or another, these apply to relationships with nonrelatives as well.
First, the cautionary considerations…
1. Is this person right for you, right now? In this stage of your life, are you looking for a spouse? A partner? A roommate? A date? A dance partner? A friend-with-benefits? Is this person a good choice for that? (With a GSA situation, you may not know until you spend more time with them; some other times, you already know they aren’t. If you have been with this close relative all of your life, you should have a fairly good idea either way, which is one of the advantages of consanguinamory.) We’ve all known people, perhaps ourselves, who have been attracted to someone who is all wrong for us, or at least we were wrong for each other in that stage of our lives. Nobody should voluntarily subject themselves to a toxic person, relative or not, and some people aren't toxic, but they just aren't right for you because of personality differences, lifestyle differences, and wanting different things out of life. With parent-adult child GSA, there is sometimes (not always) a good reason why the child was kept away from the adult, or given away by the adult; sometimes in those cases, things have gotten better in the decades since. Whether or not a person is right for you may have to do whether you are just looking for recreation, a release, to express your love, or satisfy a curiosity.
2. Is it cheating? I am against cheating. I also generally support keeping a family together. This means that if one has existing vows to another that preclude entering into this new (or new level of) relationship, especially if there are children being raised in that home, I would urge against it. In a perfect world, everyone would talk it over and the addition would be accommodated, but I know this would be extremely unlikely in a relationship where closed monogamy is expected, or even in open or polyamorous relationships where someone doesn’t want to give up status as the primary.
Genetic Sexual Attraction presents a special situation as overwhelmingly powerful feelings flood a person, often suddenly and without warning. There still isn’t much awareness about GSA. Thus, you can have someone who would not otherwise violate their vows to another/others do that very thing. For example, there can be a woman happily married to a man in monogamous, closed marriage, and she would never have an affair with a coworker or neighbor or the brother with whom she was raised. But one day she finds out she has a slightly older half brother or one her age, and upon meeting, they have a powerful attraction and start to spend a lot of time together and engage in constant communication. Just their mere emotional bonding may be threatening to her husband; all the more so if the relationship becomes sexual. There is the possibility that if the husband remains, his wife may return to monogamy with him. But there is also the possibility that she will leave him for her half brother.
3. Are you willing to deal with the possible fallout? Emotional relationships will always have fallout, but with consanguinamory there can be legal, professional, familial, and social fallout. This blog supports the right of consenting adults to share love, sex, residence, and marriage with any consenting adults, but the present reality is that consanguinamory is illegal in many places, and even if not illegal, not legally protected. It is also looked down upon by some who take it upon themselves to be concerned with the love lives of others. Thus, coming out or being outed may result in prosecution, discrimination, bullying, and jealousy on the part of others. These factors can be minimized through moving to a location where consanguineous sex is not illegal or not prosecuted, and/or where your biological connection is not known. Discretion can be absolutely essential. There are too many power-hungry people in legislatures and law enforcement (and it only takes a few) who want to interfere in the love and sex lives of others, and much hateful prejudice among others who will discriminate against and harass your family if they find out something like this.
4. Is there a possibility of a sexually transmitted infection?
5. If this is heterosexual, has fertility, the possibility of pregnancy, and contraception been discussed?
Now, for some encouragement…
6. There ARE people in lasting, happy, consanguinamorous relationships, some with the support of family and friends; there are people who had positive experiences with youthful experimentation or play.
7. Consanguineous sex, consanguinamory, and consanguineous marriages are not new things, nor are they rare. The fact is, these things have been going on for literally all of human history in various cultures and every level of society. From the rich to the poor, royalty to commoners, educated to ignorant, urban to rural, young to elderly, close family members have done everything from engaging in playful experimentation to forming lasting spousal relationships. Consanguineous sex is normal, natural, common, and can be enjoyable and beneficial.
8. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. If you’re right for each other, don’t deny yourselves, deny each other, or waste the lives of others by entangling them in an effort to avoid your true love. As a wise person who has been there puts it, “I ran from the one person who would have supported and loved me for who I am, not who he wanted me to be, or for what I could do for him and my children and I have paid the price for two decades.” Fortunately, there is a happy ending in that case.
9. It can be a wonderful experience or even a deep and abiding love. If the situation is just a matter of curiosity and exploration, who better to learn with? But if it is more than that, be assured that consanguineous lovers often report that consanguinamory is deep and powerful; that other relationships pale in comparison. It is a special bond that brings happiness, a caring partner, and security. Who cares for you more?
10. In instances of GSA, it can be positive compensation for something that was lost and can never be regained.
If there is love; mutual attraction, trust, and respect; compatibility in availability, goals, personalities, personal styles and habits (notice that these may take some time together to determine); and the above considerations have been made, don’t let anyone stop you.
You may want to go slowly.
Here is how to make it happen.
How to pull off living together.
Refer your family and friends to THIS page and anyone who wants to be an ally should read this.
You may want to check out:
Suppression Brings Ongoing Pain
Avoid Hurtful People
Hate Adds Pain to Genetic Sexual Attraction
You can also contact me through fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com.
(Edited to correct errors and for clarification)
