Update From A Favorite Author

Anonymous asked on this blog's sister Tubmlr about Diane Rinella, so there's a short update there.

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How do you best handle the 'alcohol issue' at an 18th birthday when there will be many underage young people present?

The 18th birthday is now a far more important event than it once was. For many of us it was the 21st birthday that was the major celebration and our entry into true adulthood but that has now changed, with many teens in their last year of school insisting they need a 'party to end all parties' to mark this major milestone. It certainly makes sense in many ways - they are now officially 'adults', they can vote, drink alcohol legally and no longer be regarded as 'underage' ... Unfortunately, any parent who decides to agree to an 18th birthday has to navigate through the 'alcohol issue' and try to work out how best to deal with a group of young people, some of whom are now legally able to drink alcohol (including their son or daughter) and other underage partygoers who are not ...

When I'm asked by parents for advice in this area, I have to be honest and tell them that if they can possibly get out of holding such an event, that's most probably the best option! Promising your son or daughter an even better 19th birthday party is a great way to go, but not surprisingly, the offer is rarely taken up! The major problem with this issue is that no parent wants to embarrass their teen and insist on rules and boundaries that apparently no-one else imposes, but there are some important legal issues to consider in this area.

We now have 'secondary supply' laws across all states and territories which means it is against the law to 'provide' under 18s with alcohol in private settings without parental consent. What does this mean in a practical sense and how does it affect 18th birthdays? The WA Department of Racing, Gaming and Liquor have provided a series of FAQs on secondary supply laws and I have included a few of these below:

Q: What if a 17-year-old attends the 18th birthday party of a friend and the person whose party it is supplies the 17-year-old with alcohol?
A: The 18-year-old will need consent to do so from the 17-year-old’s parent or guardian – failure to obtain consent will make the 18-year-old liable for at $10,000 fine.

Q: I am having a party at home for my son's 18th birthday and some of the people attending will be under 18 years of age, is it okay for me to give them alcohol if they have a note from one of their parent's giving permission for them to drink alcohol?
A: Yes, provided that you are satisfied that the note has been provided by each juvenile's parent or guardian and not another person (for example a sibling).

Q: I am having a small gathering at my home for my daughter's 18th birthday, a few of her friends haven't turned 18 yet; is it okay for me to serve them alcohol if one of their parents rings me and gives their permission over the phone or provides permission by text message?
A: Yes, but again, provided that you are satisfied that the person you have spoken to, or received the text message from, is each juvenile's parent or guardian.

Q: My daughter is having her 18th birthday party at home, one of her 17-year-old friends told me that her mother had given her permission to drink alcohol, is it okay for me to give her a drink in my house?
A: No. You must obtain the permission from the parent or guardian.

The laws are slightly different in each jurisdiction (e.g., fines imposed for the offence and the definition of 'provide' or 'supply' can vary) but around provision of alcohol at 18th birthdays, they're all pretty much the same. Host parents have to either receive consent from the parents or guardians of those underage attendees, allowing them to drink alcohol, or do their best to ensure that those young people don't drink at all! Neither of those are going to be easy and one of them is likely to cause friction between you and your teen. So let's take a quick look at these two options and the problems associated with each of them ...

If you decide to go down the path of obtaining permission for those underage partygoers to drink,  there is an additional legal responsibility that comes with that choice. This is best explained by another of the questions from the WA Government site:

Q: If I have the permission of a parent to supply alcohol to my son's friend who is still 17 years old, are there any legal responsibilities that I have to be aware of?
A: The new laws require that if you a supplying alcohol to a juvenile you must observe responsible supervision practices at all times; including making sure juveniles don't get drunk (or you do not get drunk yourself) and that you are able to supervise the consumption of alcohol at all times.

So not only do you have to make sure you have received consent where appropriate, you also have to ensure that you are "able to supervise the consumption of alcohol at all times". Ask any licensee and they will tell you that's difficult when you have trained bar staff, CC-TV and security on every door in the venue - it's going to be almost impossible for a parent hosting an 18th birthday party!

I've talked about 'active supervision' before and as far as 18th birthdays are concerned I believe it should involve the following:

• be there, right in the thick of it - don't plonk yourself in the middle of a group of teens and just stand there! Find reasons for being there, such as carrying food around ... Always consider your teen here as well - do this in an oppressive way and he or she will be mortified and rightly so but those attending are now truly young adults, have a conversation with them if it's appropriate. There can still be a fine line between 'being there' and 'lurking' - try not to cross it!
• move around - most probably the biggest mistake parents make in this area is to position themselves in one place, justifying their decision by stating that the partygoers will know where to find them if something goes wrong. Having adults regularly moving through the space ensures that all those attending be a little more careful about what they are doing and may be more likely to monitor their drinking a little more carefully
• talk to those attending - the best way to know what is going on at a party is to talk to as many teens as possible. This should not be intrusive and don't try to be cool - kids can see through that in seconds! Be yourself - ask them how they're going, if they're having a good time and the like. Not only does this help you to get to know your child's friends a little better but it also helps you gauge how the party is going and monitor alcohol consumption
• most importantly, stay  sober! There is no way that you are able to effectively monitor a houseful of 17 and 18-year-olds if you have been drinking yourself ... 

What about the other option? What if you decide to state clearly that those under the age of 18 will not be able to drink alcohol at the party? This is also not easy (I told you offering a 19th birthday is a better option!) but I have to say, many parents have found ways of making it work. I very much doubt whether all of the underage partygoers actually remained 'alcohol-free' in these cases, but at least the host parents did their best ... Here are some of the ways other parents have navigated through this issue:

• the trust option - this appears to work best when parents have a strong relationship not only with their son or daughter, but also their friends. It's also much more likely to be successful at smaller parties or gatherings. Alcohol is provided for those who are 18 or over but the invitation states clearly that due to legal issues, the host parents will be asking those who are underage not to drink. Many may be surprised to find out that this can often work - the hosts putting the responsibility back onto the young people and they respond accordingly ... 
• the wristband system - another popular method of trying to control who is able to drink alcohol or not. Parents using this system have to be organised, usually creating a guest list that separates those who are 18 or over from those who are not. When partygoers arrive they are issued a wristband indicating which group they are in. In my experience, this does not always work well and is regarded by many of the young people I have spoken to as 'restrictive' and 'too controlling'. That said, I have spoken to many parents who have used this option and have found it to be successful - once again, it has so much to do with the parent-child relationship 
• a bar service where proof-of age has to be given before alcohol is served - I now know of a couple of parents who have used this option and from what they have said, it worked well. It's based on what would happen at a bar or club if you wanted to drink alcohol. There is no BYO and attendees are informed on the invitation that there will be trained bar staff present who will be serving alcohol to those 18 years or over - proof of age will be required. No spirits are allowed, you can only collect one drink at a time and because alcohol is only available from the bar, levels of intoxication can hopefully be monitored. An interesting option ...
• hold the event on licensed premises - this is the one I often suggest to parents who are really struggling in this area. If you hold an 18th birthday on a licensed premises, even if a parent wants to give consent for their teen to drink, they can't - it is an offence. All those who are 18 or over are able to drink and establishing proof-of-age is no longer your responsibility. The licensee must monitor the young people coming to the party and they also have to ensure that no-one on their premises drinks to the point of intoxication. It's a 'win-win'! This can be an expensive option and some young people don't like it because of the restrictions that will be placed on some of their friends but it does tick all the boxes for a parent!

So there it is - whether you choose to allow those who are underage to drink alcohol at an 18th or you try to prevent it from happening, neither way is going to be particularly easy. Regardless of what you do, involve your teen in the organization process and let them see what actually goes on when putting on such an event. As already said, the success of the event will usually depend on the relationship you have with your son and daughter ...Whatever decision you make, you want a celebration like this to bring you together and certainly not tear you apart!

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Support the Rights of All Women

Have you been observing International Women's Day?

All women should be free to be themselves, to have their basic human and civil rights, whether they are cisgender, transgender, or noncomforming or fluid; whether they are asexual, heterosexual, lesbian, bisexual, polysexual, or pansexual; whether they are aromantic, celibate, monogamous, or ethically nonmonogamous. Whether their relationships are exogamous, endogamous, or consanguineous. Whether they are questioning or they are certain. Whether they are raising children or have raised children or not. Whether they are a married or partnered or single.

A woman, regardless of her birth, sexual orientation, relationship orientation, race, or religion, should be free to share love, sex, residence, and marriage (and any of those without the others) with ANY and ALL consenting adults, without fear of prosecution, bullying, shaming, or discrimination.

(Same goes for any other adults, too.)

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Florida is Still Prosecuting Consenting Adults

The overwhelming majority of consanguinamorous relationships never result in an arrest or prosecution. In fact, right now, as you read this, there are people engaged in consanguinamory not too far from where you are, whether you like that or not. Unfortunately, sometimes people aren't as careful as they should be.

The latest case getting international media coverage is from the state of Florida. Much weird news comes out of Florida, but this is weird primarily in that consenting adults are being prosecuted for consensual (to be redundant) sex.

From wtvy.com...

According to Panama City arrest records, a father and daughter were arrested Tuesday and charged with incest.

Police arrested Justin Bunn, 39, and Taylor Bunn, 19.

So they are consenting adults.

Police arrest records state the father and daughter were witnessed having sex in their backyard on Wakulla Avenue in Panama City.

So someone ratted them out. We don't know the condition of the backyard. Did the neighbors have to strain to see them or not? Depending on the condition of the backyard, I could see issuing them a warning or a ticket, but charging them with a serious crime is ridiculous and a waste of resources. The neighbors should have gone to them sometime later and requested they be more discreet, rather than ratting them out. Notice the charge isn't for public exposure.

The arrest records state the both Justin and Taylor Bunn admitted to having consensual sex in post-Miranda confessions.

As ridiculous as it is that consensual (to be redundant) sex is a crime, Americans have the right to remain silent at they should exercise it. Even if the police seem to know everything already.

Both Bunns were in court Wednesday. Justin Bunn's bond was set at $5,000 and Taylor Bunn's bond was set at $1,000. Both were ordered by a judge to not have contact with each other.

Outrageous. What is the harm of them having contact? There is no good reason for this to be a criminal matter. What a waste of resources.

The case was covered at torontosun.com...

Cops picked up a Florida man and his teen daughter after disturbed neighbours reported seeing them engage in “missionary” style sex in their backyard.

The newspapers play the coverage off like it is shocking, but they include unnecessarily salacious details. Makes me wonder.

According to a police affidavit, Bunn admitted to having “consensual” sex with his offspring but stated it was an “isolated incident.”

Again, don't admit to anything. Once is enough for the unconstitutional law to be applied

What's the point of having their pictures, names, and street published? What danger are they? Are that does is open them up to attack from bigots. Journalists and editors need to be more careful.

The case was covered by The Smoking Gun.

Finally, here's coverage from Suman Varandani at ibtimes.com...

This is not the first incident when a father and daughter had consensual sex.

Really?!? REALLY?!?

OF COURSE IT ISN'T. It has happening every day, all over the planet, and has for all of human history. But that line was inserted so that they could go on to stick it to consenting adults whose cases we already covered on this blog.

This is a victimless "crime" and it shouldn't be a crime in the first place. They should be allowed to marry, if they want. Some would say the daughter is being abused, but if that is the case, why is she charged with a crime, too? It's all so infuriating. It doesn't matter who is shocked or disgusted. These are consenting adults and they should be free to be together how they mutually agree. This is yet another example of why we need full marriage equality sooner rather than later.

If you're in a relationship with a close relative with whom you've living, please be careful. Figure out how to protect your privacy.

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How to Pull Off Living With Your Consanguinamorous Partner(s)

So you're in a consanguinamorous relationship and having the time of your life, or you're considering it, and you want to know about the possibilities and how-to when it comes to living with your lover. Some of you will want separate residences but most of you want to reside together. Someday, the considerations written below will no longer be necessary because things will be better, but for now, these serious considerations are necessary.

On the "good news" side is that, while there is much bigotry in many places against consanguinamory, often including criminalization, so that some lovers can't marry or sex is illegal, there are no laws against relatives living together and most cultures encourage it instead of discouraging it. There is a long history of family members living together. Although there has been an "American Dream" portraying a "nuclear family" married man and woman (not closely rated) living in a single-family house with 2.3 children, the reality has always been different for most people. One common variation has been for a couple (married or unmarried) or a single person to live with their parents or have a parent living with them, having one or more sibling living with them, etc.



Still Living With Mom(s) and/or Dad(s)

Ever hear of "My home, my rules?" If you're still a minor, you definitely to have follow that (as long as those rules aren't abusive or otherwise harmful). But even if you're a legal adult, if you're living in their home rent-free, you still have to stick to their rules. Ideally, they'd be supportive of your love. There are some supportive parents, and they're a wonderful help.

Unfortunately, there are some parents who aren't supportive, even to the point they'd do something as atrocious as ratting out their own children to the police. Especially if you're a minor, you could even be placed in psychiatric ward against your will, at least for a few days.

If you're living with your parents and they know and are not supportive, you're going to have to be extremely careful, even more so than if they don't know but you think they'd disapprove. It's is best not to be caught or outed, but if you already have and they are against it, it is a good idea to let them think it has stopped. You can tell them it was just an experiment, a phase, and it is over. Meanwhile, you should do what you can to move out and become independent from them. Even if you're still a minor, in some places you can become what we call "emancipated" if you can demonstrate that you can take care of yourself.

If you're fortunate enough to be living with supportive parents, you still need to keep in mind your neighbors, extended family, your parents' friends, or anyone else who might disapprove and try not to put your parents in a difficult position if you can reasonably avoid it.

Something to consider if you're living with other, uninvolved family members, even family members who are basically supportive, is that there can be some envy involved. A typical example would be if a you are involved with your sibling and another sibling feels left out or rejected, or even just irritated that you're in a passionate relationship and they're having boyfriend or girlfriend trouble.


General Considerations

One of the Biggest Decisions: Stay or Establish a New Life?

Many consanguineous lovers find that moving away from people who know of their relation, especially to a place that has no laws against consanguinamory, can be very liberating. As with moving for any other reason, there are many factors to consider and visiting potential places of relocation would be a good idea.

Whether you stay or move, privacy is your friend. Carefully consider what you do on social media, for example, and option to deny other people the ability to "check you in" or tag you.


Even if you stay where people know you, or do not hide your relation if you do move...

Living With Relatives is Considered Normal

Close family members, whether sibling, or adult children and parents, or whomever, have lived together all throughout history. Sometimes the underlying reason has been consanguinamory, but there are other reasons, too, which can be part of a cover story: convenience, efficiency, and security.

You may prefer separate bedrooms for actual sleeping. Many married and partnered people do. But even if you like being together around the clock, it's usually a good idea to have a separate bedroom if at all possible, even just for appearances. It helps with the cover story if people know you're related.

Have A Cover Story

Speaking of a cover story, it is a good idea to establish and agree on one. It is probably going to depend somewhat on your other decisions and it is going to influence subsequent decisions. For example, if you move somewhere new, are you going to present yourselves as an unrelated married or partnered couple? Platonic unrelated roommates? If you have the same last (family, surname) name and people are going to know that, then it would probably be a good idea to say you're married, unless it is a very common last name, in which case you share a good chuckle about it with anyone who asks. In the US, people can legally change their name, so that may also be something to look into, depending on what you want to do.

If you're going to stay where people know your relation, how will you answer questions about why you're living together?

Although it may never happen, think about how you'll handle it if someone asks or asserts that you're close relatives in a sexual relationship. Are you going to look confused (which only works the first time they see you do it) and feign disgust? Are you going to chuckle and say something like "That's funny!" or give a sarcastic, "Oh, yeah, that's what's going on?" However you think it would be best to handle it, it is good that you do not to allow it to happen to you without having thought through how you could respond. What you do not want to have happen is to have the same person approach your partner and confirm you are in a sexual relationship and then come to you and confirm you're close relatives. You have to be on the same page about what you're going to tell people.

Some consanguinamorous people have taken on beards, meaning that, since they can't legally marry each other and face hostility just for being together, they have married, or at least publicly partnered with, other people. Although this is extreme, there's nothing wrong with it as long as everyone involved knows what is going on. Throughout history, people have taken on beards to deflect suspicion, but sometimes it has been done without the beard knowing what he or she was getting into.


Whether, When, To Whom, How to Come Out

Unfortunately, some people are outed against their will, but it is great if you aren't and the decisions about coming out are left entirely up to you and your partner(s). Many people feel stressed by the pressure of staying in the closet and not being able to behave naturally around their lover. On the other hand, criminalization, discrimination, harassment, being disinherited, and other possible reactions have to be considered.

Something that works for some people, mostly when it comes to their family and friends, is a "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy. Even if people have figured out that you are consanguinamorous, they might prefer not to ask and not to hear about it and you might like that just fine, too. Some people who might find it strange or even a bit unsettling will "live and let live" as long as you don't speak plainly with them about it. It would be great if you could be completely open and honest with the people in your life, but in most cases, that's not possible yet.

You and your partner(s) might agree to stay closeted until/unless X, Y, or Z happens. For example, you may want to stay closeted until your grandparents pass, or until you move to a place where it isn't against the law.



Love Notes, Sexts, and Texts

Most lovers these days send each other texts, pictures, audio, and video to express their love and desire for each other. No matter how modest these are, if they are discovered, they can out you to the wrong people. Especially if you're living with your parents or with someone else who you aren't certain is an ally, you should consider either refraining from doing these things or using services that allow for encryption and disappearing communications, such as Wire.


The Other Biggest Decision

If there is, when two of you get together, a fertile and working reproductive system, then you should  consider whether and when to have children, or how you're going to make sure you don't. There are many forms of contraception and vasectomies are simple if you're insured.

Every pregnancy has risks, but some have more risks than others. Some consanguineous lovers decide there is too much of a risk due a family history of genetic diseases, or because of discrimination. The existence of a shared genetic child has been used in criminal cases against consanguinamorous people.

There are DNA tests people can get to check for what they might pass along to a genetic child, although some people are concerned about the privacy commitment or security of some testing services.

There's also the certainty that people will ask someone who is pregnant, if they don't have a partner known to have a penis, how they got pregnant. How will you answer? Sperm donor (friend or sperm bank)? One night stand? Fling? Embryo donation? The truth?

Of course, if you have worries about your own genes or ability to carry a pregnancy (or there isn't a fertile reproductive system between two of you) there are also reproductive technologies and services that provide eggs, sperm, embryos, surrogate mothers, etc. and various forms of adoption, so that you can raise a child if you'd like.

However you come to raise children, another thing you should think about is if and when to tell the children that fact that you're in a consanguinamorous relationship.



What If...?

Discuss with your partner(s) any possible "What ifs" you can think of. What if the laws change for the better? What if we're outed? What if we move there?

Something you should consider is whether or not one of you will push The Red Button.


Consider Legal Help

There are multiple reasons to consult attorneys.

If you live where criminalization is still in effect and you're not going to move to a better place, a criminal law defense attorney should be consulted. You don't have to even say to the attorney that you're breaking the law. Rather, you can "ask hypothetically" if you'd like.

In some places, a family law or financial attorney and help you and your partner(s) to be pretty much married under the law without it being called marriage. Even if you don't want to be married, you still might want certain protections. This is especially helpful if you're not legally next of kin or if someone else (especially someone who doesn't approve of your love) has equal claim to being next of kin. This can assist you in sharing property and finances, having access to each other if one of you is hospitalized, so on and so forth. Again, you might not have to tell these attorneys that you are consanguinamorous.


Where Can You Live as Independent Adults?

Remember: If at all possible, having separate bedrooms, even if just for appearances, can be helpful.

Landlords

If you're going to get an apartment, flat, or even a house you're going to rent/lease, they might want/need the name of any adult who is going to be living there on the rental/lease agreement. If the landlord knows of your relation (and is NOT an ally), they're probably going to find it strange if it will be clear you'll be sharing a room, depending on your genders and sexual orientations. They might not think anything of it, for example, if they think you're a woman who is going to room with her gay brother, or you're brothers and you're heterosexual, or you're a mother and daughter. In a one-bedroom place, a couple can make it seem as though one has taken the bedroom and the other lives in the space that isn't considered a bedroom. Two siblings or a parent and adult child sharing a two-bedroom place isn't going to raise eyebrows at all.

Things can be less formal, but there's usually less privacy, if you rent a room in a house.

It is great if you can rent a house from a landlord who is not local and thus never visits, and only cares that you don't trash the place and that you pay your rent.

Ideally, you'd find a landlord who is an ally, but if not, discretion is usually going to be a must. In most places, it is still legal to refuse to rent to, or evict, people who are in a consanguinamorous relationship.


Roommates

As with landlords, ideally, you'd be able to find a roommate or roommates who are supportive, but if not, it's going to be very difficult.



Your Home, Your Rules

The best way to live together, if you can pull it off, is to buy your own place, whether a house, condominium, or possibly a mobile home. This affords the most privacy, especially if you make sure views and acoustic conditions are maximized for privacy.


Consider the Wide Open Road

Some people literally live in "recreational vehicles," sometimes called campers. These are basically vans, buses, or trucks that are equipped to be mobile homes. Especially if you're child-free by choice or by age (the kids have grown and moved on), if it suits your lifestyle, it will allow you to quickly move on if you think it would be best to do so.

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Consent is THE Issue

In the US, we’re currently seeing what happens when people disregard consent one way: by sexually harassing, assaulting, or molesting someone. People are speaking up about how predatory people did certain things to them even though they did not consent.

On the flip side, we have laws and widely held bigotries that disregard consent when they criminalize and otherwise discriminate against adults who are consenting to their relationships.

Consent needs to be respected both ways.

If adults mutually consent to something with each other, whether it is one driving the other to dinner, a hug, a kiss, touching, a sex act, something involving BDSM, then nobody else should interfere uninvited. And if there is no mutual agreement, nobody should be harassed or coerced into doing something.

Why is this so hard to understand?

Respect consent!!!

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Ten Reasons Why Consensual Incest Is Wrong

1) Some people get abused by relatives. That makes consensual incest wrong the same way abuse/assault by non-relatives makes sex in general wrong.

2) Many people are disgusted by the idea. If something disgusts many people, it must be wrong for everybody! People are so disgusted by the possibility of having sex with a close relative that they always get DNA tests before having sex with anyone, to just be sure they aren’t having sex with a relative.

3) It increases the risks of birth defects, and anything that does that is wrong and shouldn’t be allowed, just like we don’t allow pre-menopausal women over the age of 35 to have sex, and we don’t let anybody with obvious, serious inheritable diseases have sex. Yup, this is why it is wrong for two half-brothers to fall in love, or why stepsiblings who didn’t even meet until they were teenagers shouldn’t be together. They might make a mutant baby!

4) It’s illegal in some places, and something being illegal always makes it wrong. You know, like harboring runaway slaves? That’s why having sex with your first cousin is wrong in Texas but just fine in almost every other US state, half of which legally marry first cousins, and why consensual incest between closer family members isn’t wrong in Rhode Island, which has no laws against consensual adult incest.

5) It’s not natural, and people should only be allowed natural things, like bicycles, smart phones, and iPads. OK, maybe it is natural in some species. But we shouldn’t lower ourselves to the behavior of other animals, who make wars and pollute the planet.

6) Someone’s religion is against it. And if someone’s religion is against it, nobody else should be able to do it. You’ll never find examples of acceptable consensual incest in the Bible.

7) There are so many people you’re not closely related to. That makes consensual incest (consanguinamory) wrong, just like there being plenty of people in your own race makes interracial relationships wrong.

8) Only rural poor people would ever do such a thing, not royals or educated people. And anything done by rural poor people is wrong.

9)There is often a power differential in consensual incestuous relationships, and relationships with power differentials are just wrong. That’s why no President of the United States, Senator, Governor, judge, district attorney, or police chief has ever been married, and we bar wealthy or intelligent people from marrying someone who isn’t as wealthy or intelligent as them. Yes, power differentials are exactly why half siblings close in age, even if they didn’t meet until they were adults, shouldn’t be allowed to be together.

10) It messes up family structures and dynamics. That’s why every family’s dynamics are always required to be evaluated and corrected by outsiders, and people are never allowed to break up if a breakup will mess up the dynamics of the family. And people are never allowed to work with family members, as that could cause conflicts or too much reliance on family. Yes, messing up a family dynamic is why genetic relatives who were raised by different families should never be allowed to be together.

Yup, we need to let all of those people who’ve found that a close relative makes the best life partner for them, or perhaps just a trustworthy sexual partner, know what they are doing is wrong and they should stop, and go settle for someone else, who I’m sure will be just fine being the B-list choice for someone who’d rather be with the person they see when the family gets together. People need to make sure they aren’t doing anything that makes anyone who’s not involved uncomfortable. That needs to come before their happiness.

This bit of sarcasm is brought to you by someone who supports the rights of ALL consenting adults to their relationships with any and all consenting adults.

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Is There Any Sexuality You Don't Support?

Someone asked me that question privately.

If by sexuality, one means gender identity or sexual orientation… I support people being free to be themselves, as long as they don’t force themselves on others (like predators of children).

Regarding sex…

I believe in the basic human rights of freedom of religion, association, expression, and assembly. Anything consenting adults do together should be up to them, and should not be something to be subjected to criminal prosecution, discrimination, or bullying. Nor should minors close in age be prosecuted or forced into “treatment” for having sex with each other.

I don't consider rape, assault, or child molestation to be "sex." I'm all for prosecuting for those.

I think if someone is at the age of consent for sex, that age of consent should also apply to being recorded or photographed. If someone wants to make videos of themselves to take pictures of themselves or let someone else do it, and they want to show it to others, and another person of the age of consent wants to view it, fine.

Regarding marriage…

I support the right to marry for everyone. An adult should be free to marry any and all consenting adults.

But…

My support of legal rights and protections does not mean I personally support all sex or marriages.

For example, I think it is a bad idea for, say, a woman who needs monogamy to have sex on the first date, and if a friend like that wants my "support" I would tell her no, it is a bad idea.

Another example… I think it is safe to say we’ve all known people who announced they were going to get married and we cringed (if only inside) because we didn’t think they were right for each other, or perhaps in a place in their lives where they were ready to be married.

I am also against cheating (but again, I don’t think it should be a criminal matter). Cheating is when someone breaks an existing vow to another through action, rather than informing the person(s) with whom they have the vow that the agreement is ending. There are married couples who have agreements that allow one or both of them to have sex with other people, and per those agreements doing so would not be cheating.

However, if someone tells me they are happily involved with their close biological relative, or two close biological relatives, and none of them are cheating to do it, then yes, I support them. I support happy, healthy same-gender relationships, interracial relationships, polyamorous relationships, intergenerational relationships (adults), and consanguinamorous relationships.

I am sex-positive. Sex is a good thing for many reasons. We’d be better off if more people were having more sex and sex that was more satisfying to them. So generally, I “support sex.” Those who don’t think sex is a good thing or talk as though it isn’t may be doing it wrong, or may have forgotten what it is like (certain asexuals excepted).

What about you? Are you sex-positive?

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Consanguinamory is Far More Popular Than Most People Think

At least, the thought of it is. (so is the actual thing). Again we see that porn reveals what people are really thinking and fantasizing about, and what they like to see. Sure, some like "incest porn" because of the taboo, but others like it because they have consanguinamorous inclinations, even outright orientation. As we keep pointing out, though, porn, like most media, is not reality. It is fantasy. Even amateur material featuring real lovers is only a snapshot of their life and relationship. We have called on people who enjoy such fantasy material to support consanguinamorists. There should be a lot of allies out there, according to the articles examined below. Solidarity is needed.

Luke O'Neil at equire.com points out how popular "incest porn" is getting. Be warned that the language gets sexually explicit.

Bree Mills was taking a victory lap.

While the adult film director and producer had been nominated at last year’s AVN Awards, which is often referred to as the Oscars of porn, this year’s ceremony was a coronation. At the Hard Rock Cafe in Las Vegas in late January, Mills took home the top award, movie of the year, for Half His Age: A Teenage Tragedy, a film about a student-teacher relationship and a pair of raunchy step-siblings. She also won "Best New Imprint" for her company Pure Taboo, which produces films that feature, among other topics, “family role play.” And she picked up another win for "Best Taboo Relations”—a category that didn’t even exist until 2015—for Dysfucktional: Blood Is Thicker Than Cum.

Incest porn, it seems, is having a moment.

It's not just a moment.

"You can ask any young female performer what bookings she has this month, and she’ll tell you she’s playing 17 step-daughters," Whitney Wright, who’s filmed three performances for Pure Taboo, told Esquire. Since she came into the industry in 2016, the majority of her roles have involved some sort of family element. "Everybody has become pretty used to it."

Get used to it, people.

Incest isn't new territory for porn. And it's not just straight porn, either. In 2009, Czech studio Bel Ami's website doubled its traffic to 1.5 million monthly users, all flocking to witness the "twincest" videos of Elijah and Milo Peters—the latest in a dozen or so pairs of actual brothers to appear in gay porn together since the 1970s. But across the board, the floodgates have opened. In 2014, incest terms started showing up in Pornhub's top searches—"stepmom" came in 4th place, "mom" in 5th—and have been popular ever since. On the front page of Gamelink you’ll find new releases like Mommy Blows Best and My Dad, Your Dad: Calm Down, There Are Enough Dads for Everyone. Nearly every popular studio now features a family-style imprint too, from Team Skeet's Sis Loves Me series to Brazzers' Mommy Got Boobs.

Videos are reflecting what written erotica has long expressed.

From the Bible to Back to the Future, incest has been an ever-present element of storytelling, and one that has always been frowned upon.

Not so. That's never been true.

Every state in the U.S. has a prohibition against incestuous relations on the books, which explains why a significant percentage of "family role play"-style films tiptoe around actual incest.

If by "prohibition" you're referring to assault/molestation or getting legally married, yes. But if you're talking about sex, that's not true.

Instead, they frame characters as non-blood relations. Technically speaking, it's "fauxcest."

"Every scene I do is always a 'step,' it’s never my real father," explained Riley Reid, one of the most popular adult actresses in the business. "And usually they're fairly new [relations]—like, 'my mom's new husband,' so it's not somebody who has raised me."

"I think you legally have to say, 'This is crazy, you’re my step-brother' a certain number of times," Wright added. "You also have to somehow fit in there that both are over the age of 18, like, 'Now that so-and-so's back from college.'"

In some places, step relations are still subject to "incest" laws, though.

This latest trend is just a natural progression in our society's relationship with porn, according to Paul Wright, Ph.D. of the Media School at Indiana University.

“As types of pornography that were less common in the past—for example violence, this or that fetish—become more and more common and easily accessible, consumers get bored by them and need the extremity and deviance upped a notch to once again become aroused and excited," says Wright. "Few sexual acts are more extreme or deviant than incest."

Loving each other is not extreme. Enjoying sex with each other is not extreme. This is not snuff.

Lonnie Barbach, a doctor of clinical psychology who has written numerous books on sexuality and female sexuality in particular, echoes Wright's sentiment.

"Pornography keeps pushing the boundaries—it’s been doing that for a number of decades, to now where it’s gotten to incest," she said. "Sex has always been about the forbidden, and here it’s just about as forbidden as you can get."

Uh, no. This stuff was popular in the 1970s and 1980s for sure, and probably long before as well.

"I think [porn websites] were able to spot trends in family role play, pump out a lot of content that met that demand, and then put that into all of their advertising, which influenced what people were watching," Mills said. "It became a closed loop—go to Pornhub and all the ads are about family stuff. That helped propel it to the mass popular interest it is now."

It's a reflection.

Companies like Mindgeek (the internet giant that owns Pornhub) compile reams of data about what erotica their users search for and often release it to the public. By knowing what people want, nimble studios can then rush more and more of it into production.

"We are the supply to your demand," said Tasha Reign, performer, director, and advocate for the adult film industry. "What we create has a lot to do with what is popular. It is a business."

They're going to follow the money.

While Reign is the rare actress who hasn’t dabbled in incest-style roles, she says she is a consumer of it herself and can understand the appeal.

"There are many things we like to watch that we would never want to do in our personal lives," she said. "I think that’s what is positive about the adult industry: We give you an outlet to channel these feelings in a safe environment."

This is true, too. Someone can have fantasies they'd never act out.

Incest in the real world is often extremely traumatic and criminal and can have profound mental health implications—namely, because the victims are so often children.

WOAH! Child abuse and consenting adults having sex are two very different things. It is dishonest to conflate them. He continues along that mistaken line of conflating the two.

Several weeks earlier, Debra W. Soh covered the topic at playboy.com...

In January, Pornhub released its annual “Year in Review” report, which highlights the top porn trends of the previous year, as measured by what people searched for on the site. Frankly, there’s nothing more this sex scientist turned journalist looks forward than perusing such data, especially as an indicator of how our sexual proclivities are evolving (or not).

Surprisingly, the top trending search throughout 2017 was “Porn for Women,” followed by searches for Rick and Morty porn parodies—a testament to the show’s popularity—and fidget spinners, of all things.
Across the entire site, however, the top six search terms of 2017 included “step mom,” “step sister” and “mom,” speaking to the growing trend of incest pornography known as “fauxcest,” or fictionalized incest. Within the United States in particular, “step sister”- and “step mom”-themed pornography ranked highest.

This shouldn't be surprising anymore.

As queasy as the phrase incest porn might make us feel, depictions of these kinds of relationships are commonplace in pop culture. Consider multiple storylines on Game of Thrones, including the incestuous relationships between Daenerys Targaryen and her nephew, Jon Snow, and “twincest” between Queen Cersei and Jaime Lannister. Other notable instances include the marquee stepsibling duo of 1999’s Cruel Intentions, Marty McFly and his mother in 1985’s Back to the Future and twincest between Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia of the Star Wars franchise, launched in 1977.

As we've said here before.

The 2018 AVN Awards’ nominees reflects this trend, with the category of “Best Taboo Relations Movie” having been dominated by titles that sound innocent enough, like “Family Friendly,” “Fathers and Daughters” and “I Like My New Stepsister.” In an interview with the Daily Beast, Lady Fyre, an adult content producer whose studio ranks among the top 15 on the amateur porn and fetish site Clips4Sale, 35 percent of her videos consists of fauxcest. The most in-demand theme is that of mother/son, followed by stepmother/stepson.

Online forums also reflect this.

Fantasies revolving around incest also aren’t anything new; the “daddy-daughter” role-play is seemingly commonplace in the BDSM community. For men who are into fauxcest, it represents the final frontier in stigmatized sex, and it is this deviant aspect that turns viewers on.

For some, yes. Not for all.

Therein lies the uncomfortable moral question: Can incest among adults be consensual?

OF COURSE IT CAN!!!

Even if we put aside the influence of family dynamics and take the chances of reproduction off the table by way of voluntary sterilization, the majority of us would argue it isn’t something that should ever become socially acceptable.

There's no good reason to criminalize or stigmatize it.

She then makes the mistake of trying to invoke science to justify the prejudice.

Furthermore, a 2008 study in the Journal of Cognitive Neuroscience found a unique pattern of brain activation that occurs when we imagine situations that involve moral wrongness, including acts of incest, offering evidence that we are biologically programmed to avoid these behaviors.

Some people are. Some people aren't. That's the way sexuality is. People have different orientations, preferences, attractions, dislikes, etc.

The genre itself understandably makes people uneasy because it appears to be one step away from endorsing the sexualization and abuse of children.

Did O'Neil use this article as his template? This is a terrible argument. It's like saying "If you have sex with your adult neighbor, you're going to have sex with their little child next!"

We've seen much concern about minors accessing porn. No doubt one reason some do is that they see their own feeling validated in some material and they don't get that in many other places. This was written for young people with consanguinamorous feelings.

If you are 18 or older and you're dealing with such feelings, read this, and if someone close to you has expressed such feelings, read this.

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