Why would teens use some of these more 'unusual' substances? How are they accessing them and why would they decide to use them at school?

A couple of weeks ago, many Australian readers of this blog would have seen reports of an 'overdose' incident at a Gold Coast school. Now I need to make it clear that I do not have any connection with that school and I have not been privy to what actually occurred on that day - I only have media reports to rely on, which as we all know are not always entirely accurate. Regardless, it would appear that we can be quite certain of some basic facts, i.e., a group of Year 10 boys took a substance (with Queensland Police confirming that it was Phenibut later in the week) to school and then made a decision to use it while on school grounds. They then had an adverse reaction to the drug with seven of them being taken to hospital, four reportedly in a critical condition. All of the boys have now recovered and according to media reports, have been expelled from the school.

Without a doubt this would have to be one of the most bizarre stories regarding school-based young people that I have ever been asked to comment on ... When I was first asked to be interviewed I asked for a little time to check up that what I was being told by the journalist was actually true! There were (and still are) so many questions about this incident, including the following:

• why would young men mess around with such a bizarre drug?
• how did they find out about the drug?
• did they have any idea about the risks involved with using the substance?
• where did they get it from and are there many other young people experimenting with it?
• why did they decide to use the drug at school?

Firstly, it's important to acknowledge that groups of young people experimenting with 'weird and wacky' substances is not unusual. In some of the interviews I was asked if I had heard about this kind of 'mass overdose' situation before. As I said, there are quite a few examples of such events over the past 25 years, but they usually involved easily accessible household products (e.g., sniffing aerosol cans) or pharmaceutical drugs, usually mixed with alcohol. There have also been a number of cases of naturally-occurring hallucinogens causing similar problems. I pride myself on usually having my 'finger on the pulse' when it comes to what young people are doing and I've never been greatly surprised by the overdoses of the past, but this one floored me ...

Hardly a week goes past without a young person either asking me a question, either face-to-face or via email, about some new drug, Phenibut however, had never been discussed. So what is it and why would teens want to experiment with it?

Phenibut is a depressant, slowing down the central nervous system, and is approved in Russia, Ukraine, and Latvia for the treatment of, amongst other things, insomnia and anxiety. It is not approved or available as a medication in most other countries of the world, including Australia, but is sold online as a "nutritional supplement". Although you can find online discussion about the product in chat rooms dealing with drug use, it is on YouTube that the drug is really promoted. Videos with titles such as 'My Phenibut Review – What You Can Expect And What It Feels Like', 'Beginner's Guide To Phenibut' and 'The Ultimate Phenibut Dosage Guide' can all be found there and are easily accessible to young people.

What is interesting is that the majority of people featured in these videos are older, they're certainly not teenagers. Many of the YouTube videos tout the product as an effective treatment for anxiety, some have bodybuilders promoting it is a useful supplement, supposedly stimulating growth hormone, while others claim it is a 'smart drug', useful in helping you prepare for an exam. Other videos discuss the euphoric effect of the drug, similar to that of GHB, a drug also known as 'fantasy' or 'liquid ecstasy' - a drug very well-known in this country for its links to mass overdoses at dance festivals over the years. So, in terms of why young people would experiment with this substance, the answer is most probably its supposedly 'euphoric' effects, although Erowid (one of the best sources of drug information available) states that it is likely to cause a "feeling of wellbeing, relaxation, slight disinhibition comparable to the effects of low-dose alcohol". Not really a ringing endorsement for a substance!

When it comes to access to this drug, all you need to do is to type 'Buy Phenibut' into a Google search and you will find a range of sites that will allow you to purchase the so-called 'nutritional supplement'. This is not a product that you have to search the so-called 'dark web' for - it truly is just a couple of clicks away! Worryingly, I'm starting to see more young people who are accessing pharmaceutical drugs in exactly the same way (particularly Xanax - a drug that I'm being asked more and more about in recent times) - finding online pharmacies that are extremely easy to access that are more than happy to provide a wide range of medications.

But then we come to the real question that I am still struggling with - why would these young men make the decision to experiment with this drug at school? To be quite honest, if they hadn't and had used the product at home and had had a similar reaction, they may not have been found and there could have been truly tragic consequences. That said, it is highly unusual for young people to experiment in this way on school property. All of the other 'mass overdose' incidents involving teens and 'strange substances' I can remember usually took place on a weekend in homes, parks or bushland. Now, if you're thinking teens, particularly young men, have always played around with drugs like cannabis at school, that would be true - it was once an issue - but it hasn't been for some time. Recently, however, we have seen this starting to become much more of an issue, with growing numbers of schools having to deal with students bringing and using cannabis at school, leading to far more suspensions and expulsions than I have seen for many years.

So why is there this change? Why are young people appearing to be increasingly more likely to take the risk of bringing an illicit drug like cannabis or one of these more 'unusual' substances like Phenibut into schools? This simply makes no sense at all - the chance of them getting caught is much greater and the consequences of having drugs in your possession on school property are very clear. If we look at it purely from a physiological perspective, we need to remind ourselves of how a teenage brain works and why they take risks ... Young people don't take part in risky behaviour because they want to hurt themselves and it's not that they don't understand the dangers - it's just that they weigh risk versus reward differently. As one academic has been quoted as saying - "they don't downgrade the risk, they give more weight to the payoff." This reward increases when around their peers - that is why you usually see groups of young men, not individuals, taking part in such activity.

So why is this all of a sudden a greater problem, haven't teen brains have always been the same? I wish I knew ... certainly many of the schools I work with are really struggling with how to deal with this potentially dangerous behaviour. Interestingly, it appears we are seeing more drugs being brought into schools at a time when current research shows us that drug use is actually decreasing amongst school-based young people. For some reason, even though less teens are using illicit drugs, those who are using them are doing more stupid things ... Let's just hope that we don't see a tragedy as a result ...

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A Loving Young Couple Denied Their Right to Marry

People in consanguinamorous relationships are everywhere, though consanguinamorists tend to be closeted. Fortunately, some are willing to be interviewed for this blog. As a result, Full Marriage Equality has featured scores of exclusive interviews with lovers are denied the freedom to be open about their love and are, by law, denied the freedom to marry and have that marriage treated equally under the law.

The man and woman interviewed below should be free to legally marry, yet they can't, and they could be imprisoned and have their lives ruined if they were outed to the wrong people. They are consenting adults who aren't hurting anyone; why should they be denied their rights? In much of the world, including all but a a few US states, they could be criminally prosecuted for their love

Read the interview below and see for yourself what this brother has to say, and what his sister also offers. You may think this relationship is interesting, or it might make you uncomfortable, or you might find it ideal, even highly erotic and romantic, but whatever your reaction, should these lovers be denied equal access to marriage or any other rights simply because they enjoy what we call double love?


WARNINGS: Self-harm and mildly explicit sexuality.
*****

FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe yourselves.

Anonymous Brother: We are Caucasian, American, living in a suburban area in the South-Eastern United States. No, not Alabama, that’s a stereotype! Slender body forms, brown hair, sometimes dark-dirty-blonde, our eyes change color, not a drastic change, just a slight hue shift. We feel it’s linked to mood and  possibly environment. Looking into each other’s eyes now, both pairs are nearly the same greyish-blue-green shade, with trails of golden-brown etching out from the pupils. This is the shade each other’s eyes have, most often, when we look. We both require corrective lenses to see well.

Contrary to stereotypes encompassing incest and those who are engaging in it, we come from a family of attorneys, high-ranking members of the criminal justice system, and even a few legislative politicians.

I’m almost 23, 5’ 11” tall. I’m a filmmaker, producer, and business owner. I was told I got above average scores on my IQ evaluations, which I took in my adolescent years. I have a high school diploma, technical college degree, and various independent certifications.

Anonymous Sister: I’ll be 21 soon. I am attending a four-year college and working as well. Some personal physical characteristics I have are short hair - well short for a female - about down to my ears. I am about 5’5”. Unlike my brother, a actually have a butt, he’s a flat-back. I have small breasts, which I’ve always been insecure about, along with a lot of other things I don’t like about myself. I don’t tell my brother though because he’ll spend hours telling me I’m wrong.

AB: She has a beautiful body and even more beautiful mind. Sweet smile and cute laugh. She graduated high school in the top ten of her class.


FME: Are you married or have you ever been married?

AB: We are not married legally married, but our hearts and souls are wed in every way that matters. We have thought about doing our own little amalgamation ceremony and giving each other wedding bands to wear on our fingers, but haven’t decided how we want to put it together or what we want it to involve yet.

She does wear an engagement ring I gave her though; four small diamonds and one large diamond in a platinum setting. We always wanted one of those cute “his and hers” things that every couple has like those amulets each partner wears half of, or couple’s shirts with one version for the guy and one for the girl.

We never found anything that we really felt represented us. Everything represents the love society “allows.” Today, that has expanded to include items representing homosexual and interracial love. But nothing symbolizes what we have. I wanted something to represent both parts of the double love we are so lucky to share: soulmates and siblings. So I had custom necklaces made. Each necklace is half of a DNA double helix, which can be connected to the other half. She was very emotional when I gave it to her and showed her what it was. She says it is one of, if not her favorite possession. She won’t go anywhere without it. Those are ways we’re bonded or spiritually married currently.


FME: How would you describe your genders? How would you describe your sexual orientation and your relationship orientation?

AB: Our genders are the same we were born with. We are monogamist as far as actual relationships are concerned. We have, on rare occasions, involved third parties in our sexual relationship, but nothing that could be considered polyamory. We are each other’s one and only. He’s male and heterosexual, I’m female and hetero and “bi-open”.

She’s not really attracted to girls but will engage in sex acts with girls if the occasion arises, like with a three-way or group sex.


FME: You currently live with... ?

AB: We live with each other. It’s just the two of us at this time.


FME: This is a romantic/sexual relationship between a brother and sister? Are you full blood siblings, half siblings, adopted siblings, or stepsiblings?

AB: Yes, we are full blood siblings, brother and sister, that are deeply, madly in love with each other. We have a very romantic and very sexual relationship.


FME: What was your childhood like? What was family life like?

AB: Our parents pushed hard for us to succeed. Sometimes a bit excessively. I know they care about us, and they were only doing what they thought was best, but sometimes it felt like we were only worth our grades. Other than school-related activities, our parents didn’t interact with us much, but really that was fine with us. We had each other.


FME: Were you raised together or did you spend much of your childhoods apart?

AB: We’ve known each other as long as we’ve been on this earth together. My first clear memory is of the first day I saw my little sister after she was born.


FME: How did sexual affection become a part of your relationship?

AB: It was at the same time we discovered, or maybe I should say, admitted to, our feelings for each other.

In our high school years, she was bullied by other girls a lot. I say it’s because they were jealous of her. To make a long story short, it got to her emotionally. She suffered severe depression. One night she attempted to take her own life. This was shortly after she was betrayed by a boyfriend she had. I will never forget that night. I just happened to walk past her room, her door was shut as it usually was. I heard her crying inside. This happened often, but that night, something told me to see if she was ok. I knocked on her door, she didn’t respond but the crying continued. I opened the door and flipped her light on. She was on her knees in the middle of her room. Both of her wrists were cut open. Bright red blood pulsed out from her radial arteries and formed a pool of blood on the floor. She looked up at me with the most hopeless expression I’ve ever seen, tears streaming down her cheeks, which were very pale. She spoke with a weak voice and all she could say was, “I’m sorry…”

Thankfully, I had first aid training and stopped the bleeding as best as I could. I woke up our parents so they could take her to the hospital. I held her on the ride there and she started to pass out about halfway to the hospital. I remember laying her back against me, reaching around her to hold pressure on the bandages on her wrists, and crossing her arms and mine in front of her chest, with her wrists above the level of her heart. I whispered in her ear, “I love you, sis…If you’ll stay with us…I promise; you will never feel alone or unloved ever again. I will care for you in any way you ever need me to. I will dedicate my life to the happiness of yours. Please, I don’t want to lose my little sister.”

It’s very hard and uncomfortable for me to relive that and very emotional for me.

When we brought her back home, she looked at the spot where I had found her that night. She was silent a few seconds, and then she turned around and embraced me. She told me she was very sorry for being, a “selfish bitch” - her choice of words, not mine - and making me feel like I had to watch after her. I could hear the shakiness in her voice and knew she was fighting the urge to cry more.

I started to tell her about the promise I made to her that night. She said she heard my voice saying that, she hadn’t really realized she blacked out. I told her there was nothing I’d rather do more than watch after her, care for her, do whatever had to be done to make her feel happy.

She kissed me quickly. It was the first time she had kissed me on my lips. I didn’t think anything of it though since it was very brief.

I started going to sleep with her in her room after that night. She didn’t need to be alone for the whole night, at least I didn’t feel that she did. I would stay up hours, even entire nights, just letting her cry on my arm. It was never a burden on me. I was, and still am, very lucky to have the honor of comforting her. When she fell asleep each night, I would place my arm around her and hold her tight against me. Secretly, I knew the truth of what I felt. At this point in my life, I was already in love with my sister. I kept my feelings to myself as best as I could though.

We were lying in bed one night, as usual. Thankfully, she wasn’t upset about anything, in fact, she seemed pretty cheerful that night. We just talked about random things after turning off the lights. We had never cuddled or spooned while we were both awake, I had always waited until she was asleep and then put my arm around her. However, this night, as we were talking, she casually snuggled up with her back against me. Neither of us said anything about it right then. We just continued talking. I gently put my arm around her and pulled her close to me. There was a reason I didn’t usually do this while she was awake though. After a few minutes, I felt myself becoming aroused. I was wearing loose sleeping clothes so there wasn’t much I could do to hide it, especially with her being right up next to me.

She got up and walked out of the room. I assumed she was going to the bathroom, but I was worried she might be uncomfortable with me now.

She came back in, but I couldn’t see her in detail, the room was dark. I could only see her figure. She laid back down and I went to put my arm around her again. My arm landed across nothing but warm, soft skin. She was naked. She had removed her clothes in the bathroom. I wasn’t sure how to respond, but she said, “You don’t have to wait until you think I’m asleep, you know? You can touch me…” She paused and move my hand up to cup her breast, which fit perfectly in my hand, and still does. Then she finished her sentence with, “anywhere.”

And I did. We were both trembling, half with excitement, half from our nerves, as my hands openly explored my sister’s beautiful body for the first time.

She told me to turn the lamp on so I did. She got up, holding the covers to halfway cover herself. “You’ve done more for me than anyone ever has. You’ve always taken care of me and made sure I was happy.” She said. She dropped the covers, revealing herself. Then she said, “Please, look at me. I want you to see me naked.” I looked over my sister’s beautiful body. She asked if I thought she was pretty, and I told her she was more than pretty. She still is.

I told her I wanted her to see me naked as well, and she said she would like that. I disrobed and stood up. 

Sis and I looked each other over and tentatively approached one another. As we met, we put our arms around each other and both gazed into the other's eyes. I kissed my sister on her lips, deeply, passionately. I could feel myself shaking with a greater intensity now, as I nervously gauged her reaction. I asked her if she was sure she wanted this. She tightened her hold around me more, and I felt her warm, bare skin press against mine. She said that there was no other man she trusts to care for her, and her body, better than her brother who had been there for her through everything. She told me that she had never been surer of anything than she was of this. Then she returned the kiss I had given her, except this time, it continued unbroken.

Our hands found their way onto “forbidden” parts of each other. We let ourselves fall onto her bed together. I landed on top of her and she wrapped her legs around my waist. We skipped the foreplay for the moment. Now that our desires were known to each other, we urgently needed to consummate our love. I felt her hand gently grip and guide me into her. We were both virgins, and it was all that more special to be each other’s first. I drew back and pushed forward until finally, I was fully inside of her. I laid down on top of her, wrapped my arms underneath her, and kept still inside of her for a moment, just holding and kissing her. That feeling of her still amazes me every time. She sighed, then looked me in the eyes and nodded.

We made love together for the first time.

When we were both spent a few hours later, he was on top of me, shaking a little, resting her forehead on mine, and both of us were catching our breath. I whispered to her, "Was this wrong?" She whispered back, "If this was wrong, I don't want to be right." We’ve been together ever since.

I will never forget that magical moment as long as I live.


FME: Can you elaborate about your feelings then?

AB: The feeling of falling in love with her was unlike any other emotion I had ever experienced before. That’s how I knew that she was it for me, she was the one. I knew that I’d never love someone in the way I love my sister, and nobody would ever make me feel the way she does. I know that I could never be happy with anyone else except her. I could imagine the rest of my life without her being a part of it. The moment that I found out she shared my feelings was the happiest moment of my life. At that moment, nothing else mattered, the world could have been falling apart around us and my focus would have still been fixed on her.


FME: Before this had you ever thought this would be possible or enjoyable; did you have any opinion one way or the other about close relatives or family members being together?

I hadn’t really thought about it before my feelings developed for her. I knew the whole stigma around “incest” but personally I had never given it much thought. My sister is the only one I have desires for. She feels the same.


FME: How do you describe the sex now? Does it feel nature, taboo, what?

AB: The sex in our relationship is one of the most amazing parts of it. It is the best and so much more. We can’t even compare it to sex we’ve had with anyone else. We have both tried it with other people and sure, it’s physically pleasing but it lacks the fire of our sex life together. It is very erotic but not because of us being siblings.

We both have a very high sex drive. We joke with each other about being the only ones that could ever meet the other’s needs. I know there are people who get turned on by the idea of having sex with a sibling for the taboo of it, but that has nothing to do with it for us. We both have a number of kinks, but we have sex because we fell in love and want to share the ultimate display of love with one another. It feels like, and it is, meant to be. It is the most incredible experience and forms the greatest bond you can ever share with another human. The emotional power involved is unlike anything else. When we finish, she always cuddles up to me and puts her head on my chest and I think to myself, “I must be the luckiest man in the world.”


FME: Describe your relationship now. Is this a marriage, boyfriend/girlfriend, family-with-benefits, or what? Do you see each other as family or lovers, or are those two roles inseparable at this point?

AB: We’ve been together years now. Our relationship is like an unofficial marriage. We see each other a both family and lovers. It’s part of what makes our love so powerful. I love her as my sister and as my soulmate.


FME: You mentioned other sexual partners. Is this relationship closed or are either if you open to new partners? Do you swing or play with other lovers? If there have been other lovers since you got together, did those lovers know about you two and how did they react?

AB: We don’t mind playing with others, but at this point, it is pretty safe to say our relationship is closed. We have been exclusive to each other for some time now. With each other’s permission, we both independently experimented with a small number of others in the past. The only ones to know about us were another sibling couple we know. We partner swapped and engaged in group sex a few times with them. They are our best friends and two of the few people we can trust with our relationship.  


FME: Who in your life knows the full, true nature of your relationship and how did they find out? How have they reacted? What kind of steps, if any, have you had to take to keep your privacy?

AB: A few of our closest friends know and our parents know. Our friends support us. Our parents were shocked at first but they realized how happy we are together and how much we care about each other. They accepted us and told me to care for my sister and never hurt her.

We protect our privacy by limiting the number of people who know. We keep a list of places we’ve visited as a couple and places we visited as siblings and always visit them as the same when we return. We do not keep dirty pictures or videos of each other, and especially not dirty pictures or videos of us together. We are also careful to make sure we don’t look like a couple in any pictures we post online.


FME: Having to hide the full nature of your relationship from some people can be a disadvantage. Can you describe how that has been? Are there any other disadvantages? Conversely, do you think consanguineous relationships have some advantages and some things better than unrelated lovers?

AB: The main disadvantage is just not being able to openly express our love for each other. But the pros far outweigh the cons. We understand each other better than anyone else ever could. We know everything about each other. We share a lot in common. Best of all, we are truly connected to each other. A ring can come off, but nothing can ever disconnect us.



FME: What do you want to say to people who disapprove of your relationship, or disapprove of anyone having this kind of relationship? What's your reply to those who would say that this is one of you preying on the other, and that you can’t truly consent?

AB: I would say that if we can’t consent, then nobody on the face of the earth can consent. We are both legal age, of sound mind, and acting of our own free will. I would ask them how anyone can consent if we can’t.

FME: Do you have any children together?

AB: We do not have children at this point, but we absolutely plan to have a family together one day. Our kids will be the greatest blessing to our lives along with each other. Just to ensure we don’t share any recessive genes that would cause an issue, we have both received genetic counseling and we were cleared so we are sure our children will be absolutely fine.


FME: What would you say to something who says siblings shouldn't be allowed to have children?

AB: I would say that as long as they take steps to ensure that there are no issues that might come up there is no reason why we shouldn’t be allowed to have a perfectly healthy, happy child.


FME: Aside from the law, which I think is ridiculous, can you think of anything that would make relationships like this inherently wrong?

AB: The only thing wrong with “incest” are the restrictions against it.

FME: If you could get legally married, and that included protections against discrimination, harassment, etc., would you?

AB: Yes, if it was possible and there weren’t any restrictions built into the marriage by law, contract, etc. to limit the rights of genetically similar couples. If it was genuine, honest marriage, we certainly would. Protection from hate would be a great added value perk as well, but by the time we are allowed to be married, I hope that such protection would, or at least would soon, prove to be unnecessary. Marriage would add another bond to our love, but it wouldn’t replace our sibling bond. We can still be just as close without officially being married. The true connection is in our hearts.


FME: What advice do you have for someone who may be experiencing these feelings for a relative or family member, especially a sibling?

AB: My advice would be to follow your feelings. At least try to find out if they share them with you. Don’t assume they won’t, because you might be surprised. It is the greatest relationship you can have with anyone. It is the most powerful love you’ll ever know. It’s worth it.


FME: What advice do you have for family members and friends who think or know that relatives they know are having these feelings for each other?

AB: Be accepting of them. Support them as if they are a regular couple. Don’t act differently towards them. Don’t tell other people; let them tell who they want to tell. If you aren’t sure about their feelings, let them know that if they were to feel that way, there is nothing wrong with that.


FME: Any plans for the future?

AB: After my sister finishes college, we plan to move somewhere where nobody knows us so we can live as a couple and start our family together.


FME: Anything else to add?

AB: I would just like to say thank you for the opportunity to my story anonymously and thank you for fighting for our rights. My sister and I will always love each other, and no person, law, or anything else will ever break us apart.

*****


Clearly, these lovers are consenting adults who aren't hurting anyone, practically married in every way except the law, and yet they can't even exercise their basic human right to marry, even though they are living as spouses. They are happy and in love, yet they are denied that fundamental right to marry. They can't even be open about their love!

Why should they be denied their rights? There’s no good reason.We need to recognize that all adults should be free to be with any and all consenting adults as they mutually consent, and part of doing that is adopting relationship rights for all, including full marriage equality sooner rather than later. People are being hurt because of a denial of their basic human rights to love each other freely.

You can read other interviews I have done here. As you'll see, there are people from all walks of life who are in consanguinamorous relationships.

If you are in a relationship like this and are looking for help or others you can talk with, read this.
If you want to be interviewed about your "forbidden" relationship, connect with me by checking under the "Get Connected" tab there at the top of the page or emailing me at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com.

If you are concerned about pregnancies between close relatives, read this.If you know someone who is in a relationship like this, please read this.

Thank you to Anonymous Brother and Sister for doing this interview! We wish you well in your consanguinamorous marriage and, should you enter it, parenthood. May the strength of your double bond grow.

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Cancer Death Rate Has Declined in the US

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Love Shouldn't Be a Crime

This is a "guest post" by Friend of FME, U.N. Owen. In concerns the case we covered previously in this posting. I will have some comments after the contributed commentary below.

*****

Steven and Katie Plaidl fell into a biological trap. And for that, the state of Virginia and the tabloid press is now busily destroying their lives.

The biological trap is called Genetic Sexual Attraction, or GSA. GSA happens to close relatives who are separated during a formative time in childhood and later reunited. It is a frequent problem in children who are given up for adoption and later seek out and reunite with their birth families.

People experiencing GSA fall madly in love with each other. They can't help it. It's like an addiction, with love as the drug.

Scientists speculate that GSA children and their families fail to develop the so-called "Westermarck effect," which normally prevents children and their other family members from being sexually attracted to each other. Without Westermarck, the attraction becomes literally irresistible.

It happened to Steven and Katie. Steven is Katie's biological father. He and his wife Alyssa gave Katie up for adoption as an infant, after Alyssa became pregnant in her teens.

At age 18, as an adult, Katie sought out her birth family and met Steven and Alyssa. When they met, they had no Westermarck. GSA kicked in full force. Steven and Katie liked each other, then loved each other, then became sexually intimate. Neither could help it. They were literally addicted to each other.

GSA destroyed Steven's family. It turned Alyssa and their 11-year-old daughter against him. In her diary, the daughter described her father as "Satan." Alyssa turned the couple in to the state of Virginia, which arrested and jailed them. Their case became the material of a mawkish media. Katie is still in jail.

Neither Katie nor Steven wanted or deserved what happened to them. They did not do any deliberate harm to anyone. In a very real sense, Steven and Katie are the victims of a biological misfire that they never could have anticipated. The State of Virginia needs to show them its compassion, rather than its hatred.

*****


Thanks for U.N. Owen for that.

Whatever was or wasn't going on with his marriage with Alyssa, no matter who is disgusted by the thought of genetic relatives getting together, Steven should not be prosecuted for consensual adult sex, nor should Katie. Nobody should have spent any time in jail over this. They are all adults. Their sex lives should not be a matter for law enforcement or the criminal courts. Their child should not be kept from them or taken away.

Thankfully, the vast majority of people who experience reunion GSA and have a consanguinamorous relationship as an adult are never criminally charged or even arrested as a result. Many of them are continuing to love each other, including some people who are near you as you read this. It's going on everywhere, and trying to stop consenting adults from being together is destructive and unjust.

This is another example of why we need full marriage equality. Let's make it happen sooner rather than later!

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Ignorance Hurts When it Comes to Consanguineous Impregnation

Sometimes, heterosexual consanguineous sex results in pregnancy. (I'm bumping up this entry from June 2011 because it is still relevant.)

Any pregnancy, especially first-time pregnancy, even if planned, can be a time of anxiety. But when someone suspects or knows that the their pregnancy is the result of sex with a close relative, the frequently repeated ignorance of the inevitability of the baby being deformed cause them extra concern. This is an addition to the concerns about prejudice against such families and unjust prosecution by law enforcement.

As an example, here’s a situation from someone posting at defunct Genetic Sexual Attraction forum…

I just found out that I am pregnant with my Half Brothers baby. We have the same Mother. So far we are not aware of any major health issues in the family. We are in a loving relationship with lots of support and very happy. This pregnancy was not at all planned and we are happy but very concerned. I am not looking for accusation or for people to tell me to abort. At this point I just need help on what kind of testing I need to get done to make sure everything is ok. should he and i get tested individually or just wait for the regular testing of the baby itself? any kind of information support advice help would be amazing.
thank you so much

ps. i am about 7 weeks along. I have a first ultra sound monday and the first dr appt tuesday. I live in the US would it be safe to tell the dr the situation to be sure that all the correct testing and precautions are taken?

There are several things to note. First of all, they are half-siblings. Considering that plenty of healthy children have been born to full siblings, that should lessen concerns. Secondly, they are not aware of any major health issues in the family. So things are looking good.

Looks like this child will be welcomed by a loving couple.

Brandi (a neonatal nurse)…

Firstly, congratulations! I hope you are feeling healthy. The ultrasound should be able to give you a general idea whether there are any deformities although it is still early, so hopefully as you progress you can get another ultrasound. It may also be possible to get an amniocentesis but I do not believe those are done until after the thirteenth week or so. The amnio would tell you whether there are any chromosomal abnormalities, and the sex of the baby, if you want to know that.

Later, she added…

I do not believe a doctor would report you if you told him about you and your brother. It may be the motivation he/she needs to be willing to do further testing. You can ask something like... "Off the record, if I were to tell you consanguinity is involved, would there be any repercussions..." I have never heard of anyone getting in trouble for that really.

Red.String.of.Fate…

I only know of one GSA couple, who had a baby.
They both got tested, to see if they have any genetic predispositions to abnormalities.
If they both would have shared the same genetic predisposition, there would have been a high chance of they're baby getting it, but still a chance it didn't. And after that they would have tested the baby.
But none of them had any, and the baby was born healthy.

I would seek legal counsel in cases like this to protect the family, seek progressive doctors, and always give them plausible deniability; if need be, move. See my advice here.

Pregnancy should be a happy time during which the mother is not given undue emotional concern. That happiness should not be denied to consanguinamorous parents.

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Solidarity is Needed to Advance Rights

While solidarity is needed for general relationship rights and full marriage equality, for this moment let's focus on the rights of consanguinamorous people to have their relationships and not be denied their freedom to marry. In many places, consanguinamorous people can be thrown in prison simply for having their relationships. Allies are essential to the cause of liberating the consanguinamorous.

In addition, though, there needs to be solidarity within the community.

What do I mean by that?

In my experience, when a consanguinamorous person seeks to connect with the community and be active within the community, and to work with journalists to raise awareness, it is more likely that they are someone who has experienced reunion GSA, rather than being someone who grew up with their partner(s).

If I had to guess why this is so, I think there are several factors at work. People who grew up with their partners, especially if their physical affection escalated gradually, usually "knew what they were getting into" and many have accepted that the discrimination, prejudices, taboos, and even criminalization were to be expected. Some have even embraced that, feeling like they are rebels or kinky. They take a certain thrill in being "naughty." Grew-up-with consanguinamorists might seek the community and advocacy if their initiation into consanguinamory comes well into adulthood as a sudden, and surprising, event, as that can be similar to reunion GSA situations in some ways.

In reunion GSA situations, in which the individuals didn't grow up together or weren't raised by one another, what is usually a sudden and overwhelming attraction usually takes them by complete surprise and the cruelty of prejudiced stigmas and discriminatory laws slaps them in the face with full force. I've found someone I love like nobody I've ever known before, we're passionate for each other and we belong together, why can't we be together like anybody else? Why can't we marry? That's what they're hit with. Until recently, they haven't socialized at all as family members. They almost never had time to contemplate growing feelings and affection and the discrimination against it, like the grew-up-with lovers usually did.

With the grew-up-with lovers, everyone around them has always known them in their familial roles. With the reunion lovers, the people around them might not even know they're related.

Most consanguinamorous people are outed, at least not beyond a few close family and friends. Some reunion GSA people can do little to avoid being outed.

I have been contacted by far more consanguinamorous people than ever join Kindred Spirits or some other gathering place for the community, but it seems like they're more likely to get involved in those places if their initiation into consanguinamory came as a later event in their life, especially if by a reunion.

In order to advance rights and equality, internal solidarity needs to increase. There are at least three things that could do that:

1) Reunion GSA consanguinamorists need to be willing to welcome and network with grew-up-with consanguinamorists, even if the people in the reunion relationships can't understand how someone could be in love with, or attracted to, or sexual with, someone with whom they grew up.

2) Those who grew up their partner(s) need to reach out and support the cause of equal rights, even if they prefer being closeted and do not want to marry. The same goes for people in reunion relationships who are "OK" with remaining closeted. Even if someone doesn't want something for themselves, we need to work together to ensure everyone has their rights.

3) Reunion relationships or not, consanguinamorists need to support and welcome each other regardless of whether the relationship is "lateral" (siblings, first cousins) or "vertical" (such as parents with their adult sons or daughters); hetero, gay, bi, polysexual, or pansexual; or asexual, monogamous, or ethically nonmonogamous.

All that should matter is that everyone involved is a consenting adult. There is no good reason consenting adults should be denied their basic rights.

You don't have to out yourself to network with and support others, nor to advocate equal rights or generally help the cause. Everyone is welcome at Kindred Spirits, for example, and you are encouraged to use a screen or user name. People who are steprelations (stepsiblings, for example) are welcome. Allies are welcome, too!

If you're thinking about connecting but are still hesitant, go ahead and reach out to me, Keith, via email at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com, or via Wire at fullmarriageequality.

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Infamous Abuse Cases Have Nothing to Do With Consanguinamory or Polyamory

TRIGGER WARNING: Abuse, domestic violence, sexual assault, child abuse, slavery, murder

Media sensationalism abounds when it comes to the horrific cases of severe abuse and even murder in cases labeled as "polygamy" and "incest." Any abuse of anyone, especially children, is unacceptable. Unfortunately, there's a "guilt by association" tactic that anti-equality forces tap into to try to smear the cause of full marriage equality, especially to deny rights to people who are ethically nonmonogamous and/or consanguinamorous. What has been presented in media reports about Warren Jeffs, Winston Blackmore, Josef Fritzl, Tim and June Colt, Marcus Wesson, the Alvarez incest case, the Sheffield incest case, the Moe incest case, and the Goler clan, has nothing to do with our cause and what this blog is about.

This blog is about the rights of adults, regardless of their gender, orientation, race, or religion, to share love, sex, residence, and marriage (and any of those things without the others) with any and all consenting adults, without prosecution, bullying or discrimination. It has nothing to do with child abuse, domestic violence, or holding anyone captive.

For every one of these horror stories of abuse, there are millions of healthy polyamorous and consanguinamorous relationships between consenting adults, who shouldn't be falsely lumped in with the abusers.

When children are rescued from being abused, especially for many years in isolation, many people assume, and reports are all too quick to insinuate, that whatever health problems the children are dealing with are because of consanguineous parentage. However, a lot of other factors contribute to problems children in those situations have.

Birth defects can be the result of injury during pregnancy, substances ingested during pregnancy, environmental factors, or genetic problems. It is the last one that people tend to be thinking of, usually, when they repeat this myth. That’s because when both genetic parents carry the same genetic problem, it may be demonstrated in the children.

It is important to note that most children born to consanguineous parents are healthy.

Let's look specifically at what was at Wikipedia about the Colt clan case.

The Colt family incest case, dubbed by media as the Colt incest clan, is an Australian family discovered in 2012 to have been engaging in four generations of incest beginning with "Tim and June Colt," a brother and sister who emigrated from New Zealand in the 1970s.^[1] The family grew to nearly 40 members ranging from grandparents to mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, aunts, uncles, nephews, brothers and sisters all engaging in various forms of incest. Many of the children suffered from deformities and medical problems.

They all lived on a farm.

The police ultimately discovered nearly 40 members of the family living under squalid conditions in tents and shacks.^[6]

Squalid conditions, physical abuse, malnutrition, and lack of care, including dental, general medical care, etc. can all deformities and other medical problems.

It is terrible what the children endured.

Children and adults had regularly engaged in sexual activities, resulting in children, some with genetic deformities. They had no access to running water, showers, toilets or hygiene products. Most of the children had fungal infections.

Horrific. The children were apparently abused in so many ways. Also of note that after four generations, "some" of the children (not all) had genetic deformities.

It is more likely that horror cases like these will be prevented if ethical nonmonogamy, including polyamory and polygamy, and consanguinamory (again, between consenting adults) is decriminalized and given protection under full marriage equality. There are multiple reasons why, including victims and witnesses of abuse being more likely to cooperate with law enforcement if their consensual relationships aren't criminalized, and people being able to come out of the shadows and seek professional services such as medical care without being turned over to law enforcement for their consensual relationships. It is easier to people that consent matters when consent is treated consistently. It is far easier for people to recognize abuse when consensual relationships aren't lumped in with it in laws or stigmas.

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Why do parents make the decision to let their teen drink? Is underage drinking 'inevitable' and will providing it be 'protective'?

I've written many times about why parents make the decision to let their teen drink. At a time when we know so much more about the risks associated with teenage drinking and the message we keep sending is 'delay, delay, delay', it is surprising that so many parents buckle and allow their child to drink, sometimes at a very young age. Now, if you believe providing alcohol to your child is the 'right thing to do' - that is your decision and no-one has the right to tell you to do otherwise ... but if you do not feel comfortable with doing this, then 'stick to your guns'! From what I see, the major reason for this behaviour, particularly from those parents who swore till they were blue in the face that they would never do it, is parental peer pressure, i.e., the belief that they're the only ones saying 'no'!

A few weeks ago I gave a presentation at a Parent Information Evening that was piggy-backed onto an Information Night for Year 10 parents. We had a huge turnout and there were many parents who wanted to speak to me afterwards, mostly about their concerns around parties and alcohol. At one point I was speaking to a mother who was trying to cope with a very forceful daughter who wanted to take alcohol to parties. She asked for my advice and I simply turned the question around and said "Do you feel comfortable giving alcohol to your 15-year-old daughter to take to a party?" There was an immediate and very strong "Absolutely not!" in reply. She then quickly added "But I'm the only one who feels like that, all the other parents allow it ..."

Luckily, there was a line of other Mums and Dads behind her and I asked them whether there was one of them who allowed their son or daughter to take alcohol to a party (remember they were all parents from the same year group). Not one of them said that they did ... There were at least 10 parents in the group and when I suggested they talk and support each other in this area their response was priceless. Almost in unison they turned around and said "But we're the only ones, everyone else does!" Really? Even if every other parent in the year did provide alcohol (which I highly doubt!), there were at least 10 of them that didn't ... couldn't they use that to their advantage?

But what does the research say? Why do parents let their teens drink? I recently came across a US qualitative study that attempted to tease out some of those reasons (Friese et al, 2012). It attempted to try to find out under what circumstances parents allowed their teen to drink at home, so it's important to note that this is not about providing alcohol for parties. None of the findings are particularly surprising but what was really interesting was that two-thirds of those interviewed (69%) indicated that they did not think it was a good idea to allow their teen to drink at home, with their initial response being that they did not condone underage drinking. However, during the interview it became obvious that they all had exceptions!

So what were those exceptions? These are the reasons that Friese and her colleagues identified:

• drinking on special occasions - this included family celebrations such as weddings, birthdays, holidays and family vacations. Parents said that they felt "more comfortable allowing their teenager to drink when their family was around them". Holidays such as Christmas and New Year were also identified as times when teens were allowed to drink. An interesting one was family vacation, with parents allowing drinking in locations where it was more accepted, such as Europe. Teen's safety and the parents' ability to monitor their child were identified by the researchers as the reason parents allowed drinking at these times
• teaching drinking practices - this is an 'oldie but a goodie'! The idea that letting them drink with you will teach teens how to drink responsibly, including how to drink in moderation and how to appreciate certain types of alcohol. This is also linked to the idea of 'demystifying' alcohol - removing the 'forbidden fruit'
• drinking to preserve traditions - in this US study, this was identified in parents of Latin American or European backgrounds. These referenced their childhoods and the drinking culture in their family, with some believing that it had influenced their behaviour and taught them to drink more responsibly
• parents feeling pressure to let their teens drink - some identified situations where another adult offered their child alcohol without their consent or simply felt pressure to let them drink. Some of these parents identified their partners as overruling them in this area, or other family members offering alcohol to their child at family celebrations. Having older teens was also seen as making withholding alcohol from younger children more difficult
• parents' belief that underage drinking is inevitable - more than half of those interviewed held this view - it was simply going to happen and there was nothing a parent could do about it!
• fear of harming their relationship with their teen - others feared that being too strict in this area could have negative consequences. One parent compared alcohol to the 'sex issue' saying "If you put in a rule that's really firm, it's not realistic." She stressed that the best she could hope for was that her son would use good judgment if he drank
• harm reduction - once again, roughly half of the parents saw drinking as inevitable and wanted to offer advice and approaches on how to stay as safe as possible. Creating a safe place for open discussion appeared to be important to parents

As already said, there really aren't too many surprises here - most of the parents I speak to who have let their teen drink would usually identify one or more of these as the reason for their decision. All of these are valid and, as a parent, if you choose to let your teen drink alcohol, no-one has the right to tell you to do otherwise. Recent research, however, challenges some of the basic ideas behind some of these:

• underage drinking is not inevitable - the latest statistics show that we have more non-drinkers amongst our school-based young people than we have seen since national data started to be collected. Growing numbers of young people have never consumed alcohol (rising from one in 10 in 1999 to one in three in 2014). The old chestnut of 'everyone will do it' is simply not true. Of course, lots of them will experiment and many will end up drinking regularly but let's not forget those that don't, won't and never have! When parents throw their hands up and give in, instead of supporting those young people who are making the tough decisions, they really are letting their child down ...
• giving them alcohol will not necessarily teach them to drink responsibly and is not 'protective'. A longitudinal study from UNSW released in January (Mattick et al, 2018) followed 2000 children and parents over a 6-year period through their adolescence and found that as far as parental supply of alcohol was concerned, there was "no evidence of any benefit or protective effect, either directly … or indirectly". It didn't protect from problems in the future, instead, providing alcohol to children was "associated with subsequent binge drinking, alcohol-related harm(s) and symptoms of alcohol use disorder". Most importantly, the idea that when you give teens alcohol "you'll know how much they're drinking" was also found to be false. The research found that parental supply "is associated with increased risk of other supply, not the reverse", i.e., if you give them alcohol, they're more likely to go and find more!

I'm sure that some people believe that I am some sort of wowser and that I'm 'anti-alcohol' - I'm really not, I really couldn't care what adults do in terms of drinking. It's a legal product and you can do what you want, as long as you don't hurt anyone else ... Why I try to challenge parental beliefs in this area is that I meet an extraordinary number of school-based young people that have had the most terrible things happen to them when they have gone out on a Saturday night and messed around with a product that they simply don't have the maturity or brain development to deal with. Senseless violence, sexual assaults, horrific accidents and falls, and children as young as 13 being placed on life-support because they've stopped breathing after drinking so much are just some of the things I have seen ... I challenge anyone to not change their views about the provision of alcohol to teens after speaking to a 15-year-old girl tell you that she was sexually assaulted when drunk, usually after her parents gave her a couple of drinks to take to a party or she went to an event where alcohol was permitted or tolerated ... I can tell you, it's a devastating experience!

You have to make the decision about what you do around the provision of alcohol to your child. Make sure that whatever you do it is based on the best information possible. Underage drinking is not inevitable - far from it - and research has found that it's not protective and does not necessarily teach them how to drink responsibly in the future! And remember, no matter what your child says, you're not the only one who makes the decisions you do!

Reference

Friese, B., Grube, J., Moore, R., & Jennings, V. (2012). Parents' rules about underage drinking: A qualitative study of why parents let teens drink.Journal of Drug Education 42, 379-391.

Mattick, R. P., Clare, P. J., Aiken, A., Wadolowski, M., Hutchinson, D., Najman, J., Slade, T., Bruno, R., McBride, N., Kypri, K., Vogl, L., & Degenhardt, L. (2018). Association of parental supply of alcohol with adolescent drinking, alcohol-related harms, and alcohol use disorder symptoms: a prospective cohort study. Lancet, published Online January 25, 2018 http://ift.tt/1aeEb18 S2468-2667(17)30240-2.

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Aunts and Nephews

More days than not, someone finds this blog by doing a search on something like...

incest, aunt nephew, how common
or
Is it incest to have sex with your aunt
or
Do aunts and nephews have sex
or
I’m in love with my aunt
or
Can an aunt marry her nephew

You get the idea. People are searching for information on aunts and nephews having a romantic or erotic connection or marrying. At least some of them are very likely to be aunts who are having sex or want to have sex with a nephew and vice-versa. It is a not-so-distant runner-up to searches about siblings having sex or marrying. Keep in mind that much of this entry also applies to aunts and nieces, and to uncles and nieces and uncles and nephews.



Around these parts, an “aunt” can be:

• A mother’s or father’s or grandmother’s or grandfather’s  sister
• A wife or partner or girlfriend of a mother or father’s sibling.
• A cousin once-removed or of some other degree who is old enough to be from the an older generation
• A family friend or friend of a mother or father

In the last category, it is an informal and honorary title.

Note that if a woman is an aunt because she is a sibling to your stepparent or a stepgrandparent, there’s likely no close genetic relation, and the same is likely the case if adoption was somehow involved, meaning your parent and your aunt are adopted siblings to each other. An “aunt” who is actually a cousin of some sort is likely distant enough to legally marry or to have sex with without threats of interference from law enforcement.

And, of course, if someone is an aunt by partnering with or marrying your blood relative, then she likely isn’t a close genetic relative.

Regardless of distance of genetic relation, an aunt and nephew getting together may be considered incestuous in the social sense and, depending on where you are, in the criminal sense as well. The concerns people have about adult intergenerational relationships may also come into play. If you’re at all familiar with this blog, you have seen that we think such stigmas and laws should be done away with.

However, there’s still the concern of cheating. If she is your aunt because she is in a relationship with your uncle or aunt, do they have a negotiated polyamorous relationship? Or if she is your genetic relation and she is partnered, is their relationship polyamorous or not? The same concerns apply to whatever relationship the nephew may be in.

I suppose there are many reasons why this is such a popular search, or, in other words, why aunts are interested in their nephews and nephews are interested in their aunts, in addition to what makes consanguinamory in general appealing to some people. It doesn’t seem to be as taboo as siblings getting together or an adult child and their parent, and perhaps an aunt is almost a maternal or sibling surrogate. As always, I’m talking about adults, or minors close in age to each other. Not all aunts are much older than their nephews. Some are about the same age or even younger. When an aunt is a sibling to a parent.I suppose consanguinamory is more common if the aunt is a parent’s younger sister rather than an older one, simply because that places the aunt closer in age to the nephew. Aunts often provide reassurance, support, love, guidance, and are more likely to flirt with their nephews without the same social disapproval as would be more common if the flirtations came from a parent. So an aunt can play somewhat of a maternal or big-sister role but without the disciplinarian or rivalry aspect. An aunt can take her nephew out for the day without raising concerns. They can be fun!

As for nephews, when an aunt is the father’s sister, a nephew may remind her of good times she had with his father, or wish she’d had.

It is possible that some of the people doing such searches are parents or other family members who either know or suspect something is going on between an aunt and nephew, and if so, they should definitely read this.

It is also of note that if a nephew reached puberty without the aunt being much of a presence in his life before then due, perhaps, to living out of town, then the factors involved in Genetic Sexual Attraction could very well be in play.

Finally, if you’re an aunt or nephew (or uncle or niece) who has some experience of this short (or would like to), you are encouraged to write an email to fullmarriageequality at yahoo dot com.

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