Could one try of cannabis have affected my school grades?

Having read your answer to "can smoking weed once have a lasting effect" I was wondering how obvious, after having smoked once, any negative long-term effects would be. If I can't say for certain that there are long- term effects does that mean that there aren't any or just that they are too subtle to perceive? Basically, I smoked cannabis once and since then I have noticed school grades going down (like from 100s to 95s), is this probably just in my head?

Some people who experiment with an illegal drug, whether it be cannabis, ecstasy or whatever, do not necessarily have the experience they were expecting. As a result, many will choose never to use the drug again. In some cases, particularly if their experience was unpleasant, people are tempted to 'over-analyse' what happened and start to stress about what impact the drug had on them and could potentially have on them in the future.

Realistically, the most likely negative effect of smoking cannabis just once is having an accident when intoxicated or making a fool of yourself in front of your friends. Some people who have used only once, but perhaps smoked too much or unknowingly used a high THC product, may have extremely unpleasant effects. They could feel faint as the drug causes a drop in blood pressure, become paranoid, anxious or nauseous. In extreme cases, some first time users may even vomit. In these cases, it becomes obvious to the person experimenting with cannabis that it is not a 'harmless' drug (i.e., things can go wrong) and, as a result, they'll choose to never use the drug again.

You ask specifically about long-term effects that are "too subtle to perceive" and highlight how your experience could have affected your school grades. Could that 'one try' have resulted in an effect on your school performance? Most probably not ...

You have obviously been performing at an extremely high level and any drop, no matter how small, is noticeable but this change has much more likely explanations. Focus on the reason you decided to smoke cannabis in the first place and whether it was associated with other new activities or challenges that were happening around the time you decided to experiment. It could be one of these, or even a combination of all of them, that could explain the slight change in school marks.

You are obviously concerned about your grades and that is the first step to maintaining or even improving them. You might like to talk with your school counsellor about anything else that might be concerning you and causing you to worry about your once-only cannabis use.

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"Does my drinking affect how my child drinks? Should we stop drinking or not drink around them?"

One of the talks that I have written to deliver at Information Evenings this year attempts to answer the five top questions I get asked by parents about alcohol based on the most recent research findings. The talk will cover questions about the provision of a 'sip of alcohol', whether allowing a child to drink at a wedding or a NYE celebration is appropriate and the latest information on alcohol and the teen brain. One query that regularly comes up is about the impact, both positive and negative, parental drinking has on a child. Some of the questions I get asked in this area include the following:

·      "Should I stop drinking around my child? Am I sending the wrong message when I drink alcohol?"

·       "We always take a bottle of wine out with us when we go out for dinner. What message is that sending to our kids?"

·       "We don't drink a lot, mainly with meals … is our daughter learning anything positive from that?"

Firstly, most parents start thinking about this issue far too late … From the moment they are born children are learning by watching the world around them and by the time they are toddlers, they will be constantly asking questions. Parents are their children's first and most important teacher. Every word and action, even at a very early age, will help shape their ideas in all sorts of areas, including alcohol. To start worrying about drinking in front of them when they hit their teens is most probably a bit of waste of time – they've picked up an awful lot of information already!

More importantly, why should you stop drinking in front of them? You're an adult and, as long as you're not hurting anyone else, you can do what you wish. If alcohol is a part of your life, trying to hide that from your child makes little sense. It's a legal product and it plays a significant role in many Australians' lives. As already said, your child learns so much from you, both positive and negative. If you and your partner drink responsibly, your child is likely to learn something from that. Of course, if you drink to excess or regularly come home drunk from social events, that is a completely different story. If you have reached a point in your life when you want to stop drinking and it just so happens to coincide with your child entering their teens – fantastic, go for it! But if you still enjoy a drink and you don't want to stop, it makes little sense …

So, what does the research about the impact of parental drinking on their children is? Well, the good news is that as far as light to moderate drinking is concerned, Mahedy and colleagues found that there is "no support for an association between parental alcohol use during childhood and conduct and emotional problems during childhood or adolescence". In terms of major behavioural issues, if you drink in moderation, your child is not going to be affected. As far as impact of your drinking on your child's future drinking is concerned, however, the evidence is not so positive. A 2016 review of the literature by Rossow and others found the following:

"Almost all prospective studies on this topic have found that parental drinking predicts drinking behaviour in their children; that is, when one or both parents drink more, their offspring are more likely to report more drinking or more alcohol-related problems later on than others …"

Essentially, the more parents drink, the more the child will drink and the more problems they'll have with their drinking in the future. Although the authors of this study said that this could be due to other factors such as where you live, cultural or religious factors or even genetics, it's pretty clear that your attitudes and values around alcohol are going to have an impact on how your child views the issue, as well as their drinking behaviour. Interestingly, studies have found that the impact of parental drinking could be mediated by specific parenting practices, such as parental monitoring, (i.e., knowing where your child is, knowing who they're with and when they'll be home) and discipline. Talking about alcohol with your child also had a positive impact. These strategies had the greatest impact in early adolescence, with the impact being greater at 14 than when they were older. So what this essentially means is that if you're worried that your child could have picked up some potentially negative attitudes around alcohol from you, putting some basic parenting strategies into place in their early teens could reduce the risk of problems developing in the future.

A 2013 study examined parental alcohol role modelling and its impact on binge drinking and found that the " … most important factors in the alcohol socialization process are parental alcohol behaviour. Alcohol habits with a high frequency but low intake per occasion seem to be transmitted to offspring in the same manner as binge drinking, and these drinking practices followed our respondents into adulthood." Children were continuing to pick up their parents' drinking behaviours during their teens, but most disturbingly, these were being taken into adulthood.

So, the evidence is pretty clear that you do have a major influence on your child's future drinking behaviour and you should never underestimate that influence, even during the teen years. You may not think your teenager cares about what you do or say during adolescence, but research shows that even though peers are becoming much more important, you will always play an important role in your child's life.

With that in mind, here are some of the simple things you can do to be a positive role model around alcohol and socializing are as follows: 

·      limit your alcohol use whenever you can. It's not necessarily about stopping drinking but 'get smart' in this area and always remember, children don't only pick-up bad habits from watching you and others, they can also learn a lot from observing 'responsible drinking'

·       do not get drunk, especially in front of your children

·       sometimes decline the offer of alcohol. This is a great one and can involve just quietly putting your hand over the top of a glass at a family 'get-together' or the like and saying "I'm not drinking tonight." Don't try to make it a grand gesture ("Look at me, look at what I'm doing!") - it needs to come naturally and not look like you're making a supreme sacrifice (you're not curing cancer!). But when your child sees this refusal of a drink in a social situation (and let's make it clear, it does not count if you're the designated driver'!) they get the message that you don't always need alcohol to socialize - so simple, yet so powerful!

·       provide food and non-alcoholic beverages if making alcohol available to guests. Always try to associate alcohol with food when you can. Not only does eating slow down absorption of alcohol, helping to prevent poisoning and the like, it also sends the message to young people that drinking should not be an isolated activity

·       organise events with family or friends where alcohol is not available. This is a great one, particularly for parents of younger children, but it needs to be said it can be difficult to do, with many parents telling me that if they say 'no alcohol', people often refuse to attend! Scary but true!

·      never drink and drive 

·       do not portray alcohol as a good way to deal with stress. This can be the most difficult one for many parents to try to do but it is so important. The one thing that almost all parents want is that if their child is going to drink alcohol, that they do it for the 'right' reasons. Drinking to 'cope' or de-stress is not healthy. Flopping down in front of the TV on a Friday night after a big week and saying "I need a glass of wine" is not good modelling. Of course, sometimes it's just going to happen - you're not perfect - but if you can avoid it, that's great. At the same time, try to use healthy ways to cope with stress without alcohol, e.g., exercise, listening to music, or talking things over

Remember, as already said, you are your child's first and most important teacher. They learn from watching you and others around them from a very early age. You're not going to get it right all of the time but doing a couple of simple things can really lay down some great foundations for the future ...

References

Mahedy, L., Hammerton, G., Teyhan, A., Edwards, A.C., Kendler, K.S., Moore, S.C., Hickman, M., Macleod, J., & Heron, J. (2017). Parental alcohol use and risk of behavioral and emotional problems in offspring. PLoS ONE 12(6): e0178862.

Pedersen, W. & von Soest, T. (2013). Socialization to binge drinking: A population-based, longitudinal study with emphasis on parental influences. Drug and Alcohol Dependence 133, 587-592.

Rossow, R. Keating, P., Lambert, F., & McCambridge, J. (2016). Does parental drinking influence children’s drinking? A systematic review of prospective cohort studies. Addiction 111, 204–217.

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Journalist Seeking GSA Couples

A journalist is looking for GSA couples. Here is what she requested I pass along...

Hi There,

My name is Candice and I write for the national magazines and newspapers, such as Take A Break, Chat, Daily Mirror, That's Life and New to name a few here in the UK.

I wondered if would be interested in speaking to me and sharing your story about genetic sexual attraction, whether it is something you have experienced or if you are in a relationship right now?

We love doing these types of stories and showing society that we should celebrate love, no matter what!

I'd like to reassure you that I'd never publish your story without your permission and you would receive a full read back to ensure you were completely happy with how it sounded. I am more than willing to work around you and your concerns.

You would have to be pictured for the article, and first names used. It would just be for UK mags so it wont be online or on any news outlets, the you is actually extremely slim. You will also be paid a fee by the magazine.

If you are interested, please email me on candice@hotspotmedia.co.uk.


Best wishes,

Candice

Emphasis mine.

On the positive side, she promises not to publish without your approval. On the negative side is having to be pictured for the article, which would more or less mean coming out. While people experiencing GSA need more visibility, the catch-22 is that coming out can be very risky. It's a decision that nobody else should make for you.

Journalists who want to make similar requests through this blog should read this.

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ACTION REQUIRED TODAY!

From a message that came into my inbox a short bit ago...

As you may be aware [consanguinamory] is currently illegal in Canada, and punishable by imprisonment for a term of up to 14 years, as well as being placed on the National Sex Offenders Registry for the duration of one's natural lifetime.

Section 155 of the Criminal Code of Canada defines the crime of incest as "Every one commits incest who, knowing that another person is by blood relationship his or her parent, child, brother, sister, grandparent or grandchild, as the case may be, has sexual intercourse with that person." Again, this applies even to where incest is between fully consenting adults.

The Government of Canada is undertaking a broad examination of Canada’s criminal justice system to ensure that it is just, compassionate and fair, and promotes a safe, peaceful and prosperous Canadian society - and to that end it is inviting Canadians to submit any proposals which they may have concerning reform of the criminal justice system.

I would strongly encourage you to submit your own proposal detailing why you may believe that Section 155 of the Criminal Code of Canada should be repealed.

While I know that you are not Canadian - this opportunity for public input would not appear to exclude non-Canadian citizens and/or residents. You have made some very insightful and thought provoking arguments on your blog concerning the reasons why you believe that incest between fully consenting adults should be decriminalized. I believe that a rare opportunity exists here for you to make your detailed case to the Canadian Department of Justice.

I have taken the liberty of providing a link to the Canadian Department of Justice’s criminal justice system reform proposal website in the text below. You may email them directly with your proposal if you wish to do so. Apparently, sending them a detailed email is the most effective medium.

Unfortunately, TODAY (January 31, 2018) is the very last day for the public to submit their suggestions - and we only have until MIDNIGHT to do so.

Email: CJSR_RSJP@justice.gc.ca

Website: https://www.tcjs-tsjp.ca/en/?utm_source=justiceindexEN&utm_medium=web&utm_campaign=tcjs

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An Open Letter to Legislators

This letter is focused on legislators in the US, but may be adaptable to legislators and legislatures in other countries. In the United States, most "sex police" laws and laws applying to marriage, civil unions, and domestic partnerships are set at the state level, by state legislatures. For example, the laws in New Jersey are different from the laws in New York, Texas, Florida, and California. There are some laws set by Congress that apply to indigenous peoples living on "reservations," to US territories, and to military personnel. Whether you're a Senator, Representative, Assemblymember, or some other legislator, this letter is for you.


Dear Legislator:

There may be laws on the books in your jurisdiction that need to be cleaned up or removed. The basic freedom of association that allows consenting adults to love each other how they mutually agree has been restricted by various unjust and unconstitutional laws throughout history. Although some of these restrictions have been removed by the Supreme Court of the United States, even those may still remain in your state codes or statutes due to legislative inertia or as mean-spirit statements or even in the hopes of a reversal by a subsequent Court ruling. It is clear that momentum is on the side of civil rights and has been for a long time. We must move forward in securing the rights of all adults.


It would be wonderful if your state constitution could be amended with the following:

The right to marry or to personal consortium shall not be abridged or denied by this state on account of sex, gender, sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, ancestry, consanguinity, affinity, or number of participants.

We understand that a constitutional amendment may not be possible given current political situations. If that is the case in your jurisdiction, please introduce and support legislation that will be adopted that will repeal or override any past statutes that are remnants of discrimination and denial of rights. There should be no laws left on the books in your jurisdiction that criminalize or discriminate against any of the following:

• autoeroticism or masturbation
• interracial affection, sex, relationships, cohabitation, or marriages
• same-sex and same-gender affection, sex, relationships, cohabitation, or marriages
• nonmonogamous affection, sex, relationships, cohabitation, or marriages
• open relationships and open marriages
• consanguineous affection, sex, relationships, cohabitation, or marriages
• asexual or aromantic relationships, cohabitation, and marriages
• casual sex between two or more consenting adults 
• BDSM between consenting adults
• selling, buying, giving, owning, or using adult/sex toys, devices, aids
• observing, with their consent, consenting adults engaging in affection, sex, or BDSM 
• creating, possessing, or viewing photographic and video recordings of consenting adults nude or in sexual or autoerotic situations
• unmarried cohabitation, whether temporary or permanent, between two or more consenting adults
• marriage, civil unions, or domestic partnerships between two or more consenting adults
• physical affection, "sodomy," or sexual acts between two or more consenting adults
• sex therapy
  

***TRIGGER WARNING FOR SA***

It might also be a good to include in such legislation:

• prohibitions on "conversion" therapy
• prohibitions on "revenge porn" and nonconensual recording
• criminalization/increasing  penalties for stalking, sexual harassment, and sexual assault
• clarifications that date rape and marital rape are rape

There common element in all of these is consent as opposed to nonconsent.

Doing this is the right thing to do. Nobody should be criminalized or discriminated against for sharing love, sex, residence, or marriage, or any of those things without the others.

Even though there is no good reason to keep such laws, there will still be opposition to cleaning up the books. A simple and effective way for a legislator to respond to opposition is to say something along the lines of:

"Law enforcement resources should not be wasted in pointless attempts to keep consenting adults from loving each other how they mutually agree."

It's that simple.


Please, dear legislator, do the right thing and stand up for basic human rights and treating all adults as equal under the law.

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NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Consanguineous) Love #19

“There are so many people outside of your family. Go marry/have sex with one of them, instead. It creates friendships between families.” There are plenty of people within one’s own race, too, but that is no reason to ban interracial marriage. I have many friends outside of my family to whom I’m neither married nor married to a relative of theirs. On the other hand, don't we all know unrelated married couples who actually drive their relatives apart from each other? Let adults marry the consenting adult(s) of her or his choice.

Telling someone who is happy with their lover that they should dump that person (or even be prosecuted for being with that person) and should be denied their right to marry because there is someone else they can be with instead is an arrogant and usually, very much a cruel intrusion into someone else's life. How would the person who says this like it if someone told them they had to drop their lover (if they have one) and go find someone else, even though they are consenting adults who want to be together and are happy together?

There are people in consanguinamorous relationships who could never find as much love and happiness with someone else, and trying to force them to do so isn't fair to anyone, including the person for whom they "settle." There are people who are consanguinamorous in their orientation.

There is no good reason to deny an adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race or religion, the right to share love, sex, residence, and marriage (and any of those without the others) with any and all consenting adults without prosecution, bullying, or discrimination.

Feel free to share, copy and paste, and otherwise distribute. This has been adapted from this page at Full Marriage Equality: http://marriage-equality.blogspot.com/p/discredited-invalid-arguments.html

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Consanguineous) Love #18

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Consanguineous) Love #20

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Cousins Changing States

This was left as a comment and it is a very important question for those of us in the US.

Can anyone offer insight on the case of 1st cousins who marry where it is legal and later move to a state where it is not. It would seem that the full faith and credit clause of the constitution would offer them protection. 

Article. IV. - Section. 1.
Full Faith and Credit shall be given in each State to the public Acts, Records, and judicial Proceedings of every other State. And the Congress may by general Laws prescribe the Manner in which such Acts, Records and Proceedings shall be proved, and the Effect thereof.

From what we've seen from family law attorneys online, you appear to be correct, at least with certain states. I do want to remind you that I am not a lawyer or attorney, and I recommend checking with a family law attorney in the state to which you plan to move or have moved.

There is a chart on Wikipedia that indicates that some states will not recognize any first cousin marriages from other states, while some others will not recognize them if they are that state's residents who went to another state to get married. It seems to me this has to be unconstitutional based on many precedents.

It is important to note that a handful of US states criminalize sex between (unmarried) first cousins, and yes, people have been recently prosecuted. But it appears as though if you were legally married in one state (which can include "common law marriage" after living together a certain number of years) and move to one of those criminalizing states, you'd be OK.

There is an organization called Cousin Couples that could have answers.

Anyone with personal experience in these matters or who has practiced family law is encourages to leave a comment.

Cousins, and any other consenting adults, should be free to be together, married or not, without fear of prosecution, bullying, or discrimination. This is why the US and every country needs full marriage equality and relationship rights for all adults.

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Polygamy and Public Assistance

I'm including a submission from a polygynist friend of FME. The following reflects his thoughts. I will make a brief comment at the end.

*****

Q: I would like more explanation of what the polygamist mindset is like, because to mono people it is so hard to understand. For example. As a mono person all I can imagine is that there is one guy who is fathering 20 or more children and the state ends up providing everything for the family because they can't manage on their own. I don't think that it is right for the state or taxpayers to have to take care of all the children that are born into these families. These so called families are just lazy and want a free ride from the rest of us.

A: That is a very good question. And I am so glad that you brought that up. The fact of the matter is that it is really easy to think that one man is going to have so many children and not be able to take care of them. In today's society we hear a lot about unwed mothers who have a lot of children in order to collect state benefits. But the truth is that polygamists believe in families. Polygamists are family oriented and not oriented toward the single lifestyle. Due to that fact and the fact that polygamy is illegal, most polygamists have learned to be self sufficient and rely on themselves for their needs. Just look at the TV show "Sister Wives." The husband and some of the wives have real jobs that they go to. But they also started their very own business. It is called My Sister Wife's Closet. I know of polygamist families that have started their own restaurants. One of which is centered around polygamy so that people can take a trip and experience what its like in that community. 

As for myself, I have done so many things to ensure that my children and way of life is preserved. I bought my own home and land. I own it completely. I don't pay a mortgage or anything else. I even buy my cars outright. So by buying my own property, homes, vehicles and everything else, I am not in debt. Everything that I bring in is free and clear. Most people today are living paycheck to paycheck and can barely afford the rent or mortgage that they have. I don't have that problem. Also, what is great about owning land is that I can always grow the food that I need for my family. We produce so much food that we give food away to others in need.

I always knew that I wanted to have a big family. Because of that, I took the time to think about my life and what I needed to do to provide for them. I can't speak for all polygamists, but for the ones that I do know, they all understand that in order to have big families that they will need to work hard and do whatever they need to do to ensure that their families succeed in life.

The fact is that there are many people out there in the world that do try and take advantage of the system and get what they can from it. But most polygamists aren't that way and will do whatever they need to in order to survive so they don't bring more attention to them then they already have. But in the end, if there are people who need a helping hand in life because they have fallen on hard times, then what's the problem with us being good neighbors and helping them to the best of our abilities?

Let me ask you something. Have you ever thought about what a man has to do in order for a woman to want to marry him? The man has to show the woman that he can provide for her and the family. And have you ever thought about what a woman has to do in order to choose a man to marry? She has to think long and hard about whether or not the man can provide for her. What woman would want to marry a man that was a bum? Not many, I can tell you that. Now imagine what it's like for one man to show four women that he can provide for them. 

But in the end, the men and the women understand that they all need to provide for their families, not just the man. What I mean is that the women understand that they need to take an active part in doing what is needed for their family to survive, also. I know some wives work, not because the man doesn't make enough money but because they want to take some of the burden away from the man so that they can all have more quality time together. No wife and children would be happy if the husband and father was never home because he was gone all the time working. I know of polygamist families where the man had lost his job and the wives had to go to work because the man couldn't find work. The whole family pitches in. That's what love is all about. 

The polygamist family works as a team to ensure that the needs of the family are met. No matter what the needs are or what they have to do.

*****


People are increasingly realizing the advantages of determining their own roles and making mutual agreements with their partner(s) rather than trying to conform to "traditional" gender roles and hetero-monogamist constructs to which they're not suited. There will always be some families that are polygynist and in which the husband will be the highest earner. But there are many other families where this is not the case, and families in which the adults are all men or all women, or with multiple men and one woman, or multiple men and multiple women. They can determine for themselves who will earn income and who will be with the children when. Some of them will have home-based businesses.

What is the current system in the US when it comes to welfare benefits? A polygynist man can only have one lawful wife. So, he's legally married to none or just one of his wives. In the US, if a mother isn't legally married, she is more likely to qualify for public assistance. Allowing all adults to marry any and all consenting adults would make it more likely these women would be legally married, making it less likely they will qualify for public assistance. It seems to me that the argument asking "Aren't polygamists a drain on public assistance?" is actually an argument for legalization of polyamorist or polygamist or plural marriage.

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What effect does alcohol have on antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications?

Hi Paul, you recently talked at my school about the effects of alcohol and how long it takes to get out of your system. I was wondering what are the effects of alcohol on antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications? Does using these types of medication cause alcohol to stay in your system any longer and do they amplify the effects of alcohol?

Anti-anxiety and antidepressant medications should only be taken when prescribed by a doctor. Using either medication on their own can cause a range of problems including, in extreme situations, death by overdose. When you drink alcohol at the same time this dramatically increases the risk of something going wrong.

Anti-anxiety and anti-depressant medications do not cause alcohol to stay in your system any longer. Understanding the interaction between the types of medications and alcohol is important.

Anti-anxiety and anti-depressant medications affect the body in different ways.

The most commonly prescribed anti-anxiety medications in Australia are benzodiazepines (also known as minor tranquillisers or 'benzos') and are classified as 'depressants' (i.e., drugs that 'slow down' the central nervous system). Examples include diazepam, temazepam, nitrazepam and oxazepam. These are prescribed to help people with anxiety or sleep problems. The effects may last from a few hours to 12 hours or even longer, depending on the dose and type of drug taken. Using benzodiazepines at the same time as other depressants - such as alcohol, GHB, heroin and methadone - is extremely dangerous. It can cause loss of consciousness, breathing problems, coma and death.

The situation with anti-depressant medications and alcohol is more complex due to the availability of different types of anti-depressants. Drinking alcohol while taking these medications, however, is generally not advised. Even in small amounts, alcohol can affect concentration and coordination, cause drowsiness and dizziness and lead to injuries and road traffic accidents. It is also important to note that drinking alcohol and taking anti-depressants at the same time can also make depression worse.

Combining alcohol with monoamine-oxidase inhibitor (MAOI) anti-depressants is especially risky. This is because a substance called tyramine, often found in alcoholic drinks, can cause serious side-effects if taken with MAOIs, including a sudden and dangerous rise in blood pressure.  Speak to your GP or pharmacist if you're not sure what type of anti-depressant you're taking and don't know whether you should avoid alcohol.

It is always a good idea to ask your GP or pharmacist about how alcohol interacts with prescribed and over the counter medications. If the doctor has known you for a long time, they may not even think about the possibility of you drinking and prescribe you something that could be particularly risky. If you want to continue to drink and need to take medication, your GP may be able to find a safer alternative.

There are some people who try to push the boundaries to see what will happen if they intentionally combine medications with alcohol or, as you say in your question, to 'amplify the effects of alcohol'. This is extremely dangerous. There is no effective advice that can be provided to reduce risks other than 'please don't do it'.

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