How to Pull Off Living With Your Consanguinamorous Partner(s)

So you're in a consanguinamorous relationship and having the time of your life, or you're considering it, and you want to know about the possibilities and how-to when it comes to living with your lover. Some of you will want separate residences but most of you want to reside together. Someday, the considerations written below will no longer be necessary because things will be better, but for now, these serious considerations are necessary.

On the "good news" side is that, while there is much bigotry in many places against consanguinamory, often including criminalization, so that some lovers can't marry or sex is illegal, there are no laws against relatives living together and most cultures encourage it instead of discouraging it. There is a long history of family members living together. Although there has been an "American Dream" portraying a "nuclear family" married man and woman (not closely rated) living in a single-family house with 2.3 children, the reality has always been different for most people. One common variation has been for a couple (married or unmarried) or a single person to live with their parents or have a parent living with them, having one or more sibling living with them, etc.



Still Living With Mom(s) and/or Dad(s)

Ever hear of "My home, my rules?" If you're still a minor, you definitely to have follow that (as long as those rules aren't abusive or otherwise harmful). But even if you're a legal adult, if you're living in their home rent-free, you still have to stick to their rules. Ideally, they'd be supportive of your love. There are some supportive parents, and they're a wonderful help.

Unfortunately, there are some parents who aren't supportive, even to the point they'd do something as atrocious as ratting out their own children to the police. Especially if you're a minor, you could even be placed in psychiatric ward against your will, at least for a few days.

If you're living with your parents and they know and are not supportive, you're going to have to be extremely careful, even more so than if they don't know but you think they'd disapprove. It's is best not to be caught or outed, but if you already have and they are against it, it is a good idea to let them think it has stopped. You can tell them it was just an experiment, a phase, and it is over. Meanwhile, you should do what you can to move out and become independent from them. Even if you're still a minor, in some places you can become what we call "emancipated" if you can demonstrate that you can take care of yourself.

If you're fortunate enough to be living with supportive parents, you still need to keep in mind your neighbors, extended family, your parents' friends, or anyone else who might disapprove and try not to put your parents in a difficult position if you can reasonably avoid it.

Something to consider if you're living with other, uninvolved family members, even family members who are basically supportive, is that there can be some envy involved. A typical example would be if a you are involved with your sibling and another sibling feels left out or rejected, or even just irritated that you're in a passionate relationship and they're having boyfriend or girlfriend trouble.


General Considerations

One of the Biggest Decisions: Stay or Establish a New Life?

Many consanguineous lovers find that moving away from people who know of their relation, especially to a place that has no laws against consanguinamory, can be very liberating. As with moving for any other reason, there are many factors to consider and visiting potential places of relocation would be a good idea.

Whether you stay or move, privacy is your friend. Carefully consider what you do on social media, for example, and option to deny other people the ability to "check you in" or tag you.


Even if you stay where people know you, or do not hide your relation if you do move...

Living With Relatives is Considered Normal

Close family members, whether sibling, or adult children and parents, or whomever, have lived together all throughout history. Sometimes the underlying reason has been consanguinamory, but there are other reasons, too, which can be part of a cover story: convenience, efficiency, and security.

You may prefer separate bedrooms for actual sleeping. Many married and partnered people do. But even if you like being together around the clock, it's usually a good idea to have a separate bedroom if at all possible, even just for appearances. It helps with the cover story if people know you're related.

Have A Cover Story

Speaking of a cover story, it is a good idea to establish and agree on one. It is probably going to depend somewhat on your other decisions and it is going to influence subsequent decisions. For example, if you move somewhere new, are you going to present yourselves as an unrelated married or partnered couple? Platonic unrelated roommates? If you have the same last (family, surname) name and people are going to know that, then it would probably be a good idea to say you're married, unless it is a very common last name, in which case you share a good chuckle about it with anyone who asks. In the US, people can legally change their name, so that may also be something to look into, depending on what you want to do.

If you're going to stay where people know your relation, how will you answer questions about why you're living together?

Although it may never happen, think about how you'll handle it if someone asks or asserts that you're close relatives in a sexual relationship. Are you going to look confused (which only works the first time they see you do it) and feign disgust? Are you going to chuckle and say something like "That's funny!" or give a sarcastic, "Oh, yeah, that's what's going on?" However you think it would be best to handle it, it is good that you do not to allow it to happen to you without having thought through how you could respond. What you do not want to have happen is to have the same person approach your partner and confirm you are in a sexual relationship and then come to you and confirm you're close relatives. You have to be on the same page about what you're going to tell people.

Some consanguinamorous people have taken on beards, meaning that, since they can't legally marry each other and face hostility just for being together, they have married, or at least publicly partnered with, other people. Although this is extreme, there's nothing wrong with it as long as everyone involved knows what is going on. Throughout history, people have taken on beards to deflect suspicion, but sometimes it has been done without the beard knowing what he or she was getting into.


Whether, When, To Whom, How to Come Out

Unfortunately, some people are outed against their will, but it is great if you aren't and the decisions about coming out are left entirely up to you and your partner(s). Many people feel stressed by the pressure of staying in the closet and not being able to behave naturally around their lover. On the other hand, criminalization, discrimination, harassment, being disinherited, and other possible reactions have to be considered.

Something that works for some people, mostly when it comes to their family and friends, is a "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy. Even if people have figured out that you are consanguinamorous, they might prefer not to ask and not to hear about it and you might like that just fine, too. Some people who might find it strange or even a bit unsettling will "live and let live" as long as you don't speak plainly with them about it. It would be great if you could be completely open and honest with the people in your life, but in most cases, that's not possible yet.

You and your partner(s) might agree to stay closeted until/unless X, Y, or Z happens. For example, you may want to stay closeted until your grandparents pass, or until you move to a place where it isn't against the law.



Love Notes, Sexts, and Texts

Most lovers these days send each other texts, pictures, audio, and video to express their love and desire for each other. No matter how modest these are, if they are discovered, they can out you to the wrong people. Especially if you're living with your parents or with someone else who you aren't certain is an ally, you should consider either refraining from doing these things or using services that allow for encryption and disappearing communications, such as Wire.


The Other Biggest Decision

If there is, when two of you get together, a fertile and working reproductive system, then you should  consider whether and when to have children, or how you're going to make sure you don't. There are many forms of contraception and vasectomies are simple if you're insured.

Every pregnancy has risks, but some have more risks than others. Some consanguineous lovers decide there is too much of a risk due a family history of genetic diseases, or because of discrimination. The existence of a shared genetic child has been used in criminal cases against consanguinamorous people.

There are DNA tests people can get to check for what they might pass along to a genetic child, although some people are concerned about the privacy commitment or security of some testing services.

There's also the certainty that people will ask someone who is pregnant, if they don't have a partner known to have a penis, how they got pregnant. How will you answer? Sperm donor (friend or sperm bank)? One night stand? Fling? Embryo donation? The truth?

Of course, if you have worries about your own genes or ability to carry a pregnancy (or there isn't a fertile reproductive system between two of you) there are also reproductive technologies and services that provide eggs, sperm, embryos, surrogate mothers, etc. and various forms of adoption, so that you can raise a child if you'd like.

However you come to raise children, another thing you should think about is if and when to tell the children that fact that you're in a consanguinamorous relationship.



What If...?

Discuss with your partner(s) any possible "What ifs" you can think of. What if the laws change for the better? What if we're outed? What if we move there?

Something you should consider is whether or not one of you will push The Red Button.


Consider Legal Help

There are multiple reasons to consult attorneys.

If you live where criminalization is still in effect and you're not going to move to a better place, a criminal law defense attorney should be consulted. You don't have to even say to the attorney that you're breaking the law. Rather, you can "ask hypothetically" if you'd like.

In some places, a family law or financial attorney and help you and your partner(s) to be pretty much married under the law without it being called marriage. Even if you don't want to be married, you still might want certain protections. This is especially helpful if you're not legally next of kin or if someone else (especially someone who doesn't approve of your love) has equal claim to being next of kin. This can assist you in sharing property and finances, having access to each other if one of you is hospitalized, so on and so forth. Again, you might not have to tell these attorneys that you are consanguinamorous.


Where Can You Live as Independent Adults?

Remember: If at all possible, having separate bedrooms, even if just for appearances, can be helpful.

Landlords

If you're going to get an apartment, flat, or even a house you're going to rent/lease, they might want/need the name of any adult who is going to be living there on the rental/lease agreement. If the landlord knows of your relation (and is NOT an ally), they're probably going to find it strange if it will be clear you'll be sharing a room, depending on your genders and sexual orientations. They might not think anything of it, for example, if they think you're a woman who is going to room with her gay brother, or you're brothers and you're heterosexual, or you're a mother and daughter. In a one-bedroom place, a couple can make it seem as though one has taken the bedroom and the other lives in the space that isn't considered a bedroom. Two siblings or a parent and adult child sharing a two-bedroom place isn't going to raise eyebrows at all.

Things can be less formal, but there's usually less privacy, if you rent a room in a house.

It is great if you can rent a house from a landlord who is not local and thus never visits, and only cares that you don't trash the place and that you pay your rent.

Ideally, you'd find a landlord who is an ally, but if not, discretion is usually going to be a must. In most places, it is still legal to refuse to rent to, or evict, people who are in a consanguinamorous relationship.


Roommates

As with landlords, ideally, you'd be able to find a roommate or roommates who are supportive, but if not, it's going to be very difficult.



Your Home, Your Rules

The best way to live together, if you can pull it off, is to buy your own place, whether a house, condominium, or possibly a mobile home. This affords the most privacy, especially if you make sure views and acoustic conditions are maximized for privacy.


Consider the Wide Open Road

Some people literally live in "recreational vehicles," sometimes called campers. These are basically vans, buses, or trucks that are equipped to be mobile homes. Especially if you're child-free by choice or by age (the kids have grown and moved on), if it suits your lifestyle, it will allow you to quickly move on if you think it would be best to do so.

Read More »

Is providing 'fake' alcohol a good way of trying to help your teen deal with 'peer pressure' at parties?

Over the years I've been contacted by a number of parents who have wanted my opinion on providing 'fake' alcohol to teens attending  parties or gatherings. Last week I received the following Facebook message from a mother asking the same question:

"I am just wondering what your view is on the idea of teens (15-year-old) 'pretending' to drink at a party by filling vodka cruiser bottles with cordial or soft drink?"

Wouldn't it be wonderful if we lived in a world where we didn't have to assist a 15-year-old to 'fit in' by providing fake alcohol? The sad thing is that this 'peer pressure' (although I believe it is far more likely to be a much more insidious 'social pressure') is also a reality for many Australian adults. As I've said many times before, I don't drink alcohol and I can think of many times over the years where it was just easier for me to grab a glass or bottle and walk around a party or other event and pretend that I was drinking. Having to deal with the party's host or people serving alcohol constantly asking me why I wasn't drinking can get really annoying. I'm sure some of the drinkers reading this will say, well why didn't you just grab a soft drink or water? Without doubt, there are many situations where that works but I can tell you that there are others (e.g., a wedding) where holding a mineral water (particularly when you are about to toast the happy couple) is seen as totally unacceptable by some! At the last wedding I went to, when I declined the offer of a glass of champagne from a waiter and asked for a mineral water instead, I remember a guy looking at me and saying loudly "I don't trust anyone who doesn't drink alcohol!" When I told a radio 'shock jock' who was interviewing me that I didn't drink alcohol (after he had specifically asked me a question about my drinking behaviour), he told me that that was "un-Australian"! I have no idea what that really means but it's kind of sad ...

So in the context of that culture where drinking is perceived as the 'norm', how do our young people cope with that social pressure? If you look at the evidence there are certainly growing numbers of teens who are choosing not to drink alcohol. As I've said before, I believe that one of the reasons for this is that many drinking groups now actually 'embrace' non-drinkers. They see them as valuable members of their social group. These are the guys or girls that look after the drinkers and become the designated drivers and, as a result, being identified as the non-drinker in the group does not necessarily mean the 'social suicide' that it once did. Unfortunately, this is not always the case and there are certainly groups of young people who drink alcohol who reject those who don't ... I am sure this happens amongst both genders, but in my experience it is the girls who are likely to face the greatest pressure here ...

When I wrote my book Teenagers, Alcohol and Drugs, I interviewed a mother who was really struggling to help her daughter maintain her position in a friendship group. The following story didn't end up making the final cut of the book but it perfectly illustrates the challenges that some young people face in this area:

An elite athlete, Alison was in Year 12 and represented Australia in her chosen sport. She was on the way to gaining a place at the AIS and had made the decision not to drink alcohol from an early age, prepared to sacrifice partying to make sure she achieved her dream. She had a great group of friends that she had had since primary school but recently each of them had started to drink alcohol when they went to parties. Even so, there were no problems as they all understood why she didn't drink and totally supported her decision.

Unfortunately, their attitude started to change at the beginning of Year 12 with Alison starting to get great pressure to join in with the drinking behaviour. In fact, according to Beth (her mother), she was going to lose her friends if she didn't agree to partake ... Beth was desperate to try to find a way to help her deal with the pressure she was getting to conform and keep her friends but, at the same time, not compromise her values ...

Beth finally came up with the idea of buying bottles of premixed spirits (e.g., Bacardi Breezers), emptying them out and then filling them with up with lemon squash. She would recap them (and even went to the extent of going to a factory to get them capped professionally!) and her daughter would take two of these to take to a party. According to Beth, the plan had worked and Alison was able to carry off the charade and keep her position in the social group.

I can remember having a long talk with Beth about the major issues she had with this strategy. She certainly didn't feel comfortable doing it and she had a huge problem understanding why a group of so-called 'friends' (many of whom she knew well) would suddenly put this kind of pressure on her daughter. But knowing how important being accepted by your peer group was at this age, she was willing to do anything to help. She was also extremely worried about what would happen if her daughter was found out. What if someone else had a sip and found out that it wasn't really alcohol? That was surely going to result in a far worse outcome - how would young women feel about a friend lying to them and bringing fake alcohol to a party? Interestingly, she told me that she had even experimented with a couple of spices (as well as Aromatic Bitters and even vinegar) to try and get a taste that could possibly resemble something similar to alcohol should a bottle fall into the wrong hands ... I don't think she had great success in that area!

So is providing fake alcohol a good strategy and are there any problems associated with assisting your teen in this way?

As I've already said, many non-drinking adults can think of a time when they have pretended to drink alcohol in social settings to help avoid annoying questions or comments or simply just 'fit-in'. For many it can be extremely effective. Unfortunately, I don't think it works as well for teens. There are just too many things that can go wrong, particularly when they are very young (around that 15-year-old age).

Firstly, there are all the legal issues to consider. In almost every Australian state and territory (apart from SA), it is illegal for a parent to host a party at their home and allow other parents' teens to drink alcohol on their property. The only way they can do it is if they get those teens' parents to give them permission to do so ... How do you handle that with fake alcohol? If a parent was hosting a 'dry' event and caught your child with the fake alcohol you had provided them, how does your teen deal with that and think of the position you're putting the host parent when they're totally unaware of what is really happening. Should you be telling host parents that the alcohol your child is drinking is fake? If your child is refused entry to a party by security I'm sure you're not going to be happy about it, but how would they know better? Even worse, if your 15-year-old was caught with alcohol in a public place, they could be charged and given an alcohol caution. How does your child cope with a complex situation like that? Do they just sit back and accept the charge or do they 'out' themselves in front of their friends and tell the truth?

Beth's concern about being caught out by their peers is another real issue here ... It only takes one person to realize that your teen is lying about what they're drinking and it can get really ugly, very quickly! If your child has a social group where drinking is that important that they feel they need to take fake alcohol to fit in, I can't imagine the reaction they would get if their lie was caught out ... To be quite honest, I don't think it's worth the risk!

But most importantly, I believe you really run the risk of normalising alcohol in their social group even more if you utilise this strategy. Assisting your teen to 'cave in' and fit the supposed norm may seem like a good idea in the short-term when they are really struggling in this area, but it is not going to help them in the long-run. What could be far more useful is to help your child come up with a realistic 'out' that will result in them avoiding drinking alcohol but ensure that they still 'save face'. I've written about 'outs' before but here are a few that I have picked up from teens over the years that have actually worked:

• "I am allergic to alcohol"
• "The medication I'm on at the moment doesn't mix well with alcohol"
• "Dad found out I was drinking last weekend and I'll be grounded if I get caught again"
• "Mum's picking me up and she always checks my breath when I get in the car"

So how did I respond to the Facebook message I received last week? Well, it's short and sweet and was as follows:

"I certainly do know of teens (and their parents) who use this strategy, although I have to say, I don't hear about it nearly as much as I once did (increasingly non-drinkers are becoming more socially acceptable and so the pressure seems to be lifting for many, but certainly not all, young people). My worry about doing it with such young teens (15-year-olds) is that it normalises alcohol in their social group even more ... that said, if it works for your family and your teen is under such great pressure that you need to resort to this, well, anything to keep them safer ..."

I also told her that I'd be writing a blog entry on the topic ... Most importantly, though, it doesn't really matter what I (or anybody else for that matter) believes, as I said, if a strategy works for you and your family, well, anything to keep them safer! Just remember to consider all your options and not just a short-term fix, particularly at the age of 15. You have years of adolescence ahead, a long-term strategy may take a little more effort and thought but it is likely to be far more effective ...

Read More »

Jane's Latest Survey

If you are strongly attracted to one or more close relatives and it's NOT a reunion situation in which you didn't have much contact with them while you were grown up, but rather they've been in your life all along or most of the time, Jane's latest survey is for you. Please take it.

Read More »

Myth: If Only They'd Known Ahead of Time, GSA Wouldn't Have Happened

Reality: There have been people who knew of their genetic relation and also knew about reunion Genetic Sexual Attraction, who were averse to the idea of sexual interaction between close genetic relatives, who have, nonetheless, experienced GSA.

The only way to be sure to avoid GSA is to either:

1) Never introduce/reunite genetic relatives raised apart, which is impossible given that they’ve been known to end up together without even intending to.

OR

2) Make sure they’re a regular part of each other’s life while growing up.

#2 May not be desirable for any number of reasons, but even close relatives who were raised together might end up having sexual interaction. For example, back in the 1970s studies revealed that about ten percent of people in their early twenties would admit to already having had (consensual, to be redundant) sexual contact with a sibling. This doesn’t even include contact with other close relatives. The percentage is probably higher today. While this usually doesn’t fall under what we define as GSA, it is still what people are worried about: close relatives enjoying each other sexually. So, avoiding the kind of distance that fosters GSA is still not an assurance that there will not be an attraction and/or some sexual interaction between close genetic relatives.

See Myth: GSA Feelings Will Go Away

See Myth: People Only Experience GSA Because They’d Heard About It or Knew of Their Relation

Read More »

The Royal We

A discussion was underway at theroyalforums.com about "Incestuous Royal Marriages." This blog has noted such things before.
 
Kataryn started off the discussion YEARS ago...

Legally Catherine of Aragon was married incestually because she as widow of one brother married the other after the first hausband's death.

That's not considered incest in most definitions.

But that's just a formality. History has shown that Royal families did not hesitate to form very close bonds between them. While a marriage of cousin and cousin happened quite often, marriages between unles and nieces are rare - but they happened, too.

One example is the marriage of Antoinette Marie of Wuerttemberg to Ernst I. of Saxe-Coburg-Gotha. Marie's mother Antoinette of Saxe-Coburg-Saalfeld was the sister of the groom.

Then there are the three uncle-niece marriages of the Spanish and Austrian Habsburgs:

- Philipp II. married Anna of Austria, the daughter of his sister Marie.

- Archduke Charles II of Austria-Innerösterreich married Maria Anna of Bavaria, daughter of his sister Anna of Austria.

- Philipp IV. married Marianna of Austria, daughter of his sister Maria Anna.

As you can see, the last three uncle-niece-marriages happened in the House of Habsburg between 1550 and 1660 in the direct line leading to Philipp IV. of Spain and his wife Marianna of Austria. Their child is the sad, sick Don Carlos of Schillerian fame...

Not 100 years later, the House of Habsburg ended in the male line. But of course the marriage of Maria Theresia of Austria to Francis Stephan of Lorraine brought new blood into the family..

As I understand it, uncle-niece marriages are allowed in some places in deference to religious traditions.



Princess Agnes added...

In Portugal there are two cases of marriages to uncles, regarding the only female monarchs.

D. Maria I (1734-1816) married her uncle, Pedro de Bragança (1717-1786) who became D. Pedro III, in 1760.

Her greatgranddaughter, D. Maria II (1819-1853) married her uncle D. Miguel (1802-1866) by proxy in 1826. This marriage was annulled in 1834. This annullment had nothing to do with the close relationship between the spouses (there had been a papal dispensation) but because it had been contracted in an attempt to end the liberal civil wars. D. Miguel didn't fulfill his part of the agreement (he was on the absolutist side) and the marriage ended being annulled. D. Maria II later married Auguste of Beauharnais in 1834 by proxy and personnally in January 1835, although he died in March that year.

She finally married Fernando de Saxe-Coburg-Gotha (1816-1885) in 1836. After the birth of their first son, he became D. Fernando II.

MAfan added more about Spain...

In the Spanish Royal Family it appears that such marriages were a sort of habit:

- in 1779 Infanta Maria Amalia (Carlos IV's daughter) married her paternal uncle Infante Antonio;
- in 1816 King Fernando VII married his niece Infanta Isabel of Portugal (daughter of his sister Carlota Joaquina);
- in 1829 again King Fernando VII married his niece Princess Maria Cristina of the Two Sicilies (daughter of his sister Maria Isabel);
- in 1816 Infante Carlos married to his niece Infanta Maria Francisca of Portugal (daughter of his sister Carlota Joaquina);
- in 1838 Infante Carlos married to his niece and sister-in-law Infanta Teresa of Portugal (another daughter of his sister Carlota Joaquina, and sister of the above mentioned Isabel and Maria Francisca);
- in 1819 Infante Francisco de Paula (brother of Fernando VII) married to his niece Princess Luisa Carlotta of the Two Sicilies (daughter of his sister Isabel, and sister of the above mentioned Maria Cristina; later Francisco de Paula and Luisa's son, Francisco de Asis, married to Fernando and Maria Cristina's daughter, Queen Isabel II).

Several other descendants of these couples married among themselves.

Alison20 was confused...

It has always seemed very strange to me that no-one in the Spanish RF realised a very basic biological fact, which was that marrying close relatives was not a healthy practice. This was somethat that was understood by even the most isolated and 'primitive' human societies - who made it 'taboo' for a woman to marry a man from her own family group. Perhaps they were so blinded by their belief in their superiority that they didn't think this basic fact applied to them! :-)

Most children born to close relatives are healthy. Not all societies have had a taboo preventing consanguineous marriages. The ones who did were likely more concerned about trading their daughters away as bargaining chips. In other words, the prohibitions were for the same reason the royal families would engage in consanguineous marriages: power. Either gaining it or retaining it.

Grandduchess24 contributed some information about the Norwegian royals...

Queen maud of Norway married her maternal cousin, haakon VII since they are both grandchildren of King Christian IX of Denmark

Princess Irene of Hesse and by Rhine married her maternal cousin prince Heinrich of Prussia and had 3 sons, is that right?

Princess Victoria Melita of Saxe Coburg and Gotha had married firstly her cousin grand duke Ernst Ludwig of Hesse and had a daughter by him but died young, she secondly married her maternal cousin grand duke Cyril Vladimirovich and had two girls and one boy.

King carol II of Romania married his cousin Helen

Marc23 added about the Portugal royals...

And her son Pedro,"product" of uncle and niece was married to his own aunt Maria Francisca who was a sister to his mother and the other niece of his father,who was at the same time his grandfathers younger brother!

pacomartin gave quite a list...

Hanoverian familial relationships with consorts
King George I married his firstcousin
King George II married his 3rd cousin 1 generation removed
Prince of Wales Frederick married his 3rd cousin 1 generation removed
King George III married his 3rd cousin
King George IV married his firstcousin
King William IV married his 3rd cousin 1 generation removed
Victoria and Edward Augustus were 3rd cousins 1 generation removed
Queen Victoria married her first cousin
King Edward VII married his 3rd cousin
King George V married his 2nd cousin 1 generation removed
King Edward VIII married "Wallis, Duchess of Windsor" after he abdicated (no known relationship)
King George VI married his 13th cousin (pretty distant for two English people) They were both descended from Henry VII.
 
Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh are:
2nd cousins one generation removed through common descent from King Christian IX of Denmark (died 1906) 3rd cousins through common descent from Queen Victoria (died 1901) and Prince Albert

Prince Charles is said to have proposed to his 2nd cousin, but when she turned him down he proposed to Diana (his 7th cousin once removed).

Queen Elizabeth's consanguinity index is almost zero because of the lack of any close relationship between her parents. Prince Charles is 2.03%, or about a third of the child of first cousins. Prince William and Harry have almost 0%.

theresa_225 offered...

Is Joseph, Prince of Beira and Benedita, Princess of Brazil mentioned yet? José was the son of Maria I of Portugal and her uncle, Peter III. Benedita is his aunt, being the daughter of José I of Portugal and Infanta Mariana Victoria of Spain (the parents of Maria I of Portugal).

Noble Consort Ming...

I think the Thai royal family has not been mentioned. Traditionally Thai kings had many wives including their sisters and half sisters. For example, King Rama V's four queen consorts were all his half-sisters(he had many other wives and concubines besides them as well).

Also, Kind Leonidas of Sparta and his wife Gorgo were uncle and niece. Many sources call her his half-niece(if there is such a term) since she was the daughter of his half brother.

Meraude...

The Roman emperor Claudius married his niece Agrippina the Younger, daughter of his brother Germanicus. She was the sister of emperor Caligula and there were rumours that he had an incestrous relationship with his sister Julia Drusilla, if not all of his sisters, but there is no known facts whether it's true or not.

Emperor Tiberius married his stepsister Julia the Elder, and was later adopted by Julia's father emperor Augustus, so the marriage could be seen as incestrous. The same could be said for the marriage between emperor Nero and his first wife, Claudia Octavia, the daugher of his step- and adoptive father, emperor Claudius.

norenxaq noted...

on a related theme, there was a dynasty in central india called the ikshvaku (c.200-300 AD) whose kings married their aunts

Keeping it in the caste?

The royals in Egypt, Hawaii, and elsewhere are also mentioned.

Literally all over the world, it has been common for close relatives to marry. In the US, there is a ridiculous stereotype that assigns such marriages or sexual relationships to rural southerners. But the fact is, wealthy people urban residents, and people of any socioeconomic background experience consanguinamory.

It is ridiculous that any US state has restrictions on the consanguineous freedom to marry, let alone laws criminalizing sex between first cousins. This is just one of many reasons we need full marriage equality nationwide. Adults in love who want to marry shouldn't have to hire a lawyer to figure out of they can marry where they live, or if it would be criminal for them to live together if they want to move to another state.

Read More »

Check Out the Consanguinamory Wiki

It's here.

Read More »

Myth: GSA Feelings Will Go Away

Reality: They might. That also means they might not.

Some people experiencing Genetic Sexual Attraction report that their feelings have lasted years while they avoided any sexual contact. Others report their feelings changing after sharing a sexual relationship. Still others report the feelings endure with intensity in an ongoing consanguinamorous relationship. There are other possibilities as well.

It is common for feelings to evolve in any relationship. Polyamorists often talk about New Relationship Energy and Old Relationship Energy. Most people know that relationships can often start with infatuation that may not last, and may or may not be replaced with other feelings.

It appears to be very rare for GSA to evaporate away by simply ignoring it. Family and friends who tell someone experiencing GSA to just forget about it or ignore it may mean well, but they're not aware of just how overwhelming it can be. Even people who recognize the person to which they’re attracted is bad news, even abusive, may still feel drawn intensely to them. This is yet another reason why GSA needs to be decriminalized, brought out of the shadows, and dealt with seriously and respectfully.


See Myth: Sex Will Always Ruin These Relationships

See Myth: If Only They'd Known Ahead of Time, GSA Wouldn't Have Happened

Read More »

If you even think your teen may be going into a situation where there is alcohol, try to arm them with information to keep them and others safe!

The story of Nicole Emily Bicknell's death after consuming an enormous amount of alcohol at her 18th birthday party in 2014 raised a whole pile of issues around young people, alcohol and celebrating. The inquest into her death was held earlier this year but it was only last week that WA's Deputy State Coroner handed down her verdict of "death by misadventure". The night in question is described in graphic detail in this article from The West Australian newspaper and is deeply disturbing and, although it was found that alcohol intoxication alone caused the death, it is obvious that if those around her on the night had responded in a different way, the outcome could have been different. Nevertheless, the Coroner's recommendation was that, as a result of the death, alcohol education be provided to every secondary school student in the state (something that I'm pretty sure is already done, at least to some extent), particularly around the physiology of alcohol toxicity.

I posted the story on my Facebook page and, not surprisingly, it received quite a reaction ... It has been shared more than 100 times and has had almost 20,000 views! Many people have also posted comments. If you look at some of these, many parents obviously took the time to direct the story to their teens. One mother even used the story to congratulate her daughter on 'doing the right thing', potentially averting a similar situation:

• "even though she wasn't as intoxicated as this young woman, you did the right thing at the party by keeping that girl moving and calling the ambulance"

The one comment that I found particularly interesting, however, was the following (not surprisingly from a teacher):

• "Why is it always left up to schools? There are already programs running. I sat with my daughter and watched a very graphic film made in WA about binge drinking that she had to analyse for homework. As a teacher I think parents need to also educate their own children. The party was not held at school!! Very sad for all concerned"

Of course, schools play an extremely important role in educating young people around alcohol and other drugs, but shouldn't parents play a part in keeping their teens safe? As the woman said - "The party was not held at school!!" ... Schools can provide all the information in the world to teens about the dangers of alcohol but there has to come a point where parents have to take some responsibility, particularly if they know they're sending their teen off to a potentially risky environment like a teenage party ... This is not just about simply warning them of the potential dangers, it's about giving them practical advice and strategies on how to look after their friends and themselves should something go wrong ...

I've presented to students from 10 schools in the past fortnight, speaking to Year 10s, 11s and 12s. When I see Year 10s (average age - 15 years), along with other messages, I show them how to look after a drunk friend and what to do in an emergency. At every one of those sessions there was a sizeable number of young men and women who had had to already deal with a drunk friend, some of them doing this multiple times. Rarely, if ever, was an adult present when this was happening. Many of them had also had to look after a drunk vomiting friend at some point. With few exceptions, most had absolutely no idea what they were doing. These are not situations that any 15-year-old should have to deal with by themselves but so many do, weekend after weekend, right across the country ... When you ask them what they do in these situations, the response is often terrifying ... As with Nicole's death, many of these young people simply put their friends to bed 'to sleep it off', some of them hiding their intoxicated friends from parents, frightened of possible repercussions. It truly is a miracle that we don't see more fatalities than we do.

What continues to frustrate me is that those parents who make the decision to provide alcohol to their teens to drink at a party or a gathering on a Saturday night simply hand over the bottles, drop them off at someone's house and don't even consider providing them with one skerrick of safety information should something go wrong ... Now I know some parents will say that this is the school's responsibility and that doesn't this get taught in health education classes? Maybe it does, but if you're handing over a couple of bottles or cans to your teen, wouldn't sharing some good quality information on what they should do if something went wrong be advisable when you do?

When I first started delivering the type of presentations I do now, I based them on interviews I conducted with hundreds of young people across the country. I wanted to find out what information they wanted, not what I thought they needed and I didn't want to rehash things that were already covered in health and drug education lessons. Overwhelmingly, what they wanted was advice on how to look after their friends. When pushed on whether they were interested in being provided information to help themselves, not surprisingly, it became quite clear that they really didn't believe any of these 'bad things' would happen to them. Talking about what would happen to their friends was the key. So what is it that they really want to know? Without a doubt, the three questions that teens want answers to are as follows:

• How do I look after a drunk friend?
• How do you know when you have to call an ambulance for a drunk friend?
• How to look after a drunk, vomiting friend

When I speak to students, I do my best to provide answers, as well as simple strategies that could help them in potentially dangerous situations (I have linked some of my answers from my blog for young people, as well as a fact sheet from my website, if you are interested). Most schools attempt to provide similar messages. But wouldn't it be great if parents took some responsibility for providing this information to their teens, particularly if they're actually giving them the alcohol to drink at a teenage party or gathering? When you ask a 15-year-old girl how she knew what to do after she has just told you that she has recently spent 4-5 hours looking after a drunk, vomiting friend (and you have to ask where were her parents or any other adult?) and she says her 'maternal instincts' kicked-in - it's deeply disturbing. The young woman had absolutely no idea what she was doing, never contemplated calling an adult to help her and instead, just hoped that her 'instincts' would get her and her friend through ... A simple 5-minute discussion from a parent about how to look after someone who is vomiting could save a life - that's all it could take!

Then there are all the questions about calling 000 and how much the ambulance costs, who will pay and will the ambulance or hospital call parents? I've already provided this information before but here's some simple advice on how to best deal with the topic and some of the key points to cover:

• Download the 'Emergency +' app from the App Store and acquaint yourself with its key features. This is a fantastic tool that everyone who owns a smartphone should have - when opened it provides all the key emergency numbers, as well as activating your GPS, providing not only your latitude and longitude but also your street address 
• If your child has a smartphone, sit down as a family and ensure that everyone  puts the app onto their phone - this provides a great opportunity to talk about 000 and its services and when everyone does it, it helps to emphasise the importance of the service. If they don't own a smartphone, make sure they see all family members are loading it onto their phone 
• If they have a mobile - make sure 000 is listed in their address book under 'Emergency'. Once again, talk about 000 and its services
• Ensure that they know that 000 can be accessed even if the phone does not have any credit or the phone is locked, i.e., you can pick up anyone's mobile and call 000 even if it locked. Show them that when the keypad is locked the option for 'emergency call' is always there
• Talk through what will happen when they call regarding a medical emergency (read through the DARTA fact sheet on the topic for full details) but the most important points include who they will be talking to (an emergency operator and then the ambulance operator - many teens are completely unaware that they will be talking to two people) and what information they will be asked for (location, mobile number and what is the problem)
• Make sure they know that it is not them (or you) that pays for an ambulance if they make the call - it is the person being transported! A real barrier to teens calling for help for a friend is that they are frightened there will received a bill for the ambulance
• If you have ambulance cover, make sure they know that - if you live in Queensland or Tasmania they should be told that their ambulance costs are covered
• Most importantly, ensure that they know that they have your complete support should they ever have to call an ambulance. I would suggest the following - "If you need an ambulance, you call one straight away. I totally support you. Then you call me - straight afterwards"

Sitting down with your teen and talking through some possible scenarios that may occur at a teenage party around alcohol is not ever going to be easy. They'll try to dismiss you, telling you that they don't do those sort of things, or accuse you of not knowing what you're talking about, but it is vital that you persist. One possible way in is to talk about your own experiences and what went wrong when you were young and how you handled it ... Speaking honestly about how you looked after a drunk friend (warts and all), acknowledging that you may not have done everything correctly, could be really useful and lead to a great discussion about keeping friends as safe as possible. And if you don't know all the answers or what to do, try to find out together ... use this as a valuable 'connecting' opportunity with your teen.

Without question, if your child is going out anywhere on a Saturday night, you must have a discussion about 000 - I've said that so many times. But if they're going to a party or gathering and you even think they, or their friends, may come into contact with alcohol, try to arm with them some simple strategies that could help them deal with a potentially life-or-death situation. At the very least, let them know as they're stepping out of your car or walking out the front door that if they need you, for whatever reason, you'll be there for them, no questions asked! You do not want your 15 or 16-year-old son or daughter having to deal with something as frightening as a drunk friend who could potentially choke to death on their own vomit by themselves. They need to know that you'll be there for them to either provide advice or support them in whatever way they need ...

Read More »

Is There Any Sexuality You Don't Support?

Someone asked me that question privately.

If by sexuality, one means gender identity or sexual orientation… I support people being free to be themselves, as long as they don’t force themselves on others (like predators of children).

Regarding sex…

I believe in the basic human rights of freedom of religion, association, expression, and assembly. Anything consenting adults do together should be up to them, and should not be something to be subjected to criminal prosecution, discrimination, or bullying. Nor should minors close in age be prosecuted or forced into “treatment” for having sex with each other.

I don't consider rape, assault, or child molestation to be "sex." I'm all for prosecuting for those.

I think if someone is at the age of consent for sex, that age of consent should also apply to being recorded or photographed. If someone wants to make videos of themselves to take pictures of themselves or let someone else do it, and they want to show it to others, and another person of the age of consent wants to view it, fine.

Regarding marriage…

I support the right to marry for everyone. An adult should be free to marry any and all consenting adults.

But…

My support of legal rights and protections does not mean I personally support all sex or marriages.

For example, I think it is a bad idea for, say, a woman who needs monogamy to have sex on the first date, and if a friend like that wants my "support" I would tell her no, it is a bad idea.

Another example… I think it is safe to say we’ve all known people who announced they were going to get married and we cringed (if only inside) because we didn’t think they were right for each other, or perhaps in a place in their lives where they were ready to be married.

I am also against cheating (but again, I don’t think it should be a criminal matter). Cheating is when someone breaks an existing vow to another through action, rather than informing the person(s) with whom they have the vow that the agreement is ending. There are married couples who have agreements that allow one or both of them to have sex with other people, and per those agreements doing so would not be cheating.

However, if someone tells me they are happily involved with their close biological relative, or two close biological relatives, and none of them are cheating to do it, then yes, I support them. I support happy, healthy same-gender relationships, interracial relationships, polyamorous relationships, intergenerational relationships (adults), and consanguinamorous relationships.

I am sex-positive. Sex is a good thing for many reasons. We’d be better off if more people were having more sex and sex that was more satisfying to them. So generally, I “support sex.” Those who don’t think sex is a good thing or talk as though it isn’t may be doing it wrong, or may have forgotten what it is like (certain asexuals excepted).

What about you? Are you sex-positive?

Read More »