Ten Myths About Sibling Consanguinamory

I’ve noticed some common myths expressed about sibling consanguinamory. In this instance, by consanguinamory, I mean everything from curious exploration and experimenting to erotic romance, including masturbating in front of each other, erotic kissing, sexual touching or rubbing, oral sex, intercourse, etc.

This entry is NOT addressing molestation, assault, or abuse.

I’m referring to adult siblings, or minor siblings who are close in age, engaging in mutual affection or experimentation, without coercion, force, or intimidation. It may be two siblings alone, it may be three or more siblings, or it may be two or more siblings involved together with one or more people outside of the immediate family.

These myths need to be addressed, because they perpetuate inequality, discrimination, hardship, confusion, stigmas, ignorance, and fear.

Myth #1 “It doesn’t happen” or “It happens very rarely” or “I don’t know anyone who has done this.” Just because one person hasn’t been involved or doesn’t remember being involved with sibling doesn’t mean it isn’t happening with others. It is, and it always has. Ongoing sexual relationships between siblings are common enough that everyone knows someone who is, or has been in, such a relationship, and far more siblings than that have had an encounter or experimented, explored, or played doctor. Reality: We all know people who've been involved, whether we know it or not.

Myth #2 “Siblings don’t have sex, rather it is always that one sibling abuses another” or ”It only happens between siblings who have been abused or neglected” or “It always means they need therapy.” At the heart of this is myth is that, because of the dynamics between siblings, one sibling can’t consent to have sex with another. This ignores siblings who weren’t raised together, but even with siblings who were raised together, the claim that one can’t consent to sex with another is an unsupported assertion based on personal aversion, a personal history of abuse, ignorance, or even the absurd notion that females don’t want or enjoy sex. If an 18-year-old woman can legally consent to group sex with three male cage fighters who are strangers to her, or consent to be the mistress of a billionaire with a spouse and children, the President of the United States, or a someone who rented a room in her childhood home and was present for her entire childhood, how can we be consistent in saying that she can't consent to sex with her twin brother or sister? When it comes to minors, most family therapists don’t consider it abuse if minors close in age experiment or have sex; it is considered mutual experimentation (think teenagers who are four or fewer years apart). Abuse and sex are two different things. Sex does happen in some families. Unfortunately, so does abuse. But they aren’t the same thing. Reality: Some siblings do willingly share this at some point in their lives, and may not need therapy at all.

Myth #3. “It only happens as youthful experimentation. Adults don't do this.” While such contact is more common among siblings living together in their youth, it may continue throughout their lives or be initiated during adulthood: everything from while they’re at college to during their senior years. It can happen when siblings are introduced or reunited (Genetic Sexual Attraction,) during a time of personal discovery or experimentation, while one siblings cares for another through an illness or after an accident, during times of grieving, after a breakup or divorce or death of a spouse/lover… anytime, really. Reality: Some siblings share this throughout their lives, some starting late in life.

Myth #4 “It is unnatural.” This myth is not supported either in human history or in other species. While it is very common for people who spent their childhoods in the same residence together, whether genetically related or not, to develop a suppression of sexual attraction to each other (this has been described as the Westermarck Effect), this does not happen to everyone, and siblings who aren’t raised together are often attracted to each other; studies reveal most people are attracted to people who look like them. Reality: In many cases, nothing is more natural.

Myth #5. “It is wrong” or “It is destructive” or “It needs to be stopped” or “They won’t be able to go on to have normal lives.” Different people are going to have different moral guidelines about sex, but sibling consanguinamory is not considered wrong by everyone or all cultures. In many cases, it is advantageous compared to having the siblings involved with others. Nor is there anything inherently destructive about it, but rather some find it constructive. The only way to stop it is to have constant, direct supervision of the siblings 24/7/365. This, however, is needless. For most, the involvement is for a season and it will pass. For others, it will last a lifetime. Either way, there’s no good reason to try to stop it. The only hindrance to having a “normal life” for siblings who continue together is the bigotry of others. Reality: For some, it is the best of all possibilities, it is wonderful and constructive, and they lead perfectly normal, even unusually good lives.

Myth #6 “Only loners, losers, freaks, or ugly people do this” or “It only happens in rural, southern (in the US), poor, uneducated families.” 
Reality: Sibling consanguinamory happens in every demographic and in every part of the US and the world. There are attractive, outgoing, popular, successful, wealthy, educated people who have been, or are still involved with a sibling.

Myth #7 “If they have children, they will be deformed” or “It causes birth defects.” Incest, if it results in a birth, does not cause birth defects in and of itself. Most children born to close relatives are healthy. You know some, whether you know it or not and whether they know their own true parentage or not. Birth defects can be the result of injury during pregnancy, substances ingested during pregnancy, environmental factors, or genetic problems. It is the last one that people tend to be thinking of, usually, when they repeat this myth. That’s because when both genetic parents carry the same genetic problem, it may be demonstrated in the children. However, this can happen with parents who aren’t closely related, too. Reality: Most children born to siblings are healthy.

Myth #8 “It always ruins sibling relationships” or “A person needs a nonsexual relationship with their sibling.” Many siblings report that consaguinamory made them much closer, even if they have ceased that part of their relationship. As far as someone needing a nonsexual relationship with a sibling… that would mean that people who are only children (having no siblings) would suffer, when the studies say otherwise. Also, if someone has more than one sibling, that usually means they’ll still have a nonsexual relationship with the other. Reality: For many siblings, consanguinamory made their relationship much better, and they relate to other people better as a result.

Myth #9 “It is illegal everywhere.” No, it isn’t. But where it is, the laws should be changed. Some people say such laws are needed to prevent societal collapse due to everyone making mutant babies with their siblings. As already explained, most children born to siblings are healthy. Even so, sibling consanguinamory and reproduction are two different things. In most places where consanguinamory is legally banned, it is entirely legal for brothers and sisters to have genetic children together through artificial insemination. It is entirely legal for someone with Huntington’s Disease to have children, even though the odds are dramatically higher than with a random pair of siblings that the children will have a debilitating disease. We can also look at places where it is legal for brothers and sisters to have sex and children together, such as Spain, Portugal, Rhode Island, and New Jersey. Has there been a crisis as a result in any of those places? (Snooki excluded.) Furthermore, the person who says anti-consanguinamory laws are needed to prevent widespread inbreeding makes it sound like everyone wants to have babies with their sibling, and the only thing holding them back is the law (perhaps there is something they want to tell us?) MOST people will not have intercourse with or marry their siblings, and even many siblings who do will not have genetic children together. Another part of this myth is that laws against consanguinamory prevent abuse. Abuse is illegal regardless of consanguinamory laws, and criminalizing consensual sex actually makes it more difficult to get victims and witnesses to cooperate in the prosecuting of abusers. Reality: Sibling consanguinamory is legal in several US states and many developed countries, but where stupid laws still apply, those unjust laws must go.

Myth #10 “Siblings don’t need the freedom to marry.” This is often augmented with “because they are already family.” But siblings who are sharing their lives as spouses often do need the same rights, benefits, and protections as any other spouses, and there’s no good reason to deny them their fundamental right to marry. Also, marriage automatically provides for next-of-kin status, which is especially important when there is some discord between one or both siblings and other siblings or their parents or grown children. For example, if brothers Adam & Steve have been living as spouses for years and Steve winds up in a coma in the hospital, their estranged, bigoted parents would likely be able to usurp Adam’s rights to make decisions. Finally, in relationships initiated through Genetic Sexual Attraction, they might not be considered family under the law, although in a loathsome double-standard, they may still be subject to discriminatory laws based on their genetic relation. Reality: An adult should be free to marry any and all consenting adults.

In Conclusion

There are siblings who are together right now, providing each other love, comfort, support, or their first sexual experience in a safe and reassuring environment. The biggest problem with sibling consanguinamory seems to be the prejudice and sex-negative attitudes of others. In most cases, trying to force consanguinamorous siblings apart only makes things worse. It can be a mutually beneficial way of bonding, expressing their love for each other, learning, and discovering their sexuality; it may even be a beautiful, lifelong romance.

Let’s not let ignorance cause needless concern or repression.

For further reading:

Common Objections Answered

What Family and Friends Should Know

Case Studies of Consanguinamorous Relationships

How Common is Consensual Incest?

Why Is Incest Illegal Anywhere?

Genetic Sexual Attraction

Consensual Incest FAQ

If You Are Considering It

myths lies misconceptions the truth about real true sibling brothers sisters brother-sister sister-sister brother-brother consanguineous sex incest lovemaking love marriage

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Myth: People in GSA Relationships Don’t Need the Freedom to Marry

Reality: Some people in Genetic Sexual Attraction relationships need and want the freedom to marry, and there is no good reason for them to be denied their right to marry if they’re consenting adults.

Because people experiencing GSA are close genetic relatives, some people argue that they don’t need their right to marry because they’re already family. However, they might not be considered family under the law, although in a loathsome double-standard, they may still be subject to discriminatory laws based on their genetic relation.

Those who are already sharing their lives as spouses, or want to, often do need the same rights, benefits, and protections as any other spouses. Also, marriage automatically provides for next-of-kin status, which is especially important when there is some discord between the lovers and others who are legally recognized as family. For example, if brothers Adam and Steve have been living as spouses for years and Steve winds up in a coma in the hospital, Steve’s estranged, bigoted, adoptive parents would likely be able to usurp Adam’s rights to make decisions.

An adult should be free to marry any and all consenting adults.

See Myth: Acting on GSA Needs to be Criminalized, Prosecuted, and Stopped

See Myth: I Don’t Know Anyone Who Has Experienced GSA

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Not Too Close For Comfort

A comment came in on our popular entry "Aunts and Nephews"...

I'm currently in an active sexual relationship with my nephew. We aren't blood or marriage related. His mom and I are best friends and I helped raise him. The last time I saw him he was 11, we reunited now that he's 18 approaching 19. I'm 34. The attraction was instant and mutual. I feel like I am betraying my friend however, the amount of enjoyment and satisfaction I get from this guy is worth the risk. I think she suspects we're intimate but there's no proof. Her boyfriend is quite jealous that I don't look in his direction and tried to out nephew and I... Good luck, we both deny until we die! I don't want to stop, and neither does he. Any thoughts?

It's time to write a long-overdue essay on "fauxcest" or "nearcest" of whatever else this can be called. So that's below. But first, let's answer the questions raised Anonymous.

1) You two are consenting adults. You should be free to have this relationship. There's nothing wrong with having this relationship.

2) "I feel like I am betraying my friend..." This is not a rational reaction. It is a feeling that is based in prejudices and faulty reasoning. Your "nephew" would certainly be sexually active with someone, whether his mother is comfortable with that thought or not. Why is it is a bad thing that is with someone who already knows and cares about him? Sex isn't a bad thing, unless you are doing it wrong.

Someone might say to you "He's young enough to be your son" or to him "She's old enough to be your mother." But so what? Someone might go a step further and say he must be harboring a secret desire for his mother and you for your son (if you have one). That may or may not be true, but even if true, neither of you would find any scolding from us. It is very common for people to find someone who is like one of their parents or siblings, for example.

There's a chance your relationship will be outed (some of this advice might be helpful). And, it is likely that if that happens, your friend will be very upset with you. She might try to attribute her anger to the secrecy, but that would most likely just be an excuse. Neither of you is under any obligation to tell her the details of your sex life. If she finds out and is angry, give her time to cool off. You can tell her you understand her feelings without denying your entitlement to your love life. Many parents get upset at the thought of their child (even though their child is an adult) having sex. Some people get upset that someone they know is having sex  with someone to whom they're related. Neither reaction is based on logic, but rather things like aversion to change, feeling old, and even envy.

After she cools  off, she might realize that it can be a better thing that her son is with someone who has already known and cared for him. Some of this applies.


Enjoy what you have. There's no reason you shouldn't. Goodness knows there are many people out there who are miserable in a relationship or lonely. Why deprive anyone, especially yourself, of happiness?

The prejudice against consanguinamory, which literally involves blood relation, has, unfortunately, extended to relationships that do not involve blood (genetic) relatives; sometimes it is even enshrined in ridiculous criminal laws. These relationships are often called "incestuous" anyways. That could be because the Westermarck Effect has been observed in people who were raised together or by one another who are not actually close genetic relatives. However, whether Westermarck is "nature" or "nurture" or a mix, it is clear that some people don't experience it; some people experience the exact opposite.

"Nearcest" or "fauxcest" or "pseudoincestuous" relationships are very common.

If not with a sibling, cousin, or close-in-age aunt or uncle, kids who "play doctor" are most likely going to do so with neighbor or friend they're around frequently. Teens often experiment and explore with the best friend of a sibling, or a best friend's sibling. If a parent gets into a new relationship, whether or leads to marriage or not, a teen may find themselves living with or frequently around a (potential) stepsibling who is close in age. Their parents are attracted to each other. They are their parents' children. They were not raised together so the Westermarck Effect never came into play. So experimentation and all-out romance can ensue.

This happens in adulthood, too. People have been brought together by their parents marrying.

Especially for someone living at home, a parent's new lover or spouse themselves can be a love or lust interest. This can be even more likely if the (potential) stepparent is significantly younger than the parent. It's safe to say that, regardless of gender, there are many stepparents out there who are "going there" with their adult stepchildren. Sometimes it is a cheating situation, sometimes not. Although it is a different matter, it can also be expected that someone going through puberty whose parent brings around a new lover whose gender is one to which the minor is attracted, may experience attraction to their parent's new lover.


In some places, there are laws against adults being with their legal stepparent.

The comment above was from an "honorary" or "functional" aunt, not someone who is an aunt legally. But the (potential, current, or ex) spouse of blood aunts and uncles would also fall under this category, as the label of "incestuous" would be applied by many even though there is no blood relation.

Adoptive relations are also legally but not biologically related, and may be considered by some (including in some laws) as incestuous if they get together.

Although we are not aware of any laws against it, some might extend the label to in-laws. For example,  John is married to Mary and something happens between John and Mary's mother (his mother-in-law) or Mary's sister (his sister-in-law).


It also happens sometimes that someone has two half-siblings who are not related to each other who get together. For example, Jane's parents, John and Mary, divorce. John remarries and he and his new wife have a son, Peter. Mary remarries and she and her new husband have a son, Paul. Paul and Peter would not be blood relatives or even legal relatives, though both would be Jane's half-brothers. If Paul and Peter get together, some might consider it incestuous.

Then there are less formal situations, such as relationships with longtime neighbors and family friends; or when a parent is dating someone their adult child's age, or when someone is dating someone their parent's age, especially when those people are friends of their adult child or friends of their parents. I recall a movie in which two women who were good friends get with the adult sons of each other. Such situations may (especially if double dating is involved) or may not involve latent consanguinamorous desires or lesbian desires on the part of the friends. Latent consanguinamorous desires can also be at play when siblings double date, such as when two brothers double date with their boyfriends or girlfriends.

Whatever the case, when they are consenting adults who aren't cheating, there's nothing wrong with people being together however they mutually agree. There should be no laws against it, and people should be free to marry if they'd like. The biological risks, which are way overblown, aren't there but many of the same benefits as consanguinamorous relationships are present, such as an existing familiarity, bond, and trust.

Some people like to say that family only exists through marriage, birth, and adoption, yet some of these same people would say these lovers are "too much like family" and shouldn't get together. It is a ridiculous double standard.

It's very simple. Let consenting adults have their relationships. Don't throw them in prison, don't bully them, don't discriminate against them.

If you're in a relationship that's anything like what we described above, please contact us and/or comment below.

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Allies Are a Thing

One of the most ridiculous charges against people advocating for relationship rights for all, including full marriage equality, is that they themselves must be involved in a relationship that is being discriminated against, or is taboo or forbidden. It’s ridiculous for more than one reason.

First, it is trying to smear the person by accusing them of... having relationships with other consenting adults. Oh, what terrible people, right? Loving other people! How awful!

But it also denies that there are allies who show solidarity for the rights of others, thus revealing how selfish and self-centered the person making the “accusation” is. “Why else would you spend time on this?” they might ask, even as they themselves put energy into perpetuating prejudice.

There were many people of all races, not just of African ancestry, people who’d never been enslaved, who called for the abolition of slavery in the UK and US, and demanded civil rights subsequently. There were people who weren’t women who demanded women have their right to vote. 

Whether or not someone has done something themselves, such as being in a relationship that is being discriminated against, or was born a certain way or not is irrelevant to the facts. Denying consenting adult their basic rights is destructive and unjust. It didn't make Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.'s call for equality any less valid because he was an African-American, nor were the whites who marched with him African-Americans (clearly!) The message was important and just.

Nobody who argues for or against execution for people convicted of murder has been murdered or executed. Nobody who argues for or against euthanasia has been euthanized. Clearly, it is possible for a person to advocate against discrimination even if that person hasn’t been discriminated against. It's called... caring about people.


There are people being hurt by right now by discrimination, some of it still enshrined in law. This is why we care. This is why we advocate for the rights of an adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race, or religion to share love, sex, residence, and marriage (and any of those things without the others) with any and all consenting adults, without fear of prosecution, bullying, or discrimination. You don’t have to be suffering yourself to support the rights of all. You don’t have to be aware of the people in your life who are being hurt in order for you to fight for equality. And we guarantee there are people in your life who are being discriminated against because of their orientation or relationship situation. So, if the only way to get you to care is to tell you the discrimination hurts people you love, well, know that!
 
Be an ally, not a bigot.

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'Mum, I can't lie – I did have a couple of sips at the party …": When does 'honesty' become 'manipulation'?

During the week I met a Mum and Dad who asked my advice on how they should deal with their 15-year-old son who had been honest about drinking alcohol at a party. Their question went something like this …

We have made our rules about underage drinking pretty clear and our son knows that we do not want him to drink alcohol at this time in his life. He has been going to parties more frequently this year and we have always trusted him to do the 'right thing' - he is a great kid! A couple of weeks ago after we picked him up from one of these parties he turned around and told us that he wanted to be honest with us and said that he had had a couple of sips of one of his friend's beers during the night. Whether or not he had more than that we don't know - he certainly didn't appear to be intoxicated on the night. We then found ourselves in a really difficult situation - he had broken one of our basic rules about parties, i.e., he was not to drink alcohol. On the other hand, we were proud of him for making the decision to be honest about what he had done. We're both concerned that if we punish him for telling us that he broke the rules (because that's what we would be doing, as we would never have known that he had the few sips he said he had), do we run the risk of stopping him from being honest again in the future, i.e., would he start drinking behind our backs? It seems like we're asking a lot but we want him to continue to be honest but also not break our rules. What should we do?

As I said to the parents at the time, I've had this question (or at least a version of it) asked many times before … Now, only you know your teen and where he or she is at in terms of development and only you know the type of relationship you have with them, but from where I'm sitting, this type of 'honesty' is classic manipulation.

You've really got to ask yourself why would a young person ever make a decision to divulge this type of information? As the parents said, they would never have known that their son had drunk alcohol that night, so why would he have told them what had gone down? Without a doubt there would be some young people who are intrinsically honest and would find it extremely difficult to break a family rule and 'live with the lie', but when it comes to 15-year-old young men and women I can't imagine that's what this is likely to be about …

Think about it, this young man wants to drink alcohol at parties (because as his Mum told me, he believes 'everyone else does') - he's asked his parents and they have made it clear they are not going to support that. To 'test the waters' he drinks a little bit and then owns up to what he has done. He makes it clear that he doesn't want to lie to them, and as a result, he almost guarantees avoiding getting into trouble for breaking one of his family's fundamental rules around parties. If he successfully gets away with this, he has learned that as long as he admits to breaking the rules (i.e., he is 'honest' about what he does), there is a good chance that he will be able to do it again and again - each time pushing the boundaries just a little further … Now it is true that his thought processes may not be as calculating as this, but I can almost guarantee that at some point when he asks for his parents to give him alcohol to take to a party and they refuse (the point where many parents will draw the line and say that's not happening), then he will fire back with something like "Well, if you don't give it to me, I'll get it from somewhere else and go and drink in a park!" (moving from apparent honesty to a threat) …

I know that many people will not agree with me here and that I appear overly cynical (and even quite jaded!) but I have met too many parents over the years who have fallen for this line and then come to regret their decision down the line.

Only you can make a decision about how to deal with a situation like this but I would advise that you tread very carefully when it comes to rewarding honesty over that of applying consequences for breaking rules, particularly in relation to drinking and parties. I don't know what it is about alcohol but it is really quite a 'blindspot' for many parents. I'm not too sure whether it is because it is their drug of choice or what but for some reason alcohol is not always dealt with in the same way other teen issues are … I know these are fairly extreme examples but consider this … If your daughter came back from a shopping centre and declared that she couldn't lie to you and that she had actually been shoplifting and had stolen a couple of small items from a store, I'm sure you wouldn't be proud of her for being honest with you! If your son all of a sudden decided he needed to tell you the truth about his cyberbullying behaviour, once again you would deal with what went down, not be thrilled that he had shared details of his 'crime'! If they are telling you what they did it is usually because they fear that they may get found out, what other reason would there be for a confession? Of course, there may be some young people who simply get an attack of the 'guilts' and want to own up to bad behaviour or some kind of indiscretion but that isn't the norm or, I believe, likely in the case above. If you think I'm being a little too harsh here, you don't just have to take my word for it …

Since speaking to these parents I have shared their story with a number of students (both male and female) at the schools I have visited during the rest of the week and asked their opinion on why they thought this young man would have admitted to the 'couple of sips' and could there be any ulterior motives behind his confession? Without exception the first question I was asked by these students was "Could the parents have told that he had been drinking?" and when I told them that I didn't think they could they were all extremely suspicious … Here are a couple of responses that I thought were particularly interesting:

• "He wanted to see how far he could push his parents and see if being honest was going to stop him getting into trouble. Lots of my friends from strict families told their parents they wanted to be honest and not go behind their back in an effort to be able to get them to give them alcohol to take to parties. Sometimes it worked …" (Year 11 female)
• "You're only honest like that if you think you may get caught … I think he must have something else to hide or he's using telling the truth to get something else!" (Year 11 male)
• "I never lie to my parents but I don't tell them everything! It would be very unusual for a guy to admit to drinking if he wasn't going to get caught. I think he worked out that this would be a good way of breaking the rules and not getting into real trouble …"  (Year 10, male)
• "You want your parents to trust you and you don't want to lie to them but sometimes you have to. I try to be as honest as I can with my Dad - I know that if I am honest about what I do (or as honest as I can be up to a point), I'm more likely to get what I want." (Year 11 female)

Honesty is incredibly important and, of course, you want your teen to tell you the truth. However, if a rule is broken, there needs to be a consequence - hopefully one that you have worked out beforehand, i.e., if you do this, then that will happen … Now, if all of a sudden you ignore the fact that your child broke one of your rules simply because they have been honest about their indiscretion, you are setting yourself up for an awful lot of problems in the future … 

So what did I recommend these parents should do? Firstly, they need to make it very clear to their son that they are proud of his decision to be honest with them about what he had done. Tell him that they always want him to be honest and feel that he can go to them at any time and tell them the truth about anything and everything. It doesn't matter what he does, they will always love him. That said, he broke a rule and, as a result, there has to be consequence. If a consequence had already been decided on (e.g., if he was caught drinking at a party then he wouldn't be allowed to go to the next one he was invited to), then that should be applied. If you believe the honesty warrants the consequence be modified slightly, that's fine but don't drop it altogether. If one had not been already agreed upon, ask the teen what he believes should happen. In my experience, young people often come up with great consequences - usually both fair and age-appropriate. Remember, this is not a 'death by hanging' offence - he doesn't need to be grounded for a month! Consequences need to be 'short and sharp' - drag them out and your child is going to completely forget what they did and only end up resenting you ... 

Do I believe that this course of action by the parents will lead to a subsequent tsunami of lies and deceit? Of course not! If they've made it clear that they don't support underage drinking and there will be consequences if he gets caught breaking the family rules, research suggests that he's less likely to drink and if he does, he will drink less. But he's 15 and if he wants to drink alcohol he is going to find a way to do just that. I could be wrong (remember, I don't know the young man and his relationship with his parents) but I believe he was most probably seeing how far he could get away with pushing the boundaries - if that is the case, it's important to ensure that he is made aware that simply being 'honest' is not going to mean that important family rules and values can be undermined. 

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Friend of FME Comes Out in Media

Although she wasn't really in the closet, a Friend of FME still would only make media appearances under some protection. She has now courageously appeared in the media again, this time as herself. Candice Fernandez and Hayley Richardson printed the story at thesun.co.uk...

A WOMAN has married her long-lost half-brother, despite it being illegal in the United States.

Debby Zutant, 50, from Key West, Florida, married husband Joe, 37, three years ago at a registry office after 15 years together.

I remember seeing the pictures. It was lovely.

The duo, who share the same father, claim they experienced Genetic Sexual Attraction (GSA) - a condition where people fall in love with their long-lost relatives.

GSA is happening more and more.

Debby was 35 and Joe was 23 when they first met in 2003, and Debby says it was “love at first sight”.

They had sex on their second date and moved in together within two weeks of knowing each other.

The pair hid their taboo relationship from their family for 10 years

It's too bad anyone would have to hide their love, or feel like they had to, but people often need to protect themselves and each other.
She had been adopted at age three. At age 35, she hired a private investigator, who found her biological parents, who told her about her half brother.

The following year in 2004, Debby finally met Joe at a family party in New York.

She says: “It sounds so cliché, but when Joe and I both locked eyes, it really was love at first sight.

“For the first time in my life, I felt like a whole person. It was like we were two missing pieces of a puzzle finally coming together.”

The next night Joe, also an artist, asked Debby out for dinner. Debby claims it was then when Joe confessed he felt the same way about her.

She says: “Before we went for dinner, I felt like I was getting ready for a date, I was having second thoughts because I couldn't get him out of my head.

Yes, this happens.

They ended up moving in together, but still trying to keep the consangionamorous part of their relationship hidden.

Debby says: “Whenever we had visitors, we would pretend that Joe slept in the guest room.
“And when we attended family parties, we pretended to just be brother and sister.

“Sadly, mine and Joe's dad passed away three years after we met, so he never ended up finding out about us.

“I only told my close friends, thankfully they all told me to just be happy and that they supported me.

It's great to have supportive people.

Finally, in 2014, the couple came out their families about their secret relationship.

Debby says: “I was a nervous wreck when I told our family.

“But it turned out a lot of them had already guessed what was going on.

“They all said that as long as me and Joe were happy, they would never judge us.”

What a great family!

People who marry their siblings face jail time of up to 15 years as well as an £18,000 ($24,000) fine in the US.

Outrageous! Laws discriminating against consanguinamory need to go!

They hurt nobody by being in love, living together, or marrying. Why deny them their rights? There's no good reason. This is another example of why we need full marriage equality sooner rather than later. Let's make it happen!

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Summer Salad

As it is getting warmer outside, the desire to eat food that is light, refreshing encourages. One does not wish to slave in front of a stove when it is hot outside ( well, I never slave in front of the stove anyways!) Quite often you are not even hungry! I tend to make and eat more salads during summer. This is also excellent for BBQs and picnics. It’s makes for a perfect lunch. The kids also like it. You can use any kind of dressing with this one. I like to use a basic vinaigrette. Sometimes I will use a raspberry vinaigrette. My husband likes to pair it with creamy dressing such as Ranch or poppy seed dressing. Either ways this is a salad that is simple and quick to make and something everyone can enjoy! I have made it 2 different ways: with fresh mozzarella cheese and watermelon and without! 

Servings: 5-6

Prep time: 15 minsCook time: 0Total time: 15-20 mins 

Ingredients: 

Romaine lettuce: 1/2 head 

Sweet peppers: 3-4 

Persian cucumbers: 2-3, sliced thin

Cherry/grape tomatoes: 8-10 sliced into halves

Watermelon cubes: 1 cup

Bite-sized mozzarella cubes: 1 cup

Dressing of your choice on the side.

Method: 

Wash, clean and chop the lettuce into bite sized pieces. Add this to a bowl. 

Slice the peppers thinly. Add to the bowl. 

Add the tomato halves and the cucumber slices. 

Top it with watermelon cubes and mozzarella cubes. 

Serve the dressing on side. 

Once served into individual plates/bowls, just  before eating, add the desired amount of dressing. 

Mix and eat. 

Enjoy! 

Cooking made easy:

You can add sliced red or white onion, craisins, walnuts and or sunflower seeds if you wish. 

Tip for healthy living:

Use as less dressing as possible with your salad. Using a low fat dressing like a vinaigrette is much healthier than a high fat dressing like ranch or Cesar.

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Vodka, vodka, vodka: Why is it so popular amongst teens and why is it so problematic?

The death earlier this week of a 15-year-old Sydney girl from apparent alcohol poisoning attracted a great deal of media attention across the country. According to media reports she had been drinking alone and returned a blood alcohol reading of 0.4 with the NSW Police stating that the girl "sourced an alcoholic drink recipe from an online site, then put the information to the test." 

Although there has been a great deal of speculation about what actually happened, as the police have made it clear that "the investigation is in its infancy" and we really won't know exactly what went down until the post mortem examination takes place sometime this week. A relative was quoted as saying that the young woman had consumed a bottle of vodka and early reports spoke about police seizing energy drinks, with lollies added to the apparent list of things that could possibly have been used in later stories. 

Until we know what actually happened I think we have to be careful about how we use this story when communicating messages to young people … Certainly NSW Police have already used the death to highlight the dangers of young people accessing and then using online recipes for alcoholic cocktails. Type 'getting drunk faster' into YouTube's search engine and you will be provided with 665,000 results - some of which are absolutely terrifying! This is a great message and a timely reminder for parents to be aware of the type of information that young people are able to access online but I hope we don't lose sight of the fact that, based on the reports so far, this young woman apparently drank a lot of alcohol and we must never forget that alcohol poisoning kills a number of teens every year ...

Regular readers of my blog would know that I have been involved in a number of alcohol-related deaths over the years. Sadly, most of these are usually are young women around the age of 15 and almost all of them have involved vodka. Very few of these deaths received any media attention, with the parents involved understandably reluctant to come forward and speak about their loss. Now I need to be very clear that we do not know whether this girl had consumed vodka or not but with a blood alcohol reading as high as has been reported it is highly likely that she would have been drinking spirits and, without a doubt, vodka is the drink of choice for young women who want to get drunk. If we do end up finding that vodka was in the mix, I just hope that the media doesn't become obsessed with the so-called 'drug cocktail' and focus on the mix of energy drinks and lollies … of course, accessing 'weird and wacky' recipes online is dangerous but so is drinking a bottle of vodka, no matter what else is or isn't added to it!

Many parents are totally unaware of the popularity of vodka until they hold a teenage party and start the big 'clean-up' the next morning, only to find empty bottles of the stuff littering their garden or hidden in various nooks and crannies around the place. So many Mums and Dads have told me that they didn't really grasp the extent of vodka consumption amongst young people until their son's or daughter's 18th birthday when suddenly the partygoers' drinking behaviour was out in the open. But in reality, it is as far back as Year 10 where we actually start to see consumption of this product become a real issue. Some of the early drinkers who were experimenting in Year 9 have now been messing around with pre-mixed drinks for a while and start to work out that if they want to get drunk quickly (at a cheaper cost), they need to dump the 'lolly water' and buy a bottle of spirits, with vodka usually being the drink of choice.

So why is it vodka that enjoys this popularity, particularly amongst young women? Some of the reasons include the following:

• it is seen as a 'cool' drink (mainly due to the advertising promoting this product and its target audience). Vodka is now marketed to a much younger age group than it was in the past. Where once spirit advertising targeted older men, drinks such as vodka are now closely associated with young women, the youth nightlife scene and partying
• they believe it to be free of calories (completely untrue). Like most alcohol, vodka does not contain any fat – but it does have calories, with a 'shot' of vodka containing just under 100. A bottle of vodka has approximately 2200 calories – more than a woman's total allowance per day, not including the mixer!
• it is undetectable (where they get this idea is beyond me - have they ever smelt a vodka drinker's breath?). The taste of many vodka brands can be more easily masked by mixers, like orange juice, than other spirits but it certainly does have a smell and can be easily detected on a young person's breath
• it is less likely to cause a hangover (unfortunately, true to some extent!). One cause of a hangover is the presence of 'congeners' and these are what makes alcohol dark, i.e., the more congeners, the darker the alcohol, the greater the headache the next day. Of course, over consumption of any alcohol product is going to lead to feeling unwell the morning after but vodka has less congeners than most other alcoholic drinks

When I talk about vodka to a group of Year 10s and tell them that if they are sharing a bottle between three of them they are drinking the equivalent of 22 glasses of beer you can literally see jaws dropping to the ground! They have no idea how much alcohol they are actually consuming. For many of those who are drinking in Year 10, particularly the girls, their lives revolve around a vodka bottle on a Saturday night. Three or four young women can drink a bottle of vodka in about 90 minutes and still be walking and talking (remember they don't experience the 'depressant' effects of alcohol like adults with fully-developed brains). As a result, many young people simply have no idea what they are doing to themselves when they consume these products and the risks involved with drinking large quantities when they are so young!

Interestingly, by Year 11 the 'hardcore' male drinkers have usually moved away from vodka. It doesn't take them very long to progress to dark spirits, with bourbon, whiskey and rum being the more likely drinks consumed by this age group.

The problem is that spirits are so much more dangerous than other alcoholic drinks, particularly in relation to the following:

• Spirits or premixed spirits enable you to drink more alcohol, much more quickly when compared to other drinks. As already stated, if a group of young people share a bottle of spirits between them in a session they are drinking the equivalent of up to 22 glasses of full strength beer, 22 cans of mid-strength beer, more than 2 litres of a cask of red wine, or more than three bottles of champagne. For many young people, if they tried to drink this amount of wine or beer they would find it difficult to do so quickly - unlike spirits they are 'self-limiting' to some extent, i.e., you drink, you bloat, you vomit!
• Due to the high alcohol content, it takes a comparatively small amount of spirits to cause alcohol poisoning or overdose. It is important to remember that it takes much less vodka, rum or whisky to get drunk than beer or wine. It would only take minutes to drink two shots of vodka (60mls), whereas for most people it would take much longer to drink beer containing the equivalent amount of alcohol (two 285ml glasses – 570mls), thus greatly increasing the risk of poisoning or overdose

It can be so depressing sometimes speaking to a Year 10 group and see those two or three small groups of 'party people' who are so obviously messing around with vodka on a weekly basis. They are usually totally unaware of how much they are actually drinking when they share a bottle of spirits and often don't feel any significant after effects the morning after. Sadly, when things do wrong with vodka (or any other spirit), they go terribly wrong. Drinking a bottle of vodka (or bourbon or any other spirit) is potentially life threatening, whether you're a teenager or an adult. If it doesn't kill you as a result of alcohol poisoning, the possibility of major damage to the liver and the rest of your body over time is very real!  

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Myth: It is Illegal Everywhere to Act on GSA

Reality: No it isn't. It is not illegal everywhere to act on Genetic Sexual Attraction by having consanguineous sex or a consanguinamorous relationship. There are many countries where it isn't criminalized and a few states in the US with no or only some criminalization of adult relationships.

Where there still is criminalization of relationships between consenting adults, those unjust laws must go.

It is important to keep in mind that even where consanguinamory isn't criminalized, lovers are usually still unprotected from discrimination or bullying. Also, full marriage equality is needed in order for them to marry.

Lovers should protect themselves.

Friends and family should help protect and support them.

Let's make things better sooner rather than later.

See Myth: People Only Experience GSA Because They’d Heard About It or Knew of Their Relation

See Myth: Acting on GSA Needs to be Criminalized, Prosecuted, and Stopped

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