If you give your teen two drinks to take to a party, is that all they're likely to drink? A group of 16-year-olds tell it from their perspective ...

Last week I got into a fairly heated discussion with some Year 11 students at a school I was visiting about a blog entry I had written about parents providing alcohol to teens to take to a party. Apparently when one of them had asked their parents to give them a couple of bottles to take to a friend's gathering (as they had a number of times before), they were told they were not going to be given any alcohol. They were then shown what I had written and told something along the lines of "Paul Dillon said ..." Now, as I've said many times before, I don't believe anyone can tell a parent what to do with their child in this area - you've got to make the decision for yourself. But when you've made that decision, whatever it is, own it! Firstly, to change your rules (i.e., provide alcohol for parties and then stop doing so for no real reason - this young man had not done anything wrong) is unfair and will undoubtedly lead to conflict. But most importantly, from my perspective, to put it all on me is totally inappropriate and, to be quite honest, demonstrates pretty poor parenting ...

Understandably, these students were not impressed! Considering what had gone down, they were incredibly respectful and polite. They could have gone on the attack but instead they just wanted to express their frustration and make it very clear to me that what I had written had affected their lives. The article they were referring to was one in which I discussed new Australian research that found that proving alcohol to young people is not protective and the best option for parents is 'delay, delay, delay'. The section that riled these students up was the claim the researchers made that "parental supply is associated with increased risk of other supply, not the reverse", i.e., if you give them alcohol, they're more likely to go and find more! They were adamant that in their case, this was simply not true - what they were given is what they drank, no more, no less!

Now I can only go by my experience over the years and what I have been told by teens about their drinking behaviour and when these research findings were released I wanted to shout the results from the rooftops! Finally we had some hard evidence that this idea of giving a 15-year-old a couple of drinks will result in them only drinking that much and could actually be 'protective' in the long-term was not true. Of course, there are always going to be some young people who do the 'right thing' and only drink what is provided but, we're dealing with teenagers and developing brains - even though they may have the best of intentions, bad decisions are likely to be made when surrounded by their peers in a party environment ... So when this group of five 16-year-olds (three young men and two young women) wanted to challenge me (and the research findings) I grabbed the opportunity to find out what they thought about this issue and what was actually happening amongst their peers.

As far as they were concerned, there were a few key points they believed that parents needed to be made aware of in terms of parental provision of alcohol. After I had taken those on board and agreed with them on most of what they said, I raised other issues and asked them to think about themselves and their peers and tell me their thoughts. To their credit they were incredibly honest and were willing to accept almost all of what I said ... I told them that I would be writing another article on the topic based on our discussion and wanted to come up with a series of key statements that they believed could assist parents to make a decision about whether or not to provide alcohol to their teen. Here are those statements, placed in order of importance according to those five young people:

• All young people are different and trying to come up with rules for teenagers as a group is unfair and is not going to work.  They felt strongly that they were often lumped into a group with kids who they felt 'did the wrong thing' and, as a consequence, their social lives were affected. A number of them felt that rules within one family could be different in some cases, with one boy believing that he and his older brother should have dramatically different rules. His brother drank to get drunk, whereas he only drank a little to socialize - the rules his parents imposed should reflect that 
• If parents want teenagers to develop into responsible adults, they need to trust them to do the right thing, particularly around alcohol.  They talked a lot about trust and how important it was that their parents trust them to make good choices. When I asked them whether they had ever lied to their parents about anything to do with alcohol and parties, it took a while but eventually all five of them said that they had ... Did they think they would lie again? All of them said they most probably would, mainly to protect their parents from knowing something that could upset them ...
• When parents do provide alcohol to teens to take to a party, some of them only drink what has been given to them, others do not. They were willing to accept that many of their friends certainly did drink far more than their parents had provided but this did not happen all of the time. It apparently depended on a range of things, including what type of party they were going to, if the teen was going to have to go home after the party or not and what other alcohol was available
• Some young people intend only to drink what has been given to them but when put into a social situation with peers can end up drinking far more. This was most probably the one statement I had difficulty getting them to agree with because all of them, particularly the young man who had initiated the conversation, insisted that they had never drunk more than had been provided. After a lot of discussion, all of them finally agreed that they had actually drunk more at least once, with a couple of them admitting to becoming quite ill as a result. The important thing they wanted to highlight was that this was not their intention (i.e., they had not meant to break their parents' trust) but it had to do with where they were and the social pressure of being around peers who were having a good time drinking more ... One girl also admitted that if she drank the two drinks she was given too quickly, she was much more likely to drink more due to her feeling a little more disinhibited
• In some cases, when parents provide low-alcohol drinks to their children, these are traded to younger teens and stronger alternatives are obtained, usually bottles of spirits.  The young men wanted to make it clear that when parents insisted on providing low-alcohol beers to 16-year-olds, they were rarely, if ever actually drunk. The girls said that it was a similar story for young women with low-alcohol pre-mixed spirits. Amongst those groups of teens who drank spirits, alcohol provided by parents was usually on-sold or traded to younger partygoers

The one thing I could not get agreement on was around the 'messages' that teenagers were likely to pick-up from their parents should they decide to provide them with alcohol. As far as these young people were concerned, the message they would be getting was that their parents trusted them enough to give them a couple of drinks. The problem was that they all admitted that they had broken that trust at some time or another and were likely to do it again. As much as trust is incredibly important in a parent-teen relationship, so is safety. Research evidence suggests that when we follow-up teens who are given alcohol by their parents the only real message that they takeaway from the experience is 'my parents gave me alcohol'. They don't report that it made for a more trusting relationship with their parent or that it taught them to drink more responsibly.

Most importantly, when these five young people were asked what other information their parents had ever given them when the alcohol was handed over to them on a Saturday night, there was almost no response. Most agreed that one or both of their parents had probably said something like "Be careful" or "Now you know that we trust you" as they got out of the car or left the house, alcohol in hand, but not one of them could remember an actual example of that type of conversation. All of these teens had, at one time or another, been provided alcohol by their parent and not one of them could think of one safety message that had ever been discussed ...

At some point you are going to have to trust your teen to do the 'right thing' around alcohol, but are you actually able to trust them to always make good choices and not make mistakes - of course not! Trust is vital in a positive parent-teen relationship but when it comes to your child's safety, it's not just that simple ...

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Why Do I Feel This Way?

Has anything like these ever happened to you?

• You wake from from an erotically charged dream, feeling strange or confused because it featured a close relative or family member.
  
  
• You're close to orgasm, whether you're alone or with at least one other person, and thoughts of a relative pop into your head, taking you to climax.
  
  
• You've found yourself admiring your relative "a little too much," whatever the setting or occasion.

If you have experienced anything like any of those, you're not alone. This is more common than many people think, because far more people have such thoughts than will admit to most people they know.

If we're talking about someone who recently came (back) into your life and you, they, or the both of you were essentially raised through childhood apart, then it could be reunion GSA, which is very common in such situations. See this page for more information. Most of this entry also applies to you, but is more focused on people who were always in each other's life, or for the most part have been.

Is It Normal?



Are sexual dreams with relatives or family members normal? Yes.

Is it normal to have fantasies or thoughts of getting together with a close relative or family member?  Yes.

Is it normal to think of a close relative or family member in a sexual or romantic way? Yes.

Is it normal to have feelings or crushes for a close relative or family member? Yes.


By "normal" we mean that there isn't necessarily anything wrong with you for having these thoughts and feelings and that they are very common, so much so that you know many other people who've had these thoughts and feelings, whether they've told you or not.

What Does It Mean?

You can have the above experiences without actually wanting to have sex. If the only thing you've noticed are dreams, then it might be that the dreams are only symbolic, not that you actually want to get sexual with your family member. There is also the possibility that the dreams are revealing to you latent desires, especially if you have waking feelings or thoughts and especially if the dreams, thoughts, or feelings are persistent.

In addition to any of the above sounding familiar to you, there are other possible signs you want to be with this person or these people as more than just family:

• You enjoy being around them and doing things with them. This might include evenings/weekends together at home or going out together in what might look like a date in the view of stranger, taking trips and vacations together, etc.
• You enjoy their scent, whether their hair or their cologne/perfume or any scent associated with them
• You enjoy touching them and touch them more than you touch other people; you might even look for excuses to touch them and be close to them, even to do something like tickle them
• When out on a date or with friends, you wish this/these family members were with you or you feel like you'd rather be home with them
• You're envious of their dates, especially if you think you'd treat your family member(s) better or they are dating beneath their status/quality
• The people you date or find most attractive resemble or remind people of your family member(s)
• You seem to be attracted to their friends (this, like previous one, can be seen as displacement)
• You want to want to hear about their dates/love life, whether from them or their partners (dating them vicariously)

These are just some signs, not an exhaustive checklist. If you don't recognize any of them in you, you might still have an attraction but if you do recognize any of those in you, especially combined with the erotic feelings and thoughts, then you likely have a serious attraction to your family members(s). The more you identify with these statements, the more likely you've uncovering the truth that you are attracted and you do want to have sex, or at least be romantic, with them.

Accept That You Are Attracted to Them


Does that worry, bother, or confuse you? As you no doubt know, and what may be troubling you, is that some people are completely averse to the thought of their family members, or, to be more precise, anyone raised together in the same home with them, as a sexual partner. That is because they are experiencing what is called the Westermarck Effect. However, not everybody raised together experiences this, or at least not strongly enough to suppress attractions to all in/from the home. People who weren't raised together don't experience this effect. And so while a taboo exists in many places when it comes to acting on these feelings, and many people at least partially internalize such prejudices, many people do act on them anyway.

What Do You Do Now?

Should you act on it? That depends a lot on your personal situation. This might help you decide.


Whether you pursue sex or a love life with another consenting adult should be entirely between you and that person. It is possible to have a mutual sexual attraction and to discuss having sex without actually doing it. There is no good reason why people shouldn't have their rights to such relationships, but you might personally decide it is best not to pursue a sexual relationship with a certain person. Sometimes, it is better to leave a fantasy as a fantasy.

"Why Am I Feeling This Way?"

Attractions can be complicated. You've seen people who have been head over heels in love with each other and you just don't get it, yourself, haven't you? Someone might tell you that you just need to get out more and meet other people. If you're young and inexperienced, they might be right. But on the flip side, maybe the reason you don't have other love interests is because you want this this person or these people more. There are also polyamorous or otherwise ethically nonmonogamous people who do have other love interests and sex partners and still have these desires for a consanguineous connection. It could be as simple as your crush being extremely attractive in general. Some studies indicate that most people are attracted to people who look like them.


You could be attracted to this person and that person just happens to be a relative. It is also possible that you have a consanguinamorous orientation, especially if people who aren't closely related seem to generate little spark for you.

A Note To Survivors of Abuse

Abuse victims do sometimes have these thoughts, but it isn't at all true that someone is only going to have these thoughts if they were abused. Quite the opposite can be true. Someone might have these sexual thoughts because this family member is so kind and loving, so protective and nurturing in contrast to the abuser. Also, it is possible for someone who was abused by one relative to have healthy feelings for another relative, just as someone who was abused by a supposed friend can have healthy feelings for a true friend.

See Jane's  Essay on Self-Realization
See Jane's Essay on Feelings of Guilt

See Also:

Consanguinamory FAQ
Let Dad Have His Fantasies
A Message to Family and Friends

You are also welcome to contact Keith at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com or on Facebook to discuss these topics further.

You can find others who've had the same feelings at Kindred Spirits.

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Possible Media Opportunity for Someone Consanguinamorous

If you're in (or considering) a relationship with a cousin or other close relative, and would be willing to interact with media, you might be who Amy Lang, a Director of Development for a television show production company, wants to talk with. She is considering creating a television series, perhaps along the lines of a documentary-style show (although nothing is determined yet).

If you or someone you know might be interested, you can contact her directly:

amy@natnine.com
Office phone: 818-563-1207

If you're too cautious right not to contact her directly, you can email me at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com and I can pass along your questions to her.

As we usually remind people when we pass along as casting call:

1) We don't vouch how you will be treated or portrayed. We're simply passing along the request.

2) Media producers understandably would usually prefer people willing to verify their identities and appear on-camera. It's up to you to set your boundaries as far as what you're willing to do. There are still places that criminalize relationships between first cousins, many more places that still criminalize relationships between closer relatives, and even where there is no criminalization there can still be discrimination and other negative fallout. California (like about half of US states) will legally marry first cousins, but Texas throws them into jail. New Jersey has no laws against consenting adults being together.

3) That being said, neutral or good portrayals are great visibility and help raise awareness and open minds, and let others know they aren't alone.

It's still very early. It's not like you are committing to anything if you contact her. Other other hand, if you've ever wanted to be on television, this might be you chance.

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Are you at risk of unlocking mental health problems from passive smoking of cannabis?

Can you experience the effects of cannabis by second-hand inhalation (like the risk of second-hand smoking with tobacco)? For instance I'm mainly worried about the possibility of developing schizophrenia. Can any of those effects be experienced or just general lung stuff?

You have raised lots of issues here. Firstly, it is important to note that the dangers linked to second-hand inhalation of tobacco (passive smoking), such as the development of some cancers, along with heart and lung conditions are usually due to exposure over a long period of time. Even though it can be pretty unpleasant if you're a non-smoker, you're not going to develop these problems simply hanging out with tobacco smokers from time to time. It's really long-term exposure that is the problem. So having lived in a home where both parents (and other family members) smoked cigarettes regularly could be an issue.

We have no evidence of similar problems for cannabis smoke exposure because no research has really been conducted in the area. Given cannabis smoke contains more carcinogens (i.e., compounds that are known to be associated with an increased risk of developing cancers) than tobacco smoke, it is reasonable to suggest that being around cannabis smokers frequently over a period of time could cause some health problems. This is particularly true for babies and children, at a time where the brain is undergoing rapid development.

You sound as though you are more concerned with the impact of passive cannabis exposure on your mental health. It is possible to experience mild intoxication from inhaling the cannabis smoke of others if you are in a very confined space that is not well-ventilated. This is more likely when the newer, stronger strains are being smoked as they contain higher levels of THC (the chemical that produces the high) in side-stream and exhaled smoke. THC has been found in non-smokers' oral fluid and blood up to 3 hours after being exposed to cannabis smoke and reported the same kinds of intoxication effects as smokers depending on their level of exposure (i.e., whether or not the room was ventilated).

Even so, could passive inhalation of cannabis lead to developing a serious mental illness? There are no reported cases of anyone attributing their exposure to second-hand cannabis smoke as the cause of their schizophrenia or other mental health issue. While the risk is extremely small, however, if you have any concerns about your mental health or know you have a family history of the condition, it is best to avoid any exposure to cannabis.

First published: April 2018

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Coffee drinking provides more benefits than harm

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Successful GSA Relationships

There is a split in the Genetic Sexual Attraction community, as I have noted before. I checked out a certain other site's posting with the same title as this entry. Below, I analyze what was written.

We often get this question- Are there any successful GSA relationships?

To answer the question... YES!

Are people in such relationships willing to do interviews that reveal their identities? Almost never.

Or the media will inquire about speaking with GSA couples living in the shadows of society afraid to announce they are actually reunited family members living as lovers.

I don't think many of those couples (or triads) are likely to keep in friendly contact with these negative naysayers. I know some who don't, and they ceased contact after they took over an established forum where people had long been contributing.

The more I work with the GSA community the more I hear about heartbreak and pain, because most often these relationships do not work.

Because that is that is who you attract! You take a negative attitude towards GSA and you offer sex-negative counseling for people who are having problems. What happy lovers are going to bother to come to you, especially if they have to pay money (leaving an clear, easily obtainable trail of evidence some ridiculous prosecutor could use) just to use your forum?

Most romantic/sexual relationships do not "work" if you mean by that "lasting for a lifetime and that lifetime not ending in the murder of one by the other." Most relationships break up, or most of us would still be in our first relationships. But there ARE lasting, happy, loving and very passionate relationships initiated through GSA.

Some have been able to maintain a romantic GSA relationship for a few months and even for a few years. However, these relationships frequently end.  And when they end the two reunited family members do not only loose their lover but they lose their family member.

What is this, middle school? As with other sexual relationships, some relationships started through GSA become nonsexual but are still warm, friendly, and loving.

Then they go on to narrow what they'd consider as "successful."

Is a successful GSA relationship when two reunited family members fall in love and embark on a romantic journey fighting against all the naysayers and making it work?  Or is a successful GSA relationship learning how to manage the feelings of GSA, not commit incest, and waiting for the feelings [to become nonsexual] to maintain a [nonsexual] healthy family relationship for life?

Why can't both of those be considered successful? They have set up a false dichotomy.

Is a favorable outcome in GSA one that involves; secrecy, lies, guilt, shame, anger, jealousy, hurt, pinning, depression, anxiety, and breaking establish marriages and families apart? Is a favorable outcome in GSA one that involves two family members living in secrecy constantly looking over their shoulders in fear someone will find out and report their relationship to the authorities?

These are the very same arguments that have been used against interracial relationships, same-gender relationships, interfaith relationships, on and on it goes. For many people, the only problem  other than little issues found in any relationship is the bigotry of others, sometimes included in laws. And sadly, these people are not helping that situation; they are making it worse. "Oh, it's the law. Women can't vote. Oh, it's the law. You have to give up your bus seat to that white man. Oh, it's the law. You can't buy contraception. Oh, it's the law. You can't love each other like that!"

So what about relationships in places where it is legal, and there's no "secrecy, lies, guilt, shame, anger, jealousy, hurt, pinning, depression, anxiety," or breaking families apart? Are they on record as being supportive of such relationships?

Choosing a path to commit incest with a reunited family member because of GSA does not lead to a favorable outcome as evidence continues to show these relationships do not work and it is illegal in almost all the States and countries.

Well, sure, if you ignore all of the evidence going against your bias, and again, those laws are discriminatory and should be dumped, just like other laws against consensual sex between adults. Consanguinamorous relationships are not rare.

A favorable outcome, a successful GSA relationship, is one that has respect, truth, kindness and joy not only between the two reunited family members but for the whole extended family system including spouses, children and other family members.

That's one ideal, sure, and that may include sex and even a spousal relationship. We can make that happen more often by eliminating or greatly reducing prejudices, including those expressed in law. Even if someone wants to avoid or stop a sexual connection, that is going to be easier to achieve without bigotry and ridiculous laws. The negativity makes things worse.

People frustrated in their own relationships might discourage others. People looking for widespread attention might suck up to the status quo in terms of popular prejudices. The fact is, though, that there are people who are in successful relationships that involve lovemaking that were initiated through Genetic Sexual Attraction and there's no good reason to discourage or discriminate against these relationships, legally or otherwise.

I recommend this forum dealing specifically with Genetic Sexual Attraction. For consanguinamorous relationships in general, whether they've involved GSA or not, I know of no better place than Kindred Spirits forum (but be sure to immediate read AND follow all of the rules or you'll be kicked right off.) The host service of KS has been experiencing technical issues, unfortunately, but the forum is great. Both of these forums are FREE to you.

We CAN make things better for people experiencing GSA!

It is up to people to decide for themselves and with each other what course their relationship will take.

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Transgender Day of Visibility 2018

Transgender people are everywhere. If you think you've never met a transgender person or shared a restroom with someone who is transgender, you're almost certainly wrong. You just didn't realize.

We want transgender people to know: You are welcome here. We care. We will continue to speak up for your rights.

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Why do parents lie to other parents? How can you keep your teen safe when those you trust to look after them don't always tell the truth?

You would expect that when you contact a parent hosting a party and ask specific questions about what will and won't be happening at that event that you would get an honest answer. As I am often told, this just simply isn't always the case!

I've talked about this issue a number of times before but since the beginning of the year I have heard from a number of Mums and Dads who allowed their teen to go to a party based on information they received from the host parents, only to find out later that what they had been told was completely untrue. Now, it is important to acknowledge that as far as alcohol is concerned, if young people want to get it into a party they are usually going to find a way, no matter what parents try to do. So if you have been told that the hosts are going to not allow alcohol at an event and then find out that one or more of the invitees has got drunk, it's important to remember that parents can only do their best ... That said, if you have been told that there will be bag searches or active supervision at a party, that is exactly what should happen. There is simply no excuse for hosts of a teen party telling an outright lie to parents of invitees. I have written about the following case in the past but it is well worth revisiting ...

A number of years ago I received an email from a distressed mother (let's call her Jane) who felt as though she had nowhere else to turn and simply wanted someone to tell her that what she was feeling was valid and absolutely warranted. The message has been edited down but the gist of the story is as she sent it through ...

"I have a 15 year-old daughter who is wonderful. She is now being regularly asked to attend parties and gatherings and having heard you speak a number of times at parent nights I allow her to go as long as I contact the host parents and make sure that I feel she is going to be safe ... Up to a month ago I have never had any problems - my daughter certainly doesn't like me calling but she knows that is the only way she is going to go so she is willing to put up with it. She was recently invited to a 16th birthday party at a friend's house (a friend I had never really heard her mention before - that should have set alarm bells ringing!) and I did my regular 'Mum thing' and asked for a phone number to call. When I finally got a number (the day before the party) I made the call and asked the questions. Will you be at the party? Will there be alcohol available? What time does it start and finish? All the usual stuff to which I got all the right answers, although thinking back on it, the mother did sound very stand-offish and didn't thank me for calling, which I nearly always get when I make contact.

I dropped my daughter off outside the house and watched her go inside and then drove off feeling pretty confident that I had done all the right things. Two hours later I had a phone call from her. She was in quite a state and wanted to be picked up (with a number of her friends) because the party had gotten completely out of control. I raced over and collected them, a number of them in tears, and found out that although I had asked specifically if the parents were going to be at the house and monitoring the party, they weren't. Instead they had left the party in the hands of their 19-year-old son who had invited a whole pile of his friends over. Alcohol was flowing (even though, once again, I had asked if alcohol was going to be available) and the police had been called. My daughter and her friends were terrified.

A couple of days later, after I had calmed down, I called the mother who I had spoken to before the party to let her know how upset I was that she had lied to me. I was told by her to "loosen up" and that there was no harm done and that she was the one who should be angry as it was her house that was trashed! She then hung up on me. Although the school was supportive when I called them they said there was nothing they could do - what happens on a Saturday night is not their issue. And even though my daughter's friends' parents were as angry as I was when I dropped them off on the night, they have told me just to let it go. I even contacted the local police and asked if there was anything they could do and although they didn't say it in so many words, once again, I was made to feel as though I was over-reacting and that this type of thing was 'normal'.

Is this normal and am I over-reacting? Is it truly okay for a parent to lie to me when I call to find out what a party will be like? I want my daughter to have fun and party with her friends but at 15 I need to know she is safe and my trust in people has now been well and truly destroyed. What do you think?"

Of course Jane was not over-reacting - if this had happened to me I would have been furious! As I said to Jane in my response, thank god she had a daughter who felt confident enough to make the phone call to ask to be picked up. Who would ever think it was appropriate to leave a 19-year-old young man to look after a girl's 16th birthday party? So many things could have gone wrong - there's issues around an ability to supervise appropriately, alcohol supply and all the risks associated with that and then of course the possibility of sexual assault.

Making that call to host parents in an attempt to find out what will be happening at a party can be extremely difficult. Your teen doesn't want you to do it ("You'll shame me forever!"), it's never easy to 'cold-call' someone you don't know and ask them questions that may seem to them as though you're questioning their parenting practices and, let's be honest, do you really have the time and energy in your busy life? It boils down to safety though - if you want to do your best to make sure your child is as safe as possible - you need to make the call! If you're going to 'bite the bullet' and do this, I believe you should never ask anymore than three questions (you don't want to turn it into the Spanish Inquisition!), plan and write them down and ensure you let your teen know what you are going to ask (there should be no surprises for them!). My suggestions for questions are as follows:

• What time does it start and what time does it finish?
• Will you be there and will you be actively supervising?
• How will you be handling the alcohol issue?

Jane did just that and she was lied to ... that's appalling behaviour on the other mother's part! It's sad but I continue to hear stories like this one from around the country where parents try to do the right thing and make the call and then get lied to ... Why would a parent lie to another about a party they are hosting? Is it that they simply want to appease the person on the other end of the phone and truly believe that nothing bad is going to happen and the parent calling will never find out about the lie? If they thought that what they were doing was right, why wouldn't they just tell the truth, justify their decisions and then allow a parent to choose whether to allow their child to attend or not? Or do they so desperately want to be their child's friend that they're willing to lie to others to ensure that as many people turn up as possible and damn the consequences? I'd love to know the psychology behind such behaviour because once you know the reason why they do it, maybe we could address it more effectively.

As already said, the only reason you are trying to access this information is to ensure you can make an informed decision about your child's safety. The good news is that as appalling as some parents' behaviour can be, many of our teens (like Jane's daughter) are able to identify when things are not right and respond appropriately, i.e., 'this is not a 'safe space', I need to call my Mum and get out of here'. As always, it comes down to the type of relationship you have with your child. Is it open and honest and do you have the type of 'connection' that ensures they feel comfortable enough to make that call when faced with this type of situation?

I totally get Jane's frustration - she was angry because even though she did everything she could, her daughter was put into a situation that was potentially dangerous and she can't find anyone to take responsibility for that. She trusted another mother to tell her the truth and then she was lied to - that's  hard to deal with. Sadly for her daughter, it most probably took a very long time before she was able to trust another parent again. The most important thing a parent can do in this type of situation is be thankful that nothing terrible happened - as I said to Jane, no-one was hurt. Grab that fact and hold it very close - so many things could have gone wrong but didn't.

Unfortunately, parents such as the one that Jane encountered are often 'serial offenders' they do this kind of thing again and again. This is shameful behaviour - they are not only putting their own children at risk but other people's as well ...

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Bea Mitchell Asks Some Good Questions

An article at pinknews.co.uk by Bea Mitchell is headlined with "Why can't gay or lesbian twins have sex with or marry each other? Why is incest wrong between same-sex siblings?"

To which we say:

1) Some do.
2) They should be free to.
3) It's not.

But let's get to what's actually in the article.

For one, incest is illegal/frowned upon/no good because of inbreeding. Children of biologically-related parents have a higher possibility of congenital birth defects.

That's Discredited Argument #18.

Although some anthropologists have argued that incest taboos are learned social conventions, they point out that even animals and plants have evolved and developed mechanisms to prevent incest.

Some have. Some are more likely to mate with close relatives.

It’s not just that it seems utterly grim to shag your relative.

Maybe for you. Not for everyone. For some people, that's what seems the best. Some people are consanguinamorous in orientation.

In many places, sleeping with one’s sibling is punishable by prison time, though others argue that ‘consensual incest’ is a victimless crime – providing the sex/relationship takes place between consenting adults.

It IS a victimless crime, where outlawed. No place should outlaw it.

Incest laws also exist in order to protect children from sexually abusive parents and older relatives.

Uh, child molestation is illegal apart from anti-consanguinmamory laws.

That said, in the interest of fairness and equality, if gay or lesbian siblings/twins fall in love and are legally allowed to marry or have sex, it’s not really fair if straight siblings/twins aren’t given the same rights just because some of them can reproduce.

Lets consenting adults have their relationships. It's that simple!

Where would the line be drawn?

Consenting adults.

She kept going back to the same discredited argument, which doesn't apply if they are unable to reproduce.

I was happy to see the article, though, because more and more people are realizing there's no good reason to deny full marriage equality.

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