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Monday, January 1, 2018

NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Polyamorous) Love #13

“This will cause inheritance disputes.” This can’t be a reason for the continued denial of the polyamorous or polygamous freedom to marry. Again, if we're talking about children, not all polyamorous marriages will have children. But even with today’s restriction of monogamy-only for marriage, we see inheritance disputes all of the time. Widows and widowers who were married only once get in fights with their own children, who may fight with each other. Then, in some cases, there are children born outside of that marriage. There’s divorce and remarriage with or without stepchildren or making more children, there are people who were never married who have kids, there are childless people whose inheritances are disputed, "monogamous" and polyamorous people who had children with multiple people without having been married to any those partners, on and on it goes. If anything, legalizing polygamy would make it easier to sort out inheritance. There can be default rules in the law, and people can come up with their own documented, legal agreements.

There is no good reason to deny an adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race or religion, the right to share love, sex, residence, and marriage (and any of those without the others) with any and all consenting adults without prosecution, bullying, or discrimination.

Feel free to share, copy and paste, and otherwise distribute. This has been adapted from this page at Full Marriage Equality: http://ift.tt/1K0B6Zj

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Polyamorous) Love #12

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Polyamorous) Love #14

Taking the Steps

I have frequently seen the question asked, “It is incest to date my stepbrother?” or “Would marrying my stepsister be incestuous?”

Romance, dating, sex, or marriage between step relations is not literally consanguinamory, but is often subject to the same prejudices, which in some places and cases includes criminalization, as consanguinamorous relationships. With Discredited Argument #18 not a factor, the excuse to try to deny others their relationships is usually Discredited Arguments #1, 3, 19, or 21.

Although someone may try to control our relationships, we can’t effectively control what other people do with their love lives and we shouldn’t try. We don’t pick who our family members love or marry. As such, sometimes someone is brought into our lives as a step relation, such as a stepbrother, stepsister, stepmother, or stepfather whether we like it or not.

Sometimes, we like it. A lot.

Perhaps the most common connection between step relationships is when adults marry and their adolescent or young adult children, who are made stepsiblings, find they are mutually attracted. The Westermarck Effect, which describes the suppression of sexual attraction between people raised together in the same home or close quarters, isn’t experienced by everyone but doesn’t have even a chance to be experienced if young people don’t meet or don’t spend much time together until their pre-teen years or later, as often happens in these cases.

Each of us is our parent’s child. If the person we share genes with and raised us is attracted to someone, is it really surprising that we’d be attracted to that someone’s child or sibling? This is especially the case if new stepsiblings spend time under the same roof, perhaps on a full-time basis.

There is no good reason why the relationship of persons A and B should prevent the relationship of persons C and D.

But what about when one person ends up having two lovers from the same family? That can happen if there is a relationship between a stepparent and a stepchild, including cases in which the stepparent never knew the stepchild as a minor. (As always, I’m talking about consenting adults in this entry, or minors close in age to each other.) Perhaps things didn’t work out between the stepparent and the parent, or the parent died, or there’s a polyamorous situation, meaning the parent is still involved. Sometimes, someone’s stepparent is actually from their generation or at least closer in age to them than their parent, due to their parent having entered into an intergenerational relationship. The important thing to remember is that we are talking about consenting adults in these cases. One person’s prejudice against intergenerational relationships or against someone having more than one lover from the same family should not have any control over such consensual relationships.

Relationships like these have existed throughout history. There are also other relationships that have meant someone has (or has had) more than one lover from the same family. Traditional polyandry usually involves brothers marrying the same woman, and many polygynous males marry sisters. Having both mother and daughter or father and son as lovers is a common fantasy, and does happen. (I have had my own experience.)

Someone considering a relationship with a stepsibling, stepparent, or adult stepchild should make many of the same considerations as I have encouraged people to make when it comes to consanguinamorous relationships, and, if applicable, what I wrote about intergenerational relationships.

Parents may not like it when their stepchild gets together with their child, but the parent should remember that it wasn’t the children that created the environment in which they found themselves. Isn’t it better they get along rather than fight? Anyone upset about step relations getting together should read this.

Family strife is one thing. Law is another. There is no good reason to have laws discriminating against adults for their consensual relationships.

Are you, or have you been, involved with a step relation, or someone who later became one? Tell us about it by commenting.

Facebook, OKCupid, and the Dilemma of Online Services

There have been grumblings in certain circles about OKCupid instituting or enforcing a policy for real names, instead of screen names, to be used. Facebook has taken steps to try to prevent people from using pseudonyms or screen names as their account names. This sort of thing has been an issue with other services.

These services have their reasons, such as collecting demographic information and advertising revenue, and also to try to prevent spammers, scammers, stalkers, bullies, and others with ill intent.

The problem, though, is that many people who don't fit the narrow, vanilla, cisgender, heterosexual, professing monogamist mold often rely on reaching out to others anonymously or with some level of privacy. That's because they face discrimination. Depending on where they are, they may be subject to everything from shunning and disowning by family, loss of employment, loss of housing, harassment and bulling, criminal prosecution, even violence, including to the point of death.

Gender, sexuality, and relationship diversities are harmless, but there are prejudiced people who want to do harm to people based on their gender, their sexual orientation, their relationships, their kinks, or their fetishes.

In a perfect world, everyone could be open and out about who they are and what they like, but we don't live in that world right now, so some people look to connect for networking, friendship, love, or more through these online services, while avoiding the bigoted judgment of their employer, parent, neighbor, or the threat of a stalking ex or rebuffed interest. The harder it is for people to reach out with popular services, they more they will be drawn to alternatives.

Have you had to deal with this problem? You are welcome here and you can comment anonymously below. or use a screen name. You an also private message me at Facebook and I will not share what you tell me. Fortunately, there are a forums for LGBTQ people, the ethically nonmonogamous, people with fetishes and kinks, and for the consanguinamorous.

NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Polyamorous) Love #12

“What about child custody and child support?” This is an especially flimsy objection to polyamorous (or polygamous) relationships. As we have noted before, adult relationships don't always involve raising children. Even so, nonmonogamous relationships between adults who are parents have always existed, and in most places, it isn't criminal to be nonmonogamous. So this issue is already being handled. Notice we could ask the same question about children from one night stands, donated sperm, surrogate mothers, affairs, brief flings, or supposedly monogamous relationships and marriages that end. What about children born to a woman whose husband wasn’t the man who impregnated her? All of these situations are entirely legal. A mediator, arbitrator, or court decides custody and child support disputes that aren’t resolved amicably. That would still be the case if polyamorous relationships had legal protections, including marriage.

There is no good reason to deny an adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race or religion, the right to share love, sex, residence, and marriage (or any of those without the others) with any and all consenting adults without prosecution, bullying, or discrimination.

Feel free to share, copy and paste, and otherwise distribute. This has been adapted from this page at Full Marriage Equality: http://ift.tt/1K0B6Zj

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Polyamorous) Love #11

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Polyamorous) Love #13

Merry Christmas to all of you ..It is finally Christmas Day before I could post this recipe.

It is the Holiday Season!! It is that time of the year when there are festivities everywhere! It is a season of giving.. It is also the season of meeting deadlines before the Christmas break. That with all the events happening, not to mention regular work, it leaves very little time to go on a baking spree. You still want to make stuff.. That's why I made these crinkle cookies!! The good news: they were a huge hit at work and everywhere I brought them!

The best news: they are super easy and a no-brainer to make. It takes very little time. The reason being that they are made from a red velvet cake mix by Duncan Hines. You can find the recipe on the box and online here.

Today I am sharing this recipe with you.

Servings: makes around 30 medium sized cookies.

Prep time: 15-20 mins Cook time: 16-18 minsTotal time: 30-40 mins

Ingredients:

Red Velvet cake mix : 1 package

Eggs: 2 large

Butter: 6tbsp, melted

Lemon zest: 1 tsp

Powdered sugar ( confectioner's sugar): 1/2cup

Cornstarch: 1/2 tsp

Method:

Preheat the oven to 375 deg F.

Line a baking sheet with parchment or grease it and keep ready.

In a bowl mix together cornstarch and powdered sugar and keep ready.

In a bowl mix together cake mix, eggs, butter and lemon zest until well mixed.

Pinch a little of the dough and make a 1 to 1.5 inch ball. I used an ice cream scoop to do this. Do this with all available dough.

Now roll each of the balls in powdered sugar mixture and place it on the baking sheet 2 inches apart.

Bake for 8-10 mins or until a toothpick when inserted comes out clean.

Cool on a cooling rack.

Store in airtight container when cooled. Stays fresh up to 10 days!

Enjoy!

I am sharing these delicious cooking at my dear friend Angie's Fiesta Friday #203. If you haven't partied there yet, you should. It is super fun!

Cooking made easy:

Keeping the cookie dough in the freezer for some time makes it easier to handle the dough.

Tip for healthy living:

Making snacks at home is much healthier and better for them than store bought ones.

Food for thought:

Christmas is the day that holds all time together. Alexander Smith

Please do share your thoughts. Your opinion matters!

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There are many reasons for this apple pie! My son has been asking me to make him apple pie for days now!! I have had the mini-apple pie pan that I have been meaning to use for more than a year now!! We went apple picking and even brought apples for the pie but never made them! I even got the crust couple of weeks ago but only on Thanksgiving Day did I eventually get around to making the pies! There is a story behind that too.. My husband was very sick on Thanksgiving day and was resting. The kids and I were pottering around the house with nothing much to do. When my son went to take a nap, I told my daughter that we should make the pie. We got together and made the pie.

Really, this pie was super easy to make!! Made me wonder why it took me so long to make it!! Anyways, when my son woke up from his nap and wandered into the kitchen, he had a puzzled look on his face. He said," mommy, I smell something good!!" When I showed him the pie, he was beyond thrilled! He wanted to eat one immediately. He was super delighted that he had his own personal pie!!

Believe me when I tell you guys that he did not move from that chair until the entire pie was all gone!! Isn't that just cute!! For me, the pie had served it's purpose. I had made 4 mini-pies. Of the remaining three, I gave one to my neighbor and brought two with me to my friend's place when we came for dinner.

I never realized that making apple pie was this easy! I would have made it ages ago!!

Servings: 4 ( 1 pie per person)