How Marriage Equality Supports Family Values and Morality

There are people who constantly make a point of telling us their beliefs that marriage is important for our countries, that being married is good for adults and for children, that commitment is good, that unmarried sex is bad, unmarried cohabitation is bad, that being a single mother is bad, and that marriage is needed to “channel male sexuality.” They cite with worry the fact that there are fewer married households now and more children being raised outside of a home headed by married parents. These are what they say “family values” and “morality” are about. Everyone should get married and only have sex and raise children in marriage and should go to church every week and enjoy “freedom of religion.”


Let’s consider some facts, at least how the stand in the US (your country may vary.)…

• Some people are gay, some people are lesbian, and almost all of them are going to be having sex for all of their adult lives.
• Some people are inherently nonmonogamous, and won’t be monogamous even under the threat of losing everything in their life.
• Some people belong to religions that promote a form of polygamy or polyamory.
• Consensual adult sex, gay, heterosexual, or whatever, monogamous, group, or whatever, is only illegal if it is consanguinamorous (in most states) or even if it isn’t, but still falls under anti-incest laws. Legally married or not, it isn’t illegal for adults to have sex with multiple adults they and perhaps their church considers their spouses, or complete strangers, including a different person (or two) every night.
• There are people in consanguinamorous relationships, some with children together, who would marry if they legally could.
• It isn’t illegal for one man to get multiple women pregnant at the same time.
• It isn’t illegal, in most states, for three or more adults to live together as spouses or sexual partners.
• A man can have woman carry a child for him as a surrogate mother and he can raise the child by himself or with another man or men. There’s also adoption.
• A woman can use donated sperm to get pregnant and raise a child by herself or with another woman or women. There’s also adoption.
• There are people doing all of these things, and they’re not going to stop.

Given all of these facts, if these adults could legally marry any consenting adults, and at least some of them did as we know some would, it would mean more of the sex, cohabitation, and parenting that is going to happen anyway would happen within marriage. More of the households would be married households. Fewer children would be living with unmarried parents. More people would have the benefits of marriage.

Given these facts, wouldn’t it be better for “family values” and “morality” and “freedom of religion” to support full marriage equality?

Full marriage equality would also mean fewer marriages undertaken solely for something like immigration purposes and fewer people being unwittingly used as beards for someone who is in the closet. Polygamous marriage even makes it more likely that young children can be with a parent rather than in day care, if that is something someone is worried about. Think about it; in many places families can't live on one income, but if there are three spouses, two can earn incomes while the third is home.

If “family values” are really about helping people, and reducing unmarried sex, cohabitation, and parenting, then people who use that phrase will support full marriage equality. It not, then we’ll know they’re really most concerned with protecting privileges for heterosexual, claimed-monogamist, Christians-of-only-some-denominations.[Note: This entry was first posted on this blog several years ago. It is still relevant. Nothing written in this entry is intended to be against nonmarital relationships or sex.]