Genetic Sexual Attraction is Not a Mental Disorder or Character Flaw

Since Genetic Sexual Attraction or Genetic Attraction isn't something most of the masses know or understand, it's easy for there to be misunderstanding about it, especially some seemingly sadistic (and I'm not talking about the good kind of sadism) bigots decide to verbally beat up people who have experienced GSA.

Reunion GSA describes the intense, overwhelming attraction a postpubescent person may experience after being reunited or introduced to a postpubescent close genetic relative with whom they've had little-to-no contact since about age seven or before. It can happen when someone conceived through sperm donation meets someone else who had the same sperm donor. It can happen when a woman meets the genetic father who never knew she existed because she was conceived during a one night stand. It can happen when an adoptee reunites with a birth parent or finds an aunt or uncle or full or half sibling. It can happen when full or half siblings were separated because of divorce as young children and raised thousand of miles apart, barely seeing each other until they're in their late teens or older. There are many ways for this to happen.

It's about the phenomenon experienced by an individual. That person may not even tell anyone else about this. It may or may not be reciprocated. If reciprocated, sex often, but not always, results. Trying to dismiss GSA as some deceptive synonym for incest is ignorance or a willful attack on persecuted people, many of whom had absolutely no say in the circumstances that have resulted in GSA.

How do we know GSA exists? How does one prove ANY attraction exists? By analyzing what people communicate and how they're observed behaving. After decades of case after case, it's rather obvious to someone who bothers to look into the matter that GSA is real. GSA almost always involves pain, discomfort, and some hardships. It isn't like there's this big incentive for people to wake up one day and decide it would be fun to put themselves in the path of massive amounts of bigotry, including death threats. Adoption organizations and discussion forums warn about GSA. There is a GSA-focused forum where acting on GSA is discouraged. They know it's real. These are not people trying to pull a fast one on anyone. This is not some game. This is about lives and families.

GSA is not a mental disorder. It's not a character flaw. It's a normal, natural reaction experienced by many (certainly not all, probably not even most) people in a specific set of circumstances. We know this because GSA has been experienced by...

• People who didn't know they were close genetic relatives
• People who did know they were close genetic relatives and had never heard of GSA
• People who did know they were close genetic relatives and were warned about GSA
• People with a strong religious/moral/personal objection to the idea of consanguineous relationships
• People with no opinion about consanguineous relationships
• People who didn't know they were adopted or had a close genetic relative they hadn't met
• People who knew all along they were adopted or had a close genetic relative they hadn't met
• People raised with both biological parents
• People with generally happy and healthy childhoods
• People with horrible childhoods
• People who've had positive relationship experiences
• People who've had one bad relationship after another
• People happily in a closed relationship to which they've remained faithful
• People unhappy in their relationship
• People who have no attraction to any other genetic relative or close family member who isn't a genetic relative
• Highly educated and successful people
• People without higher education
• People who've been pillars of the community
• People who've had a lot of trouble with the law
• Men attracted to women
• Men attracted to men
• Women attracted to men
• Women attracted to women
• (People of any sexual orientation, really.)

As with any other segments of the population, there are some people who experience GSA who have a mental disorder, but GSA has nothing to do with having that mental disorder; many people without a serious mental disorder experience GSA. Sexual relationships initiated through GSA, like any other sexual relationship, might include people with serious character flaws, but that has nothing to do with GSA. Like any other grouping of relationships, there are some sexual relationships initiated through GSA that involve abuse or cheating, but most GSA-initiated relationships don't.

There are GSA-initiated consanguinamorous relationships that have been healthy, happy (aside from dealing with bigotry), and have lasted until death. We personally know some, and you do, too, whether you know it or not.

Yes, people can avoid acting on their attractions, no matter how strong. But if they want to be together and are right for each other, why should they have to avoid it? We're still waiting for a single good reason they should be thrown in prison or otherwise discriminated against, including denied their right to marry. Someone else's disgust or disapproval is not a good reason people should have to deny each other and be alone or "settle" for someone else (which, by the way, is severely unfair to the person who is unknowingly taken on as a consolation prize.)

"But you have billions of other people you can be with!" says the bigot.

So what???

The American white man, Mr. Richard Loving, had many white women in the surrounding population he could have courted and married. But he married Mildred Jeter, an American "black" woman. That was illegal in many states. Those laws were wrong, as have been the people who have attacked such relationships. Consenting adults should be free to have the relationships to which they mutually agree, no matter what phrases are used to describe the relationships.

Having consenting adults loving each other isn't a problem. It's a great thing. To quote the songwriter, what the world needs now is love. Don't engage in hate pollution.

If you've experienced GSA, know that you're not alone and there's nothing wrong with you (well, at least not based on experiencing GSA!) You have friends in us.

If someone you know is experiencing GSA, please be kind and supportive.

If you want to help all adults enjoy their rights, please do.

There is some help to be found.

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Can Adult Family Members Bond Too Much?

I answer a challenge at this blog's sister Tumblr.

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We Get Hate Mail

In our latest bus sighting, an anonymous comment came in to this blog’s sister Tumblr. The comment and response are here.

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Raising the drinking age to 21: Is it likely to ever happen?

While I was overseas on business last week an Australian study was published that apparently received a great deal of media attention. Researchers from UNSW followed young people from 13 to 30 and found that "early patterns of drinking are not limited to adolescence but rather persist into adulthood and are associated with a range of alcohol-related problems." This study provides one more important piece of the puzzle when it comes to helping parents make decisions around their child and alcohol. We've long known the dangers associated with 'binge drinking' (drinking to get drunk) and parents are now far more aware of the importance of delaying their child's first drink of alcohol for as long as possible (i.e., delay, delay, delay), but this research has found that how often a teen drinks is also a predictor of possible future problems.

No longer can a parent say "Well, he only has a couple of beers when he goes to a party on a Saturday night. He never gets drunk" believing that this could be promoting long-term 'responsible drinking'. If a teen is drinking every weekend, even a small amount, that could be just as problematic as going out once in a while and getting smashed when it comes to later-life problem drinking. Put simply, alcohol and teens don't go together no matter how you look at it!

As I said, I was overseas when this research hit the media but I did hear that it got quite a run and questions were raised about what could be done about limiting the harm associated with alcohol as far as young people are concerned. Not surprisingly, the issue of raising the legal drinking age from 18 to 21 was once again brought up as a possible solution and, according to some people who have contacted me since, it became the issue of the day across breakfast television, radio talkback programs and social media. Researchers and public health advocates are asked to comment on the topic and discuss the evidence around delaying alcohol consumption and the subsequent response from Mr and Mrs Normal from the suburbs is usually varied - some horrified by the thought (usually harping on about the 'nanny state' and the like) and others keen for governments to make the change. These polarised views are what breakfast television and radio love ... but when it really comes down to it, is a change to the legal drinking age ever going to really happen?

My answer is always the same - absolutely not! So if it's never going to happen, why do we continue to waste our time even talking about it?

Let's make something perfectly clear here, if we actually looked at the evidence there is no way that we would allow anyone to drink until at least 21, and for young men it would most probably be 25 years of age before we considered drinking alcohol to be low risk. This is due to the increasing evidence we now have around alcohol and the developing brain. The interesting thing is that at a time when we know more about the harms and that we should definitely delay drinking for as long as possible, many parents are actually introducing their children to alcohol at a younger and younger age.

This is essentially why the drinking age argument keeps popping up - it keeps the issue of underage drinking in the public consciousness and highlights the risks associated with adolescent drinking

Why then do I think we'll never see the legal drinking age rise? Well, firstly and most importantly, most people simply don't support the idea (according to the latest NDSHS report the number of Australians supporting 'raising the legal drinking age' actually decreased from 48% to 42%). Not only do most Australians not support the idea, but growing numbers do not regard it as a viable option. Parents may be outraged at seeing young teens drinking but for many of them, when it comes to their own children, they don't necessarily want them to drink but often see it as 'just something all teens do'. The old – "I did it, there's nothing wrong with me!" mentality. Many Australian parents had their first drink before they were 'legal' and most do not believe that drinking at that time caused them great harm. If you can't get parental support for a legal drinking age of 18, how in heavens do you hope to get community support for 21? I just don't think it will ever happen unless we see a major shift in community attitudes and that's not going to happen anytime soon!

Secondly, we have to remember why the drinking age was lowered to 18 in the first place. Although some Australian jurisdictions already had 18 years as the legal drinking age during the Vietnam War, there were other states that had different laws around alcohol. This meant that some young Australians who died for their country during that war were actually unable to drink alcohol, a fact that many found unacceptable (a situation that the US is now attempting to deal with) and the law was subsequently changed.

The debate around raising the legal drinking age will continue (politicians love throwing a media release out about the topic when they want to divert attention away from something else that they don't want to talk about - they do the same when they let slip something about legalizing cannabis or the like!). Certainly we need to keep talking about the risks associated with adolescent drinking and there have been a couple of amazing pieces of Australian research released this year that have provided valuable information helping parents to make far more informed decisions when it comes to their teen and alcohol. We need to be careful, however, that we tread carefully ... Claims of 'wowserism' and the 'nanny state' are getting louder and louder. Even though we are seeing decreasing support for measures such as raising the legal drinking age, I still believe we have the bulk of the community on our side at the moment, push too hard though and we'll lose them!   

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Living Consanguinamorously - What To Tell The Children

A question many people in consanguinamorous relationships have is if, what, when, and how to tell their children about their relationship.

There is no one right answer because it depends on many different factors.

It will be great when we get to a point where it doesn’t even have to be a question, but since most consanguineous lovers are still living in places where such relationships face severe discrimination, often including imprisonment, it is a question some people have.

Most people in consanguinamorous relationships have children, whether they have those children together or by some other relationship or through adoption or third party reproduction, because most people in general have children, so this is an issue faced by many people.

Let’s consider some of the factors involved.


1) Do you live where such relationships are criminalized? It can be tough on a child to keep a secret. It is often best if they wouldn’t possibly reveal anything incriminating, and if that can be prevented from them knowing something incriminating in the first place, great!

2) Other than the law, how are things where you live? Even if you live somewhere that your love isn’t criminalized, you and your loved ones can still be subjected to hateful discrimination and attacks.

3) What kind of relationship do you have? If your consanguinamory is limited to what amounts to a family-with-benefits situation, that’s easier to hide from the children and a lot of other people as well. But if if you’re living as spouses, and your children think of you and your lover(s) as spouses to each other, and the children are likely to talk about you to others as though you’re spouses, that’s another matter.

4) How are you presenting your relationship, if at all? Do people know of your relation? A mother and the adult son she raised who have a “benefits” situation can easily keep that closeted. But if people know you are lovers but don’t know of your genetic relation, are they likely to find out?

5) Who knows what, and what is their attitude about it? If you have hostile, blabbermouth relatives who know all about it, and you can’t keep them from contacting your children, that’s a far different situation than, say, your approving parents knowing and being able to keep it a secret.

6) Are any of the children your joint biological children, and if not, were they around and older when you and your lover(s) got involved? A DNA test on a child conceived by you and a consanguineous partner can reveal your relation.

7) Are you or your partner a parental figure to any of these children? If a woman has a child by her genetic brother, uncle, father, or son and he’s thousands of miles away or he lives on the other side of town with his other children and/or stepchildren, that’s going to make things different than if you’re living together and he’s living as their father or a father figure. Just as someone being a parent or a parental figure doesn’t necessarily mean they are a lover to the child’s other parent, being a lover to the child’s parent doesn’t necessarily mean they will be acting as a parent or parental figure.

In general, children should be told things like this only on a need-to-know basis. If it won’t benefit them, they don’t need to know.

Will it benefit a child who is, say 11, to know that her parents are siblings or father and daughter? Usually it won’t.

As they get older, what they need to know might expand.

What concerns children above everything else is their needs being met. If they are being loved, nurtured, protected, housed, fed, clothed, talked with and listened to, if they are allowed to play and learn, and are provided some stability and consistency in their life, they will thrive. If they have a childhood like that, it really won’t matter to them, as they are growing up, what the genetic relation is of the adults raising them. Just about any child out there would rather have kind parents who protect them and are siblings than unrelated parents who are neglectful.

One of the reasons we fight for rights and equality is that it is harder to provide children with what they need when the parents are being discriminated against simply for loving each other.

Here are some of the possible problems and what people think might be problems people think about when it comes to telling or NOT telling:

1) If the neighbors or anyone else find out and aren’t supportive, it’s one more thing for which they might bully your children.

2) Children may be traumatized if their parents are arrested and prosecuted, and will be if they are ripped away from their parents. The good news is that, although people do continue to be prosecuted on many places, the overwhelming majority of consanguinamorous relationships never involve being arrested for being consanguinamorous. So would it be good for a child to worry about the possibility of something that, odds are, won’t happen?

3) A child may find out from someone or something else and confront their parent(s) with “Why didn’t you tell me?” If that ever happens, though, the parent should be honest: “Because it was of no benefit for you to know, but there were potential downsides to you knowing. What matters is that I/we love you and have taken care of you.”

4) Some people fear their child will reject them/their lover(s) or otherwise react negatively. Maybe you were rejected by your parents or someone else due to your love, or something else about you, such as your orientation or gender identity, and you fear that your child will likewise reject you. But...

This last one isn’t likely to happen if you’re good parents to them, and especially if part of that good parenting is that you raise them with healthy attitudes about sexuality and relationships. One of the reasons people (maybe even your own parents) bash consanguinamorous people is simply because they were taught to. Teach your child to be thoughtful and respectful and understanding. The earlier you start (age-appropriate, of course) the better. If you’ve got a 13-year-old and you just found the half sibling you never knew you had and have fallen madly in love, it’s probably not going to be easy if the 13-year-old has been raised with the attitude that consanguinamory is wrong (as some people who experience GSA used to feel!) It matters how your children are raised. You had no control over how strangers or your parents or your siblings (usually) were raised, but you have much to do with teaching your children and setting good examples for them.

So, if you raise them to embrace human diversity rather than fear it, to be loving and kind and accepting and sex-positive, chances are, things between you and them will be good. If you’re loving towards them, it usually isn’t going to matter much at all to them if they do find out that you and your partner(s) share genes. If anything, if they hear it is wrong from someone else they will likely be baffled that someone would say it is wrong. (Although, even the best parents can raise a child who goes down the wrong path and grows up to be an awful person.)


There are certain situations in which it might be helpful for the children to know:

1) They are getting involved with each other, whether it is youthful experimentation or a budding romance. Especially if they’ve internalized some of the prejudiced bigotry against consanguinamory, they might need to be assured that it is OK by their parents coming out to them as an example.

2) Especially if they are older and looking for a permanent or long-term partner (or have one or more) and are frustrated because they perceive their relationship(s) don’t measure up to the connection they see their parents have, it could be helpful to reveal to them that the reason your relationship is different is because it is one of double-love.

3) If the now-adult children express a romantic and/or sexual interest in one or more of you. Whether that bond will be added or not, it can be helpful for them to know the full reality of the existing or prior relationship(s).

4) They are well into adulthood and you think you might need their help in protecting you.


How To Tell Them

If you decide that your child should know, whether you have the luxury of tell them yourself or you have to clear up something they found out from someone or something else, it should be age-appropriate. You know your child better than anyone else does, so think about what generally concerns them and how they process new information. What kind of relationship do they have with you and your lover(s)?

Dependent children want to know "What does this mean for me?" They want to know how it has an impact on them. Usually, it won't actually change anything.

Point out to them that what matters most is that you and your lover(s) have been there, and will continue to be there, for them. What matters is how you've been treating each other and them.

Do not feel obligated to abandon your privacy. You don't need to answer every question they ask in extensive detail. Likewise, don't volunteer anything unnecessarily that would make your child uncomfortable (after all, many children spend at least some of their life NOT wanting to hear/see anything relating to their parents' sex life.)

You can provide them with general information about consanguinamory.

This page may also help, depending on how old they are.

Remind them that everyone has their own path and there is diversity in relationships; what is best for some is different than what is best for others. This is where you've found love and it really isn't anyone else's business to be concerned with.

And yes, do discuss, as appropriate, that there's still ignorance and prejudice against some love and that you've had to take certain steps to protect yourself and them.

Let them know they can keep coming to you with questions or concerns.

If you think it would help them for them to have something to do with this information, maybe they can support equality?


Some Odds and Ends

Unable to think of a single good argument against such relationships, haters might ask something like. “So are you their father or their uncle?” (or whatever the situation is.) The biological fact is, you’re both. However, people are generally identified by their closer relation. So if you’re socializing them as their father, then you are father, dad, or whatever. First cousin marriages have been common and legal throughout history and remain so in many places. To the biological children of such marriages, dad is also their first cousin, once removed, as is their mom (and, likewise, the children are first cousins, once removed to their parents.) But nobody talks like that. It is simply “This is my daughter” or “This is my father.”

[Please note we are generally talking about consensual (to be redundant) relationships and births, not assault. If your child was conceived in incestuous assault, it usually isn't a good to tell them that their conception was an assault. You should protect that child from the abuser if the abuser is still around, but the child doesn’t need to know the truth about their conception.]

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Swinging Around the Family Tree

I know more than one polyamorous relationship that involves close relatives. In some cases, a consanguinamorous relationship is involved, meaning the close relatives are partners, and in other cases, they are not with each other but are with the same person or part of the same polycule. Some famous male polygynists in plural marriages are married to sisters. Traditional polyandry in places like India usually involves a woman married to multiple brothers.

I’m always interested in hearing from more people in such relationships. I’m also interested in hearing from others who may or may not be in ongoing relationships, but have been been in sexual situations, whether planned or not, where a relative (blood, step, adopted, on in-law,) perhaps a cousin, sibling, parent, uncle, aunt, adult child, nephew, or niece was involved or at least present. For example, someone goes to a play party and is surprised to find their sibling there. Or maybe it was a private threesome with siblings or parent and their adult child.

Basically, I’m looking for people who’ve been to the intersection of polyamory or swinging or threesomes/moresomes (and those three are NOT synonyms, by the way) and family connections.
I do realize that many nonmonogamous people are completely opposed to consanguinamorous relationships, and I also know some people in consanguinamorous relationships think monogamy is the only right way. That is one of the reasons I’m seeking people who’ve experienced the intersection of sexuality with more than two people involved or present + legal or blood relation. I know some. I’m looking to hear from more.

And I’m always looking for anyone who wants to be interviewed or just wants to correspond who is, or was, in a “forbidden” consensual adult relationship (including monogamous ones) or now that faces cultural, familial, or legal opposition (interracial, intergenerational, gay, polyamorous, polygamous, open, consanguineous, etc.)

Please write me via my Tumblr http://fullmarriageequality.tumblr.com or Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/fullmarriageequality or email fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com

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A Cruel Double Standard

I've considered adding another entry to the Discredited Arguments page, because I've heard and read people say that people in consanguinamorous relationships (or step or adoptive relationships that have gone romantic) don't need the freedom to marry because they're already family. In addition to being as senseless as telling a woman she can't marry her sister's husband's brother (which is legal and does happen) because they are already family, the statement can bring up a very cruel double standard.

In many situations involving Genetic Sexual Attraction, the lovers are not legally family for the purposes of insurance, benefits, taxes, hospital visitation, next of kin, etc. because they were adopted into or born into (via sperm, egg, or embryo donation) different families. Also, in many places, when a married woman gives birth, the child is legally her spouse's child as well. What if, due to sex with someone other than her spouse, the woman's child is genetically a half-sibling to another married couple's child, and as adults they decide they'd like to marry?

The double standard is that, while these genetically related people don't enjoy the benefits of being family, in places that still have ridiculous laws discriminating against consensual adult incest, they are considered family and thus can (and are) criminally prosecuted for consensual sex or at least denied their right to marry.

You're not family so you can't get the benefit of being family. You are family so you are going to be prosecuted for having loved each other in sexual way. That's cruel.

As an example, if something were to happen to Melissa and she ended up in a hospital, her adoptive parents could bar Matthew and Linda from even being by her side, let alone making decisions about her care, even though Matthew and Linda are, for practical purposes, her spouses. She would be married to them if she could, but the law isn't there yet.

Those who are sharing, or want to share their lives as spouses or partners often do need the same rights, benefits, and protections as any other spouses, and there’s no good reason to deny them their fundamental right to marry. Also, marriage automatically provides for next-of-kin status, which is especially important when there is some discord between at least one of the lovers and legal family members outside of the consanguinamorous relationship.

There are many cruel double standards when trying to tell other consenting adults how to love each other. GSA or not, consanguinamorous people need discriminatory laws to be done away with, and need access to the protections provided by marriage, if they want them. This is yet another reason we need full marriage equality sooner rather than later.

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Consanguinamorous Youth

This blog is about equal rights for consenting adults.

But what about minors? It is dangerous to ignore that many minors experiment, explore, and get affectionate with each other. I'm talking about age peers. If an older person is coercing you, or messing with you while you (try to) sleep, that's NOT what this is about. Don't let anyone abuse you!

Much of this entry on how consanguinamorous people can protect themselves is relevant, as can this entry on living together.

This essay is a result of someone anonymous contacting this blog's sister Tumblr to describe a situation he had experienced in his life and to ask if there are any resources to help people who are currently in the position he'd been in so many years ago.

A subsequent message was from a teacher who had to report minors who've revealed their experiences with consanguineous sex, due to mandatory reporting laws that apply to people in certain jobs.

What do you do if you're in a consanguineous relationship or you thinkyou have a consanguinamorous orientation, but you're under the age of consent or not a legal adult?

Please note: Most of this entry is going to be strictly about how things are and practical situations, not about the morality of any given situation or actions. While we welcome all adults and anyone struggling due to prejudice against their gender identity, sexual orientation, or relationships, this entry is NOT endorsing or advocating underage sex or anything else illegal.



It is very important to remember that no matter how mature you feel or are, minors (people who are not yet legal adults in age) do not have the same freedoms and legal standing as adults. Unless emancipated, minors are the responsibility of their parent(s) or guardian(s), who have almost complete control over their life, even if some of those parents or guardians voluntarily provide wide freedoms and obligations to a minor. One bad thing about being a minor is that you do not have the same freedoms and powers as an adult. The good thing is that you’re likely to grow out of being a minor in a year, two, or three!

Practically speaking, even if you're a legal adult, if you're living in your parent's residence and/or financially dependent on your parent(s), you still have to deal with what they want, to some extent. Unless your parents are rarely home and/or are or would be supportive, moving out sooner rather than later might be the best thing for your relationship(s).

Minors in these situations, such as siblings, have two sets of the laws to consider: 1) age of consent; 2) anticonsanguinamory.

Age of consent: Laws vary from country to country and, in the US, from state to state as far as when someone is considered old enough to consent to sex. In the US, the age may be 18, 17, or 16. However, some states have "Romeo and Juliet" provisions in their laws that do not criminalize sex between an underage minor and someone else who is within a certain age.

Incest: While it is great to have laws against abuse (assault, molestation, etc.), "incest" laws in many countries and most US states still, unjustly, criminalize consanguinamory even though there is nogood reason to. A handful of states criminalize sex between even ADULT first cousins, so minors are out of luck in those states, and it is similar for siblings the 47 states that criminalize sex between adult siblings as well as adult uncles/aunts and adult nieces/nephews.


What Is Your Situation?

You’re Attracted, But “Nothing’s Happened” - Whether you’re consanguinamorous in orientation , meaning you are primarily attracted to one or more close relatives exclusively or much more than anyone outside of your family, or you simply happen to have romantic or erotic feelings for one or more family members, if you haven't acted on those feelings, it would be safer for you not to. Some wait. Some don't, because even if they recognize the possible risks and complications and generally respect the law, the hormones and raging and the opportunity to bond seems too good to delay.

You’ve Gotten Together

If you've gotten together, here are the relevant questions:

1) Is one of you pregnant?
2) Does anyone know that you have been sexually affectionate with each other?

   a) Have you outed against your will?
   b) Have you been caught in the act?
   c) Have you been ratted out to law enforcement?

If neither of those things (pregnancy or someone else knowing) have happened, it would be best they not for as long as you’re dependent on someone else, but especially if you’re a minor. If one of you has a working testicle and another of you has a working ovary and uterus, it can happen. All it takes is one sperm cell to reach one ovum, and that can happen without intercourse. There are many forms of contraception with various failure rates and various potential side effects/risks, including “Plan B,” which can be taken after intercourse or other sexual activity, and clinics, including clinics at some schools, can supply some of them.

Pregnancy

If there is a pregnancy, the legally allowed options, depending on where you live, include abortion, adoption (public and private), “safe surrender,” and raising the child. There are difficulties with any path and any choice can be very tough.

Three things to consider: 1) Raising a child changes everything and takes time, effort, and money. Depending on where you live, there are programs both public and private for the pregnant, as well as for infants, young children, and struggling parents. 2) Children are used as evidence of crime in cases of consanguinamory. 3) There is an increased, but still minority, risk of serious genetic problems.

Safe surrender laws are extremely helpful for someone who decides not to raise a child but doesn’t undergo an abortion. It means going through with the entire pregnancy, but since these laws allow you to hand over the newborn with no obligations or incrimination, it provides a legal way to avoid certain negative risks and consequences. In the US, different states have different laws; some will be more favorable to you than others, and it may be worth it to travel, even temporarily, to another state.

A family law attorney can arrange for a private adoption.

Since pregnancy can happen without intercourse (for example, semen transfers from a finger, sex toy, or even a turkey baster), it isn't irrefutable proof of consanguineous/underage intercourse, but some states have criminalized some of those other possibilities, too, and law enforcement may still proceed as though the pregnancy/resulting child is conclusive proof of criminal intercourse.

Outed

A pregnancy can out you. But there are other ways to be outed, including someone (especially someone hostile) finding text or images, or being an ear or eye witness to something. Please note that images/video of someone under the age of 18, depending on what's going on in the images or video could be a violation of federal and state laws.

Unfortunately, if you’ve been ratted out to law enforcement, you may be tried as an adult even though the law says you’re too young to consent to sex. Even without a criminal prosecution, law enforcement and/or social workers might force you to live apart, undergo counseling, and do other things you might not like. If at all possible, it would be best to have a good attorney representing you in such matters, and of course that is a whole lot easier if parents or guardians are willing to pay good money for one, which some might be willing to do even if they do not support the relationship. An attorney might suggest moving from one county to another or from one state to another (as the matter will typically be a county or state issue), but without an attorney advising you move, be very careful because there could be federal laws that will then come into play.

More people are outed to parents than ever prosecuted, and that can still be a problem, especially if the parents are prejudiced, repressive, or otherwise abusive. While some parents abuse their children by molesting them, or notice the sex appeal of their teen even if doing so make them feel guilty, other parents hate to think of their child, even their adult children, as sexual. So, finding out their children are having sex with each other or young aunt/uncle or a cousin can be especially upsetting, even more so if they find out by catching them in the act. Even understanding parents with no prejudice may take it as a shock. Parents may blame one person more the the other(s), depending on ages, genders, established dynamics, and many other factors.


Nobody Knows (Except Maybe Trustworthy Allies)

If none of the above has happened, then it is probably best to keep it that way for the time being. You may decide to come out (at least to a few people) later.

If you think you may be consanguinamorous as an orientation, it would probably best to hold off on announcing that until you've moved out or are able to.


Whatever is going on or not, you may want to date outside the family.


Make Plans to Move Out as Soon As Practical
Young relatives can share a new residence without raising eyebrows. So unless your parents are rarely around and/or are supportive, it would be best to ensure some privacy, even if all you can afford is a room in someone else's house or a small apartment. Depending on the likelihood of a landlord or roommates interacting with people who know of your relation, you might even be able to live as lovers.


Possible Ways to Find Help or More Information

It isn't easy for a minor who is consanguinamorous to find help. That's what inspired this essay in the first place.

Depending on the state, some people (such as teachers and health care professionals, for example) are “mandatory reporters,” meaning if they hear about someone under the age of consent having sex in general or consanguineous sex specifically, they must/will report it, just like they have to report suspected abuse. They may call it abuse and say that is why they had to report it.

Below I’ll list several organizations that are generally sex-positive and may provide some assistance, but IT IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER that I have no indication that these organizations or individuals in them aren’t hostile to consanguinamory and no assurance that they won't report you if you tell them you're having (consanguinamorous) sex.

You might want to approach these professionals and organizations cautiously, insisting you're talking about a hypothetical situation, or doing research, or "asking for a friend" (which people see right through, but still.) Avoid admitting YOU are having sex even if they clearly believe you are. I guarantee that anyone who has worked in such a capacity for a while has heard from other minors who are involved.

• Attorneys, especially family law or criminal law attorneys (some attorneys specialize in exactly those two areas) can be very helpful to consult.
  
• There are various online forums geared towards teens, including some with a focus on relationships and sexuality. The best such forums will tend to exclude participation from adults who aren't administrators, moderators, or contributors so that predators can't use them to get access to you.
   
• Planned Parenthood 
• National Coalition for Sexual Freedom
• The Center for Sex-Positive Culture
• Woodhull Sexual Freedom Alliance
   
• Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States (SIECUS)
  
  If you're LGBTQ:
• Gay, Lesbian, Straight Education Network
•  Gay-Straight Alliance Network

Can You Help?

If anyone reading this knows of organizations, professionals (therapists, counselors, lawyers, etc.) or forums who/that are “safe” for minors who are (considering) engaging in consanguineous sex to consult, please comment below (you can do so anonymously) or send an email to fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com

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We Get Questions

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