How Marriage Equality Supports Family Values and Morality

There are people who constantly make a point of telling us their beliefs that marriage is important for our countries, that being married is good for adults and for children, that commitment is good, that unmarried sex is bad, unmarried cohabitation is bad, that being a single mother is bad, and that marriage is needed to “channel male sexuality.” They cite with worry the fact that there are fewer married households now and more children being raised outside of a home headed by married parents. These are what they say “family values” and “morality” are about. Everyone should get married and only have sex and raise children in marriage and should go to church every week and enjoy “freedom of religion.”


Let’s consider some facts, at least how the stand in the US (your country may vary.)…

• Some people are gay, some people are lesbian, and almost all of them are going to be having sex for all of their adult lives.
• Some people are inherently nonmonogamous, and won’t be monogamous even under the threat of losing everything in their life.
• Some people belong to religions that promote a form of polygamy or polyamory.
• Consensual adult sex, gay, heterosexual, or whatever, monogamous, group, or whatever, is only illegal if it is consanguinamorous (in most states) or even if it isn’t, but still falls under anti-incest laws. Legally married or not, it isn’t illegal for adults to have sex with multiple adults they and perhaps their church considers their spouses, or complete strangers, including a different person (or two) every night.
• There are people in consanguinamorous relationships, some with children together, who would marry if they legally could.
• It isn’t illegal for one man to get multiple women pregnant at the same time.
• It isn’t illegal, in most states, for three or more adults to live together as spouses or sexual partners.
• A man can have woman carry a child for him as a surrogate mother and he can raise the child by himself or with another man or men. There’s also adoption.
• A woman can use donated sperm to get pregnant and raise a child by herself or with another woman or women. There’s also adoption.
• There are people doing all of these things, and they’re not going to stop.

Given all of these facts, if these adults could legally marry any consenting adults, and at least some of them did as we know some would, it would mean more of the sex, cohabitation, and parenting that is going to happen anyway would happen within marriage. More of the households would be married households. Fewer children would be living with unmarried parents. More people would have the benefits of marriage.

Given these facts, wouldn’t it be better for “family values” and “morality” and “freedom of religion” to support full marriage equality?

Full marriage equality would also mean fewer marriages undertaken solely for something like immigration purposes and fewer people being unwittingly used as beards for someone who is in the closet. Polygamous marriage even makes it more likely that young children can be with a parent rather than in day care, if that is something someone is worried about. Think about it; in many places families can't live on one income, but if there are three spouses, two can earn incomes while the third is home.

If “family values” are really about helping people, and reducing unmarried sex, cohabitation, and parenting, then people who use that phrase will support full marriage equality. It not, then we’ll know they’re really most concerned with protecting privileges for heterosexual, claimed-monogamist, Christians-of-only-some-denominations.[Note: This entry was first posted on this blog several years ago. It is still relevant. Nothing written in this entry is intended to be against nonmarital relationships or sex.]

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Cherry Iced Tea

It is sweltering hot here. Summer tends to be like that here. Sometimes I wonder if we especially feel it more because we don't have hot weather all year long! We wait for summer eagerly and then we are too hot! We are always looking for ways to cool down, which ends up being something cold to drink. I often feel that people end up drinking calories without even realizing it! All the store-bought or prepackaged drinks are laden with sugar and fat! I look for healthier, low calorie drinks to keep my family and myself cool. That's why I prefer to make the cooling beverages at home. Of course, water is the best way to stay hydrated, but sometimes, people want more than just water.

 I personally drink more of water than anything else! For those other times, I make varieties of lassi, smoothie, lemonade, daiquiri etc. This summer, I seem to be in the mood for iced tea! I have been making a lot of fruity iced teas! For some reason, I used to think making fruity iced tea was a chore! But believe it or not, it actually isn't quite so time-consuming and is quite easy! The only time consuming part is making the fruit syrup. The rest is a breeze. My way of combating this issue is by making the syrup when I am cooking other stuff in the kitchen or doing chores in the kitchen. You can make the syrup and keep it handy in the refrigerator to make the tea anytime you wish! The inspiration for my recipe is this recipe that I came across..

Make this tea and keep it in the refrigerator. You and your guests will both be happy!

Servings: 6-8

Prep time: 10 minsCook time: 30 minsTotal time: 40 mins

Ingredients:

For the syrup:
Cherries: 2 cups, pitted
Sugar: 2 cups
Water: 4 cups
Lemon zest: from 1 small lemon  ( optional)

For the tea:
Tea bags: 3-4 ( I used Lipton teabags)
Water: 500ml ( may need more for the pitcher).
Mint leaves: for garnish, 1-2 leaves per glass ( optional)
Ice cubes: 2 trays ( may need more depending on the size of the ice)

Method:

For the syrup:

Take the pitted cherries, sugar, lemon zest and water in a saucepan. Bring this to a boil. Reduce the flame and cook it for 15-20 mins or until the cherries have softened. Using a potato masher, mash the cherries as much as possible. Continue boiling for another 10-15 mins mashing the cherries in between.

Now strain it using a strainer. Let it cool. Pour the strained syrup into a pitcher or in a jar if you plan to make the tea at a later time.

For the tea:

While the syrup is cooking, you can prepare the tea. To do this, boil 500 ml water in a pot. Once the water comes to boil, add 3-4 tea bags depending on how strong you want your tea. Let it steep for 4-5 mins. Turn off the flame. Cover and keep aside to cool down with the tea bags in it.

Serving the tea:

Add both the tea and the syrup into the serving pitcher. Add 1 tray of ice to it. Garnish with mint leaves. Check for the sweetness. You can add sugar /honey /sweetener if you wish for more sweetness.

Take serving glasses, fill it with ice cubes until half-way. Pour the tea on top of the ice cubes to fill it the rest of the way.

Serve!


Enjoy! I am bringing this to  my dear friend Angie's Fiesta Friday#183. If you haven't been to her fiestas, you are truly missing something!! Her cohosts this week are Sarah @ Sarah’s Little Kitchen and Shinta @ Caramel Tinted Life.

Cooking made easy:

You can double the ingredients and make a bigger batch of syrup and keep it in the refrigerator. It stays good for 7-10 days.
The tea when made stays fresh for 3-4 days.

Tip for healthy living:

Homemade beverages are much better than store-bought ones as not only the amount of sugar in them can be controlled but there are no additives/preservatives in them.

Food for thought:

When mind is weak, the situation is a problem; when mind is balanced, the situation is a challenge and when the mind is strong, the situation is an opportunity. Unknown

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Myth: Genetic Sexual Attraction is Just a Fancy Way of Saying Incest

Reality: First of all, Genetic Attraction or Genetic Sexual Attraction (GSA) describes an attraction, not an action, and incest is an action. So GSA is not an synonym for incest.

Not all GSA situations involve sex. However, even when it does involve sex, by definition the people involved in reunion GSA were not raised together or by one another, so were not socialized and bonded as family while growing up.

It might be classified as incest in law and biologically, but it isn’t incestuous socially.

Reunion GSA describes a specific experience that does not involve people who have been socialized as family; sex may or may not be involved.

Consider a hypothetical situation.

See Myth: GSA Doesn't Exist or is Very Rare

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Teen brains and driving: The one 'request' all parents should ask of P-platers

As the eldest of three sons, I was the first to get my driver's licence. After the initial shock that I actually passed my driving test the first time (I am a terrible driver - my father says I don't drive a car, I aim it!), Dad sat my brothers and I down and shared with us his one rule when it came to driving, i.e., he never wanted for one of us to be behind the wheel and the other two to be passengers in the car. His explanation was simple - young drivers aren't experienced and accidents happen, to have one of his sons in a car crash would be bad enough, to have all three in that vehicle would be devastating.

Over 4 decades later I cannot think of a time when the three of us have ever been in a car together with one of us driving! For some reason the discussion we had all  those years ago just stuck!

This rule certainly did not come about as a result of my Dad's extensive knowledge of research in the area (in fact, I doubt whether any really existed back then), it simply came out of his love for his kids and awareness that young drivers are more likely to make mistakes. In recent years we have seen so much research conducted in this area and when you look at what we know now my Dad was away ahead of his time!

When you look at the Australian statistics around young drivers, and particularly P-platers, it is no surprise that parents are concerned ...

• 45% of all young injury deaths are due to road traffic crashes
• almost half of all hospitalisations of young people are drivers, another quarter are passengers
• young drivers (17-25 years) represent one-quarter of road deaths, but are only 10-15% of the licensed driver population
• a 17-year-old with a P1 licence is 4 times more likely to be involved in a fatal crash than a driver over 26 years

Most importantly, studies have now identified passengers and number of passengers as key factors associated with increased fatal crash risk for young drivers, with one US study's (Chen et al, 2000) results bound to cause great concern for any parent of a P-plater. As shown in the infographic above, compared to driving with no passengers, a 16- or 17-year-old driver's risk of death per mile:

• increases 44% when carrying one passenger younger than 21
• doubles (increases 102%) when carrying two passengers younger than 21
• quadruples (rising 339%) when carrying three or more passengers younger than 21

Interestingly, having an older person in the car seems to have the reverse effect, decreasing the risk of death by 62 per cent when passengers aged 35 or older are present.

These findings mirror those tragic stories of groups of Australian teens being killed in car crashes involving P-platers. Too often these involve three or four young people being in the car when the accident happened. As a result of growing research, as well as in response to the deaths that have occurred, we have seen some countries, including Australia, impose restrictions on the number of peer passengers young drivers are permitted.

I can remember when NSW first introduced legislation limiting the number of passengers P-platers were allowed to have in their car. I fought it hard! In my dealings with young drivers, particularly around drink driving, I have always heavily promoted the concept of the 'designated driver' and believed then (and still do) that the vast majority of teens would never even consider driving home from a party after drinking. It is important to acknowledge that some studies have found that having passengers in a car can have positive effects on drivers, although these are reduced the younger they are. Passengers can help keep drivers alert, help them navigate, operate the radio or other communication devices such as mobile phones and even take over driving when necessary. Limiting the number of passengers P-platers were allowed to transport seemed incredibly unfair to me ... I then attended a conference in Geneva and heard about some research that changed everything ...

A Dutch study found that the older a driver gets their driving licence, the lower the initial risk (Vlakvled, 2004). You could have as many lessons as you wanted but the earlier you started driving, the more likely you were to have a crash. If you started driving after 21, with fewer lessons, your risk of a crash dropped and further reduced the older you got. There just seemed to be something about young drivers that put them more at risk. Experience certainly mattered (and that is why we are seeing many jurisdictions continue to increase the number of hours learner drivers must complete before getting their licence), with crash rates over time being lowest for those who got their licence at age 18 and highest for drivers licensed at ages 30–40 (i.e., if you got your licence early you were less likely to have a crash later in life), but why was there this initial 'high risk' time?

There is now growing evidence to suggest that this could be due to brain development. Recent research has found that between the ages of 18-19 and 21-22 there is a 10 per cent reduction in accident rates, even when driving experience is taken into account. Gender also appears to be a factor, with three times as many males being involved in crashes. When you look at this data and match it to what we know about adolescent brain development, it clearly matches up ...

We now know that the brain doesn't finish developing as early as we once thought, with females fully developed at around 21-22 years and males much later (at around 25-26 years at the earliest). When you look at the crash data, it's at that age when you start seeing rates of crashes and casualties/fatalities significantly decrease. Yes, they're becoming more experienced drivers but they're also getting a fully-developed brain.

We know that several parts of the brain are used when driving. These include:

• frontal lobe – dealing with judgement and decision making 
• parietal lobe – managing information from all the senses
• occipital lobe - the visual cortex, interpreting visual information the driver receives
• temporal lobe – dealing with sounds heard by the driver
• cerebellum and other areas outside the cortex – controls muscle movement and balance

We know that the brain develops in a back to front pattern, with the frontal lobe the last to 'complete'. With that in mind, one recent study attempted to find out the impact of this development, particularly the prefrontal cortex (PFC), had on driving (Foy et al, 2016). The results were not necessarily surprising but incredibly important. They found that younger drivers had reduced PFC activity compared to older drivers and concluded that "the reduced activation in younger drivers may be related to prefrontal maturation which could contribute to the increased crash risk seen in this population."

What I found particularly interesting and important when it comes to messages for parents of P-platers is that this 'increased crash risk' was not necessarily due to less impulse control but insufficient perception and attention leading to driver error – i.e., driving had not yet become an "automatic task". Most of us as adults can relate to driving on 'auto-pilot' at some time or another, i.e., that time when you're driving along and all of a sudden realize that you're in the next suburb and you can't quite remember those three sets of traffic lights you must have gone through. As experienced drivers with fully-developed brains, we are able to drive on 'auto-pilot' and still react to sudden or unexpected events ... young drivers are unable to do this ...

I think we tend to believe that the multiple deaths that occur on the roads with P-platers behind the wheel are simply the result of passengers urging the driver to take greater risks, or being distracted by talking, movement or some other activity. Certainly, research has shown that 6 out of 10 young driver crashes are due to distraction of some kind, but it is now becoming more evident that brain development may also be playing a role in these tragic events. It doesn't necessarily have to be a group of 'lads' in a car that leads to an accident, having any same-age peers (no matter how responsible they may be) increases the risk of a crash because a P-plater does not have a fully-developed brain and driving has not yet become 'automatic' ...

By the time your son or daughter starts driving they are well and truly becoming young adults. If they are living in your home, they should still abide by your rules, but when it comes to driving, there is very little you can do to control what they do behind the wheel of a car once they leave your driveway. I reckon my Dad got it right, at least to some degree - he was thinking of his family and ensuring that if something went wrong he didn't lose all of us, what we know now is a little more complex ... For parents of P-platers I would recommend that you try to get them to agree to just one simple request when they start driving and that is as follows:

"Whenever possible, never drive with anymore than one passenger whilst on your P-plates"

Now I realize that this could be a hard-ask but it's certainly worth a try. When you look at the figures (and you can try showing them but realistically they're at an age where they just don't think it will happen to them!), trying to push them in this direction is well worth the effort. The vast majority of P-platers wouldn't even consider drink driving (their parents are more likely to do that than they are!) but they think nothing of having a couple of friends in the car and the evidence is clear that this is a significant risk ...

References
Chen, L., Baker, S., Braver, E., & Li, G. (2000). Carrying passengers as a risk factor for crashes fatal to 16- and 17-year-old drivers. JAMA 283, 1578-1582.

Foy, H.J., Runham, P. & Chapman, P. (2016). Prefrontal cortex activation and young driver behaviour: A fNIRS study. PLoS ONE 11

Vlakveld, W.P. (2004). New policy proposals for novice drivers in the Netherlands. Behavioural Research in Road Safety: Fourteenth Seminar, 194–204. 

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Check Out the Consanguinamory Wiki

It's here.

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Aunts and Nephews

More days than not, someone finds this blog by doing a search on something like...

incest, aunt nephew, how common
or
Is it incest to have sex with your aunt
or
Do aunts and nephews have sex
or
I’m in love with my aunt
or
Can an aunt marry her nephew

You get the idea. People are searching for information on aunts and nephews having a romantic or erotic connection or marrying. At least some of them are very likely to be aunts who are having sex or want to have sex with a nephew and vice-versa. It is a not-so-distant runner-up to searches about siblings having sex or marrying. Keep in mind that much of this entry also applies to aunts and nieces, and to uncles and nieces and uncles and nephews.



Around these parts, an “aunt” can be:

• A mother’s or father’s or grandmother’s or grandfather’s  sister
• A wife or partner or girlfriend of a mother or father’s sibling.
• A cousin once-removed or of some other degree who is old enough to be from the an older generation
• A family friend or friend of a mother or father

In the last category, it is an informal and honorary title.

Note that if a woman is an aunt because she is a sibling to your stepparent or a stepgrandparent, there’s likely no close genetic relation, and the same is likely the case if adoption was somehow involved, meaning your parent and your aunt are adopted siblings to each other. An “aunt” who is actually a cousin of some sort is likely distant enough to legally marry or to have sex with without threats of interference from law enforcement.

And, of course, if someone is an aunt by partnering with or marrying your blood relative, then she likely isn’t a close genetic relative.

Regardless of distance of genetic relation, an aunt and nephew getting together may be considered incestuous in the social sense and, depending on where you are, in the criminal sense as well. The concerns people have about adult intergenerational relationships may also come into play. If you’re at all familiar with this blog, you have seen that we think such stigmas and laws should be done away with.

However, there’s still the concern of cheating. If she is your aunt because she is in a relationship with your uncle or aunt, do they have a negotiated polyamorous relationship? Or if she is your genetic relation and she is partnered, is their relationship polyamorous or not? The same concerns apply to whatever relationship the nephew may be in.

I suppose there are many reasons why this is such a popular search, or, in other words, why aunts are interested in their nephews and nephews are interested in their aunts, in addition to what makes consanguinamory in general appealing to some people. It doesn’t seem to be as taboo as siblings getting together or an adult child and their parent, and perhaps an aunt is almost a maternal or sibling surrogate. As always, I’m talking about adults, or minors close in age to each other. Not all aunts are much older than their nephews. Some are about the same age or even younger. When an aunt is a sibling to a parent.I suppose consanguinamory is more common if the aunt is a parent’s younger sister rather than an older one, simply because that places the aunt closer in age to the nephew. Aunts often provide reassurance, support, love, guidance, and are more likely to flirt with their nephews without the same social disapproval as would be more common if the flirtations came from a parent. So an aunt can play somewhat of a maternal or big-sister role but without the disciplinarian or rivalry aspect. An aunt can take her nephew out for the day without raising concerns. They can be fun!

As for nephews, when an aunt is the father’s sister, a nephew may remind her of good times she had with his father, or wish she’d had.

It is possible that some of the people doing such searches are parents or other family members who either know or suspect something is going on between an aunt and nephew, and if so, they should definitely read this.

It is also of note that if a nephew reached puberty without the aunt being much of a presence in his life before then due, perhaps, to living out of town, then the factors involved in Genetic Sexual Attraction could very well be in play.

Finally, if you’re an aunt or nephew (or uncle or niece) who has some experience of this short (or would like to), you are encouraged to write an email to fullmarriageequality at yahoo dot com.

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The Lily

We've added a page explaining the Lily symbol. Our friends have had similar pages on their websites for a while.

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Coffee may prolong life expectancy

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We Get Letters

We get comments on the blog. Most we publish, a few we do not. The ones we don't publish have usually violated something stated in the instructions on commenting seen immediately above where you can leave your comment after any specific page or entry.

This one wasn't published because of the f-bomb. It was left after this entry.

This article it's a f---ing masterpiece. It shows how stupid are the moralists and it's arguments. In my opinion, the best place where I put the line it's: Consensual and healthy relations between adult persons.

Thanks!

Then there was one that required a little more editing. It was left after this entry.

Since everyone is sharing their stories I will share mine.

[Goes on to say when he was young a female cousin two years older than him played around together but never had intercourse, and that this went on for a year or three.]

Now I am 22 years old. Sometimes when I think of my cousin, this experience pops into my head. Obviously, when I see her nowadays we never talk about it. Everything is normal between us like it never happened. Nothing is awkward and she is a great cousin.

That's good. That sort of thing isn't seen as problematic as when there is some sort of coercion or pressure involved. It is very common for siblings and cousins close in age to experiment while young.

There were also plenty of comments that we did publish. Here are some.


This one was left after one of our entries about intergenerational relationships.

I just want to thank you for this post. My husband is 24 and I am 58. We are not only a gay intergenerational but interracial. He is from the Philippines and I am from the US. Our families have been nothing but happy and grateful that we are together. Our friends have been supportive. We do get the questioning eye when we are out and about in the world, but so be it. We have started a blog about this so we can connect with others to offer support and get support. We are looking for groups to join as we are a silent minority in the world. Again thanks. David and Gerome

How sweet! Thank you, David and Gerome. I'm glad you have supportive people around you. Wow, building bridges between generations and nationalities! The world could certain use more of that!!!

This comment was left after our most popular entry.

My mother and I started our relationship after my divorce. She had been widowed for four years. Our needs drove us to each other. More than 15 years later, we are still sexually attracted to each other, and we both agree that life is far better now than when we were married. It is true love that bonds us together.

Beautiful.

Someone left this wistful comment after an entry dispelling myths about sibling consanguinamory...

I am 54 yrs old and sooo want to make love with two of my sisters, aged 51 and 50.I have had fantasies about them for many years.

For many, it isn't a youthful phase. It is something that endures, or something they realize as mature adults.

Then after this entry about two men still denied their freedom to marry came this comment...

I met a woman who knew her sons were intimate as teenagers. She dismissed it as boys exploring, as she did with her sister and brother. She never imagined even after both were married that they continued the relationship. She happened to catch them when the family was on a cruise, but she was shocked that her brother and his son were also there. She confronted her brother later that evening , things spiraled and after more than 30 years they resumed the sexual relationship after he revealed that both him his son and her two sons were intimate with her sister and her husband. She lived for a short time with her brother after that. Her brother's ex wife found out and threatened public exposure if they did not stop. She was a prominent judge and her career would have been ruined. She described the relationship as the most emotional love and sex as more intense than any other ever.

Did  you follow all of that?

After our Consanguinamory FAQ, someone left this...

I am a 51 year old male in love with my mother. I have had an sexual attraction to hear for most of my life. My greatest regret is not at least asking her years ago. I think there was a time she may have said yes.

Regret can be so painful.

After our entry on whether or not siblings can marry, came this...

I think it's stupid to keep to keep two people apart when they love each other. I think this country is going to hell in a hand basket. My so-called half brother and I are in love. My father has seven kids. Four from the first wife and three from the other. I feel like I have lived a lie all my life. Our mothers have lied to use all these years. Don't they want us to be happy? I don't understand why. We just want to be happy. How can fix this lie? We want to get married. But until our mothers admit they lied we can't marry. How can we fix this. Makes wonder what else our mothers have lied us. We can't afford DNA test. Please help us! I'm tired of hurting inside. Thanks!

If I'm reading that right, they are hoping a DNA test will reveal they aren't half-siblings after all. But it shouldn't matter! They should be free to marry or simply be together without being bullied or made out to be criminals.

Also left after our FAQ and translated from Estonian:

I had a great love with my mother. I was 19 years old when I was having a mother and it lasted almost a year. Then I took my wife and married and moved to the other end of the country. 20 years later, I was at the mother's birthday anniversary in a large restaurant, and then walked home at night through the park forest, where there was one place for foot traffic with seat benches. We were there and reminded us of the times when the desire to have sex was suddenly gone. The crowd did not move at night, and we had a lot of time on the lawn again in our relationship. There is still a great affection and love between us. I do not understand why such a life is considered to be a slaughter, and not understand.

It definitely should not be considered a slaughter, that's for sure.

Another comment after the debunking of sibling consanguinamory myths...

My two sisters and I are in our 50s and get together at least once a week for a night of sex. Our spouses are aware and encourage our closeness.

What great spouses you have!

Here's  someone else weighing in on intergenerational relationships...

I have been with my husband since I was 24 and he was 41. That was many years ago I am now almost 41 and he is 57. We are not just from different generations but different races, religion, I was a small town girl he was from a city. I wouldn't trade him for the world. Sure we don't always see eye to eye. But we love each other and I will be blunt. Great sex life.

Good for you! Someone else who is building bridges!

Here's a comment left after this entry on Aunts and Nephews...

This was a great article! I'm always looking for new reads on this topic. I've actually spoken to you Keith through Facebook regarding my situation but I'll explain it for everyone on here.. I'm 23 years old and I'm in a fully committed relationship with my aunt (or possibility could be half aunt) I grew up in the states and never was raised around her nor did we have any contact. She has left her husband for me (she was in an abusive marriage) and that was the main reason to how we bonded so strongly. Although our relationship is hidden some family have a fair idea we believe. Since we talked Keith my mother now knows 100% I confessed to her. She thinks the age difference is not so good as well as the relative issue. (My girlfriend is 41 but does not look it and has a very young spirit) my girlfriend has also opened up about us to her rape counselor which I suggested she do to get advice and get it off her chest. I've now moved to the country she lives in to be with her... we are open in public about being together where we know family members won't be around and we are very happy although the presenting around cousins (her kids) and others is getting to her. I want this as much as she does but we're stuck in this pickle at the moment... just to note another thing... we are Polynesian and in saying that it is known for second, third, fourth degree relatives to be with each other but I don't think it is looked at in a good way. Tried researching it...but my aunt tells me it happens a lot. I would love some advice!

Finally, here's a comment left after the entry about whether or not siblings can marry.

My sister and I are close in age and grew-up together in the same house. We always wanted to marry each other even when we were just kids. I'm now in my mid 60s and have never been married. I couldn't marry the person I always wanted to marry. She's had several bad marriages, one was especially toxic. There was no Internet when we were young so I spent (wasted) quite a bit of time in the library trying to find a state that would let us marry. My sister asked our mother about us getting married and she just brushed it off as silly. Our mother knew about our relationship but she didn't approve. Her main concern was making sure our father never found out. We did come close to living together. We planned to move far away from everybody. We even picked out a house together. For complicated reasons that I didn't fully understand at the time, it didn't happen. After all these years with a heavy heart my advice to those who find themselves in the same situation is to just be together.

What we see over and over again is that people should not be held back from their love and experiences. Let people be together how they mutually agree.

If you've had similar experiences or know of someone who has, or if you're one of these people, you can write me privately at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com or you an leave a comment below.

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