Sunday, June 25, 2017

Tell Your Story

Are you, or have you ever been, in a “forbidden” consensual relationship?

Is one of your parents, children, or other family members in such a relationship, or have they been?

Are you the adult child of such a relationship, whether you were a biological child, adopted, or stepchild?

If you can say "yes" to one or more of those questions, I’d like to interview you. It doesn’t matter if the relationship is/was very casual, is a serious lifelong relationship, or somewhere between.

What qualifies as “forbidden?” While most of my interviews printed on the blog so far have been with people in consanguinamorous (consensual incest) relationships, I’m also interested in any consensual adult relationships that are forbidden by law, custom, tradition, community, or family and/or is subject to discrimination. This includes, but isn’t necessarily limited to, relationships with someone who is from an older or younger (adult) generation, or from a different race; gay or lesbian relationships; open relationships or marriages, relationships that include swinging, swapping, group, or polyamorous relationships; polygamous relationships or marriages, plural marriages, polyandry, or polygyny; and relationships often perceived as incestuous, such as between cousins, or Genetic Sexual Attraction relationships, or being with a close blood, step, adoptive, or in-law relative.

I’d like to interview you and publish the interview on my blog, and I can do so while protecting your anonymity.


What you get in return:

1. Loads of cash. Well, no, not really. I don’t accept funding for this blog and I won’t pay for participation. Sorry. This blog is a labor of love in every sense of the word. Also, I want people who just want to sincerely share their experiences, not someone who is will sensationalize for cash.

2. The satisfaction of knowing you are making a difference in the lives of many people around the world. People are relieved to read of other experiences like their own, and those who wonder about these relationships come away a little more enlightened.

3. Being able to tell of your relationship and experiences to someone who supports your rights and respects you.

4. A link to a website or profile of yours, depending on privacy issues.

The best way to contact me is via email. Check the Get Connected tab at the top of the screen or write me a fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com.

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Saturday, June 24, 2017

We Get Letters

Anonymous left a heart-warming comment after one of our most popular entries.
My brother and I have been together for 7 years. we love each other very much and we take very good care of our children. my oldest boy's dad abandoned us when he was small and my brother took over as his father figure. He is a wonderful guy and I can't imagine being with anyone else. Our family was not supportive at first. However, they have come around. We have a few friends that know, but for the most part, we just keep it to ourselves and everyone thinks that were married because we have the same last name.
Isn't it outrageous that in many places, they could still be imprisoned and the children taken away, just because they've formed a wonderful family against arbitrary, discriminatory laws?

We hope to hear more from Anonymous. If you want to share your story, you can do so by commenting below (you can be anonymous) or by emailing fullmarriageequality at Protonmail dot com knowing we'll never share more about you than you want. Your privacy is respected.

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Friday, June 23, 2017

Are schools really being swept up in a "drug epidemic"? Have things really changed since we were teens?

Earlier this week the Herald Sun published an article titled 'Victorian schools swept up in drug epidemic as hundreds of children struggle with addiction'. Not surprisingly it attracted a great deal of attention, being picked up by most media outlets across the country, with radio and TV jumping onto the story very quickly. It came out just after I had written a blog on the fact that fewer Australian teens reported drinking alcohol (which some people refused to believe was true) and fed right into the belief of some that if indeed young people were drinking less then that had to be due to the fact that they were simply now using more illicit drugs (something that is not supported by the data that we have ...)

So what about this story and the fact that according to the Herald Sun (and I would presume data they received from Victoria Police), police "have been called to investigate more than 450 drug offences on school grounds, or at school events, since January 2014" - what does that actually mean? Do the figures that were provided to the paper really mean that Victorian schools are being 'swept up in a drug epidemic'?

Now, before I get into what these figures may or may not mean, I want to make it clear that I'm not saying that we don't have a problem with illicit drugs in schools. As the Education Department spokesman Alex Munro is quoted as saying in the story - "Our schools are a reflection of our communities, and unfortunately, the problems that we see in our community sometimes affect our schools." It's a great quote and he's absolutely right - illicit drugs continue to be a problem in our society and it's no surprise that illicit drugs can be found in schools. That said, does the data provided in this story support the notion that Victorian schools are being swept up in a "drug epidemic"? Absolutely not! If that was the case we'd be seeing many other indicators such as increasing number of young people being hospitalised, more drug-related deaths amongst our teens, rising youth crime rates and sky-rocketing drug arrests and charges amongst our school-based youth. If any of this was happening I am sure the Herald Sun would be the first to let us know about it!

All the data we have suggests that use of illicit drugs amongst school-based young people is low, far lower than it was in the 1990s (where we have comparable data). That doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Drugs are certainly used by some teens and in some parts of the country there are real problems. Small regional centres, particularly in Victoria and WA, with lots of social problems such as high youth unemployment and poverty have been devastated by methamphetamine (or 'ice'). In other parts of the country there is just greater access to some drugs and, for whatever reason, the use of these drugs have been normalised. It's also important to remember that in higher socio-economic areas where teens have access to money, as well as greater freedom in many cases, drugs like ecstasy and cocaine are increasingly being regarded as just part of what you do when you socialise.

So what do these police figures actually mean? At this point I need to say that I have not been able to access the data that the Herald Sun was provided. Based on similar data released from other states in the past, however, here are some important things to consider when trying to interpret what police investigating 'drug offences' on school grounds could really mean ...

Firstly, it needs to be stated that schools now have a legal obligation to contact the police should they find what they believe to be an illegal drug on the school grounds, regardless of whether the drug has been brought into the school by a student, an adult or whoever. If a drug or drug paraphernalia (e.g., a bong or an ice pipe) is found at a school on a Monday morning after a weekend, police need to be called. When the police are called to a school to investigate a drug issue it doesn't necessarily mean a student was using a drug or even found with one. As the article states - "Some of the drug offences had been committed by older perpetrators, who were caught dealing and using within the school grounds."

In many of these cases (particularly those involving primary school children) I can almost guarantee that the police were called because a child had brought a drug to school that they had found lying around at home. When I was a primary school teacher in the early 80s I can remember a couple of occasions over the years where very young students (Years 1 and 2) brought in drugs or paraphernalia for 'show-and-tell'. I can't imagine that has changed, although there would now be a greater range of drugs or equipment some children may now find. In the article the police are quoted as saying that "Kids aged 11, 12, 13 have been picked up with ice pipes on them" - without a doubt there would be some cases (particularly in areas with lots of social problems and disadvantage) where you may see drugs being used by this age group (many of these have been well-documented by the media), but for the most part children bringing pipes to schools would simply be doing that - bringing them to school - they're certainly not planning to use them!

What I found most interesting in the piece is the reluctance of the reporter to mention the word 'cannabis'. He talks about teens being caught with ketamine (twice!), LSD, ice, "dangerous new synthetic drugs", as well as ecstasy, but fails to mention the illicit drug that we know is most likely to be used by school-based young people. Now, as I have already said, I don't have access to the data that the Herald Sun was provided but I can almost guarantee that cannabis was the number one drug that police were called to deal with in schools. I can also tell you that if there had been a significant number of ice-related incidents the paper would have reported the actual number - there weren't that many, so they just made sure to mention that it was in the mix. In 2015 the Sydney's Daily Telegraph published a very similar story about police responding to drug-related incidents in schools. Once again, they highlighted the sensational, but at least they acknowledged that 75% of all the incidents were cannabis-related. Now I'm not trying to downplay the cannabis issue - it's an illegal drug, but you need to ask yourself why didn't the reporter mention it in the story ... It's simple, the other drugs sound so much more frightening and will grab attention. Cannabis is a drug that some readers may have used during their teens, it's not scary enough - let's throw in ketamine (twice!), parents reading the article won't know what that is and that's going to have more of an impact! Sad but true!

The article states that "drug-dealing charges have been laid in 78 cases". It is not clear whether they were school students or not. This, once again, feeds into the myth that there is a lot of drug dealing going on in school grounds. I get contacted by many parents who "have heard stories" of dealing going on, only to have their concerns confirmed when some students (usually Year 9s) have been suspended or expelled. It is important to acknowledge, however, that many of these students who get caught bringing cannabis to school are just 'silly kids' - we're not talking high-level drug dealers here. These teens usually don't have a lot of friends and are able to access the drug in some way (e.g., steal it from an older brother or parent) and simply take it to school to impress a group of their peers. In many cases, there was no actual 'dealing' and some of those involved had rarely, if ever, actually used the drug. They just wanted to make friends, made a stupid decision and then found themselves in great trouble. As much as the article talks about "sophisticated rackets" being uncovered (and without doubt that sometimes happens), for the most part it's just 'silly kids'.

In addition, the reporter throws sentences around like "some children have landed in hospital after taking drugs on school camps" - no numbers are given or what drugs were involved. If you're going to report a story like this, provide all the data - don't 'cherry-pick' it and try to terrify people ... No parent wants their child to be exposed to drugs when they go to schools and this story plays right into all those fears Mums and Dads have in this area.

Drugs have always found their way into schools. I went to a Catholic boys' school in Perth in the early to mid 1970s and I remember wondering why on earth a group of my peers in Year 7 were sitting at a bus stop spraying 'Pure and Simple' into a brown paper bag and then passing it around to sniff it. As for illicit drugs, I first saw cannabis in Year 9 in Brother Alphonsus's Social Studies class when someone handed me a matchbox and told me to pass it to the boy sitting next to me. I opened it up and saw a box full of what I thought was lawn clippings! It was also well known across the school that cannabis grew down by the school swimming pool. The group of older boys who planted and sold it had a thriving business ... None of my friends were involved in that scene at all - it simply wasn't a part of our lives and that's exactly the same today. Yes, there will be some who will get involved but the majority won't...

When I taught in the early 1980s I worked in a particularly tough school in a lower socio-economic part of Perth for a couple of years and we would often have to confiscate tins with small amounts of petrol or other products from Year 4s and 5s that they would bring from home, planning to sniff them at recess or lunchtime. I can also remember being given a small foil of cannabis by a Year 5 student I taught who had found it in the playground. My memory is that the principal simply flushed it down the toilet - we didn't call the police. That just wouldn't happen today ...

What has certainly changed is the range of drugs that are now available, as well as access. In addition to ecstasy/MDMA, amphetamine and other drugs that may not have been as popular or accessible when we were young, GHB and ketamine have been added to the mix. When you add the growing number of emerging psychoactive substances (EPS) or 'synthetic drugs' that are now around, together with easy online access to substances, it's not surprising that there is a great deal of fear in this area. It is important to remember, however, that most school-based young people don't use these substances - once they leave (or become disengaged from) school, that all changes and changes quickly - but while they're at school, for the most part they are protected.

I am fully aware that if a person reading this believes that drugs are spiralling out of control in our schools and classrooms, nothing I am going to say is going to change their mind ... The fact that police have to be called to schools to investigate drug offences at all, of course is a concern and, in a perfect world, it wouldn't happen. Unfortunately, we don't live in a perfect world and drugs are around and can be accessed by young people.

What I find offensive is the headline and the reinforcement of the belief by many that today's young people are so much worse than previous generations, not only in the area of alcohol and other drugs but almost everything! There is certainly illicit drug use amongst some of our school-based young people and a small number who get themselves into great difficulty as a result of their drug use. But that is not a new thing - it's always been there and there is no evidence to suggest that the situation has changed dramatically in recent years (in fact, the reverse is true - illicit drug use has reduced!). Yes, there is a greater range of drugs available today and increased access, mainly due to the internet, but most of our school-based young people make good choices in this area ... but don't let that get in the way of a good headline!

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Very Berry Smoothie; Vegan; Meatless Monday!







It finally feels like summer here!! Well actually too much summer!! It is officially not summer yet!!😩😩 It was so hot all weekend long!! I couldn't bear it! All I did was drink fluids all weekend long. I didn't feel like eating anything due to the heat. 





I made this mixed berry smoothie using the berries I had in my refrigerator. This is the season for berries and I have atleast 2-3 kinds on hand all the time. The kids love yo munch on berries and I use them in my oatmeal. For the smoothie I used some overripe strawberries, blueberries and raspberries. I added a whole banana to give the smoothie thickness and sweetness. Just to be extra sure, I threw in a tablespoon of honey. I am aware that smoothies are made with milk but I blended the whole thing with water. You could use coconut water to give additional sweetness or to substitute for honey. You could strain it if you wish. I didn't strain it! The kids and hubby loved it! I am sure I will make this all summer long! It is a great way to get people who don't eat fruits to eat fruits! My son couldn't keep his hands off!


Servings: makes four 8 oz glasses 


Prep time: 5 minsCook time: 0 mins Total time: 5 mins 


Ingredients : 


Strawberries: 1 cup,hulled, washed and drained. 
Blueberries: 1 cup, hulled, washed and drained. 
Raspberries: 1 cup, hulled, washed and drained. 
Banana: 1, large
Honey/Agave : 1 tbsp
Water: 2 cups ( can add more depending on desired thickness)
Ice: 1+ 1 cup

Method:


Add all the above ingredients except 1 cup ice, to a blender. Pulse and blend for 1 minute.

Divide 1 cup ice between 4 cups. Pour the smoothie until desired level. Garnish with a fresh strawberry.

Serve chilled!

Enjoy!! I am sharing this with my dear friends at Angie's Fiesta Friday#177Your cohosts this week are Ai @ Ai Made It For You and Jhuls @ The Not So Creative Cook.

Cooking made easy: 

If you cannot be bothered with washing and cleaning the berries, you can use frozen berries. They usually come in a mixed bag and are perfect for smoothies! All you have to do is throw them in a blender! 

You can add soy/almond/coconut milk if you are vegan and regular milk if you are not. It makes for a great filling breakfast substitute. 


Tip for healthy living: 

Always wash berries just before using them. Soak them for 5 mins in cold water with a few drops of vinegar in it. This apparently helps clean most impurities. Then drain on paper towels.

Food for thought :

Fear is the mother of foresight. Thomas Hardy




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Consanguinamory is Not Sick

As this blog and others have repeatedly shown, there is no good reason to keep laws, discrimination, or stigmas against consanguinamory (consanguineous or consensual incest sex or relationships) that is consistently applied to other relationships. One of the grasping-at-straws assertions that one might make when all of their justifications for denying rights fails is "people who do that are sick" or "those relationships are dysfunctional."

Before we do anything else, let's make it clear that we're talking about consensual sex and relationships, not abuse. It's not fair to point to abuse, assault, child molestation, etc. by a close relative as an example of how "incest" is "sick".

Alleging psychological problems or mental illness is something best left to mental health professionals, such as a psychiatrist (a medical doctor) or a psychologist. The opinion of someone without such credentials and some experience should be suspect. So, if someone makes the claim that we should criminalize or otherwise discriminate against consanguinamory because the behavior is based on mental illness, they should be asked 1) for their credentials; 2) if they have personally conducted an evaluation of the individuals involved and the dynamics of their relationship, and; 3) if all relationships they personally think are based on mental illness should be likewise criminalized or discriminated against. Usually, calling consanguinamory "sick" is just a thinly veiled variation on Discredited Arguments #1 and 3.



You can find mental health professionals who will declare consanguinamory to be a sickness. Throughout history, you could find such individuals or studies and reports saying women shouldn’t use vibrators, being gay is a mental illness, masturbation leads in to insanity, wanting to be with someone of a different race is a problem… on and on it goes. To this day you can find psychologists who’ll insist that being gay is a mental problem and that taking certain steps during a child’s development will prevent them from “becoming” gay.

There are mentally ill people who have these attractions. There are dysfunctional relationships that are consanguinamorous. BUT, having consanguinamorous feelings or relationships is not necessarily a sign of illness or dysfunction. Some people assert it is, but they do not back up that claim. At most, they restate their claim another way, asserting that everyone should either pursue (heterosexual, monogamous) relationships with someone outside the family and not closely related (how close is too close for their approval varies) or should remain alone and celibate.

There are many mentally healthy people with these feelings. There are many healthy, functional relationships that are consanguinamorous or have involved consanguineous sex. The people who are living proof of this, due to laws or other forms of bigoted discrimination, aren't eager to sit down with a mental health professional, or law enforcement and tell them all about it. Medical and mental health professionals tend to deal with people who are having problems. Most people in consanguinamorous relationships or who are attracted to close relatives or family members, who are healthy and happy, do not visit doctors and therapists and volunteer that information to them. That is one of the problems with studies or saying something like "I don't know any that are healthy..." These relationships are common enough that everyone does know someone who is, or has been, involved. Most of the time, we're don't know everything that's going on, because people feel the need to keep secrets.

It is normal for minors close in age to experiment with each other. Coercion is problematic, but if it is not a matter of coercion and no harm is perpetrated, we're not talking about sickness. Genetic Sexual Attraction is also a normal response to the circumstances. And sometimes, for completely normal and healthy reasons, close relatives who have always been in each others lives get involved as adults.

There are a few places where consanguineous sex and mental illness do connect...

1) If someone, due to mental illness, acts out sexually with just about anyone, that may include close relatives. But again, most people who are. or have been, consanguinamorous are not part of this category.

2) People who are otherwise mentally healthy, who experience persecution, discrimination, prosecution, etc. due to having a consanguinamorous relationship, they may experience problems such as depression, anxiety, etc. This is a common harm of bigotry, and anyone concerned that consaguinamory is "sick" should note that often, the biggest problems experienced by consanguinamorous people is prejudice. If someone is truly concerned about the well being of others, they shouldn't perpetuate this. Being told constantly that your NORMAL attractions and desires need to be repressed and should subject you to ridicule, ostracism, and even imprisonment can cause people mental problems. What kind of mental state would you be in if you were torn from the person you love most in the whole world, publicly ridiculed and subjected to imprisonment? Learn how to avoid being part of that problem here.

3) If someone has been abused, they may find comfort in the safety of sexual intimacy or release with a close relative, not wanting to take the risk of being vulnerable with someone they're not certain loves them. Again, most consanguinamory isn't a result of a situation like this.

Maybe you have known some messed up people, and those people have engaged in consanguineous sex. But they also fed their dog, were good employees, etc. Does that make dog-feeding and being a good employee sick? Yes, some people who are attracted to close relatives need professional help. Others don’t. Being attracted to a close relative, by itself, is not necessarily a problem.

I personally know people who are mentally healthy, intelligent, attractive, and have no problem attracting sexual or romantic interest from others, and yet, they are very attracted to a close relative. I can guarantee you know some people like that, too. You’re just unaware of their attractions.

If you want to know what science has to say on these issues, read through the science tag of the Full Marriage Equality blogspot.

If you want to be part of the solution, you can! If you think you need help, see here.

UPDATE: See what Jane wrote about this at her blog.

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Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Still No Good Argument Against Equality

Anti-equality columnist Michael Brown, who constantly bemoans things like anyone who isn't a cisgender heterosexual nonconsanguineous monogamist having their rights, is on a roll lately. Today's column was sparked by a male triad getting legal recognition in Columbia, with Brown lamenting that we're heading toward full marriage equality. What he doesn't do is explain why he thinks that's a bad thing. Maybe we have to buy one of his books to read that? In fairness, nobody else seems to be able to explain why people should be denied their rights, either.
Here in the States, the Associated Press notes that, “More courts [are] allowing 3 parents of 1 child.” An example would be when a lesbian couple has a child with the help of another man, all three of whom become parents.
What's the realistic alternative? It's preventing the man from being legally involved. How exactly would that be good? If three people want to take responsibility for a child and they mutually agree to this, isn't that a good thing?
Today, in New York City, you can be fined up to $250,000 for failing to accept the stated identity of a trans employee.
Again, what's the realistic alternative? It's that someone either has to quit their job or deal with a boss who mistreats them in a very serious way.
I asked [the students] if they believed in the concepts of “love is love” and “I have the right to marry the one I love.” They all said yes, no matter how far it went. Three people? Four? Two adult brothers? And should the government be obligated to recognize all these relationships?

They answered in the affirmative to all my questions...
Good for them! The students have compassion and respect for people! Those of us on the right side of history are happy to see more people being free to have the relationships to which they mutually agree and to live out their gender identity.

If you're not doing so already, please check out this blog's sister Tumblr, where questions are being asked and getting answered, and I share content from others that I don't crosspost here. Add it to your bookmarks or, if you're on Tumblr, follow it.

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Tuesday, June 20, 2017

The Spice of Life

Monogamy isn't for everyone, and very few people only marry and have sex with one person throughout their entire life. If monogamy or serial monogamy is what works for you, we fully support that and support your rights to be monogamous.

In return, we hope you support the rights of others to be ethically nonmonogamous, especially since it is what is best for some and some are polyamorous as who they are.

Your personal feelings, boundaries, or convictions may preclude any form of ethical nonmonogamy for you, but that doesn't you need to put down others who are different. Thankfully, most of you don't. There really isn't any good reason that people who are nonmonogamous should be discriminated against.

We take a live and let live attitude around here, supporting everyone who just want to be themselves and have their relationships and to avoid trouble.

Whether someone is engaging in casual sex, swinging, swapping, threesomes, moresomes, hotwifing, cuckolding, an open relationship or open marriage, relationship anarchy, polyamory, polyfidelity, group marriage, plural marriage, or some other form of polygamy, as long as everyone involved is a consenting adult, that should be their business and shouldn't subject them to discrimination or bullying or prosecution. Same goes for some asexuals and aromantics who don't want sex or don't want romantic relationships. Let people do their thing!

Please feel free to comment with your thoughts and experiences regarding any form of ethical nonmonogamy, or write to fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com.

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Sunday, June 18, 2017

Survey For Consanguinamorous Parents

Jane is conducting another very important survey. If you have had a child with a close relative, please participate.

http://ift.tt/2sHjXm3

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Saturday, June 17, 2017

Happy Father's Day

Sunday is Father's Day.

For all men raising or helping to raise a child, whether you are a biological father, presumed father, grandfather, stepfather, bonus father, adoptive father, foster father or any variation… Happy Father’s Day!

A special thanks to fathers who have supported and loved their children who are LGBTQ, polyamorous, consanguinamorous, or have otherwise faced persecution or oppression because of who they are or the person(s) they love.

Finally, a note of encouragement to all fathers who can’t legally marry the person(s) they love, but would if they could, or who face bullying due to love or who they are: We will win so that every adult can pursue love, sex, and marriage with any consenting adults.

Oh, and if you have an especially interesting Father's Day, tell us about it.

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